Do you think flirting on the internet is harmless?

Question

My husband saw that I was flirting with this guy on the internet. I was just messing around. Really didn't meant anything by it, I even talked about my hubby and kids in the middle of flirting. The hubby has been really mad about it and has even stopped telling me he loves me. We have been married for 12 years and I told him I didn't think he would care he told me he didn't think he could trust me anymore. Then he went off the deep end. He left! We have 3 kids! Well, he's back home now and says he thinks he's just stressed out and he doesn't think he's mad at me, but he still won't kiss me or tell me he loves me. He's going to see a psychiatrist today. What should I do? How can I fix this? I didn't think my harmless flirting would do this much damage. Or maybe there was stuff going on before all this and when the flirting came out it set him off. What do you think? How can I fix this!

The guy never flirted back by the way. I guess that's why I flirted with him. It made it easy for me to flirt without the guy really getting involved.

If I flirt with my husband he gets aggravated and rolls his eyes. So I don't flirt with him much.

Answer 1

I am not a therapist, but I will say that flirting online is very dangerous ground. You have to ask yourself why you would think it's ok to do in the first place. Also, know that this is how many affairs start - seemingly harmless interaction with the opposite sex. Ask yourself, where is the line between flirting and cybersex? (how do you know when you are making the transition). Are you getting some need met that only your husband should meet? Are you developing an unhealthy relationship with someone you can confide in when your husband frustrates you?

Talking about your hubby and kids doesn't justify it, and in fact, may just affirm the other party if he is doing the same to his family.

It sounds like you have a good foundation as 12 years of marriage is quite an accomplishment. It's also something that both of you should want to protect, and your kids will appreciate it too (they'll spend less of their adult lives in therapy).

Here is my advice:

1. Be humble. Admit that you were wrong, commit to never do it again, and most of all, affirm your husband and let him know that you love him and would never jeopardize your relationship.

2. If you find that there is some need that was being met, then find out how you and your husband can work on your intimacy, so that you do not feel the need to look else where for attention.

3. If things don't turn around quickly, I strongly recommend that you both see a qualified marriage therapist. Never be ashamed of seeking professional help, you would do it in any other area of your life (i.e. mechanic, lawyer, doctor, etc.) so why not do it for your life.

I can see your husbands point, and its good that he is going to a therapist. He may some other issues going on as well and that may have been a trigger for him.

I wish you the best in working this out.

Fight for your marriage!

Answer 2

I think that your husband has some insecurities that need to be addressed. He seems to lack the understanding that his wife is not getting a need from the home - that need more than likely being he is not giving you attention. While his lack of not being loving towards you, might be that your not loving back. That being said, if you really love your husband, you would be flirting with him and not some random person on the net. But the flip side of that is simple, get your hubby involved with your internet flirting. While your intentions may been minimal, your husband interpreted your actions way differently. And by him leaving that should be a clear RED FLAG that something else is wrong in the marriage.

You along cannot fix this, it takes both of your together to fix what is broken. If you feel he is making you feel guilty, stop right there - your own guilty feelings are your fault and not his doing. If you feel guilty about your flirting - then you know it is wrong.

The first and most important thing that the two of you must do is communicate with each other. Talk and then talk some more - honestly with each other. There is no reason to hide your feelings - either good ones or bad ones.

It is a lot easier to come forward with how your feel and what you want right now, than to have to ask for forgiveness later.

Answer 3

No, flirting on the internet is harmful! quit flirting w/ this man or anyone...and I am sure your hubby likes when you flirt w/ him...it's all how you flirt w/ him...so, if your hubby does not want to kiss you, does this mean you will go kiss someone else? No, you can't do that...you and hubby just need to work on the marraige...don't go to outside sources to express yourself...not even in flirtatious ways! it will never work that way...perhaps you should see the counselor as well w/ him =). Remember, the kids are watching, show them what a relationship should be!

Answer 4

Well first of all I think that you husband was right in being angry because if you wanted to flirt he probably thought you should have came to him instead of flirting with another guy. Now one of the reasons why he left could have been because of stress but one of the main reasons could have been because of hurt. I would suggest that you make a romantic dinner for him. Candlelight and all. If you do not like to cook, make reservations to go to his favorite restaurant and I guarantee that he will tell you what u wanna hear after the both of you talk. Good luck!!

Answer 5

Why would you be flirting if you have a "hubby"? It goes against the whole point of marage. If thats the way you "mess around" then you should expect it. Why dont you flirt with your husband? Thats what he is there for.

I think you should sit down and have a serious chat to him about it. Try explaining the fact that you were talking about him and your kids. Maybe he doesnt take it that seriously and is just under stress. You going to have to ask him about it.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, I guess you know what "harmless" flirting can do, don't ya? Your marriage is on the rocks. Your husband no longer trusts you, and he shouldn't. He is no longer attracted to you. He no longer wants to be affectionate with you. And, you're probably going to incur some medical and legal expenses. Yeah, right, totally harmless! This is how you fix it. YOU NEED to go to therapy. It's clear you have some problems because you don't even know the difference between right behavior and wrong behavior. You also need to get rid of your little chat room behavior, delete your profiles. In fact, I think you need to get rid of the computer, get off your butt, and get a job.

Answer 7

he was terribly jealous of what you did, and maybe he thought he never really satisfy you in any way the reason why you flirt in the net..you dont have to say so much to fix that, he will find out himself that what you did was just a matter of "killing the time" while he is away. that is if you really didnt flirt outside the net huh!..time flies, things change ..and soon he will be the same hubby you have. keep doing the things he love most from you..that's ego trip..understandable..just keep the fire burning for both of you...

Answer 8

I think you need the counseling. Why would you think that flirting on the internet is harmless? Flirting isn't any less harmless there than face to face. Your intention remains the same and that is you want feedback. Spend more time flirting with your husband and you won't be in this situation.

Answer 9

I think your husband's acting like that has only a little to do with this whole flirting online thing. He is totally overreacting but there is definitely other issues going on in your marriage for him to pick up and leave like that. I dont know how you can fix this alone. I don't believe you are the only one to blame here. I think you guys need marriage counseling immediately before it gets any worse.

Answer 10

These people who answer these questions are idiots. There is nothing wrong with a little flirting, everybody does it and if they say they don't then they are lying or fooling themselves. A little harmless flirting, especially on the internet becuase there is rarely a chance that you will actually meet the person is entirely fine and healthy. It is when it is carried too far (takes over your thoughts) that it MAY become a problem. Sounds like your husband has security issues to me.