My wife slept with another man?

Question

I suspected my wife was cheating, but when I tried to talk to her about it she denied it. Reluctantly, I checked her cell phone text messages while she was asleep and discovered she slept with a man last Monday night while I was at work. Then last Friday night she went out with a diff. man and spent the night at his house. They haven't slept together yet, but she plans to go out with him this Friday. Both men are old enough to be her dad. I know the quick response would be "dump her", but I am partly to blame. We have a good sex life, but I have been so absorbed in my job as a community college teacher that I haven't shown her the time or affection she needs. I love her very, very much and don't want to lose her, though she told me Monday that we are finished. What should I do to save our marriage?

Answer 1

well she only cheated cause she knew yall were finished.....sorry man.
Let it go!

Answer 2

No saving that dead horse, better off to shoot it. I know that sounds callous, but the woman is garbage o do that to you. Boo hoo hoo, she doesn't get affection as much or your time because you are, what was that now WORKING?
YOU KAD you should be ashamed of yourself.
I'm sure those guys shes screwing give her a great deal of "affection". Don't buy in to the standard whore justification for being a whore.
This stuff starts at childhood, from either abuse, exposure to pornography, however it happens, she deserves as much sympathy from you as a serial killer would from anyone (ironically some of the same things can trigger that "affliction" as well)
This is a person who can not have a good relationship. This is a person who seeks and thrive off of chaos. Don't be a worm! Get a good lawyer, bring him proof of her infidelity and make sure this tramp doesn't get a f-ing dime. If i thought you could get away with throwing her down the sewer, I'd advise you to do that too.
Go find a good woman who will treat you right and you can really feel guilty about when you make some stupid mistake like putting time into your career.
Where the heck do you guys come from anyway?

Answer 3

I'm very sorry about your situation - you must have a lot of stress and confusion at the same time. Look going out looking for attention without discussing the problem she has with you is just not right at all. Your wife doesn't show respect for you as a teacher and a husband. You deserve better - if you don't trust her there's no hope in your marrage - if there's no trust there's no bond which unites a couple as well as love and respect.
Good Luck
Keep on Smilin:-)

Answer 4

First off it is NOT your fault. She's to blame as she shouldn't have done what she did. I'd advise you to just leave her as you are both obviously very incompatible but because it means so much to you that you save the marridge I'd say to just give it another go. Sit down with her and make her talk about it like adults. If she doesn't want to know then I'm afraid that you're just going to have to accept the fact that it's over and move on. I know it's hard but that's the only way but I'm sure that you're strong enough to be able to do this :)

Good Luck :D

Answer 5

Wow.
Usually it's the women that sit around trying to find reasons to blame themselves for their partner's cheating.
"FOR BETTER OR WORSE, RICHER OR POORER".
I don't care how much you have been working, vows are vows.
This woman is coming home to you after having another man inside her all night while you have been working your a s s off to provide for her.
This is the thanks you get??
How many men have there been that you don't know about?
You have no way of knowing how long she has been lying to you.
Then you want to sit there and be all wishy washy about it and say it's your fault and ask how to save a marriage to a woman that can't keep her legs closed.
You say you don't want to lose her, but, my friend, if she is dating and sleeping with other men, you have lost her all ready.
You will never be able to trust her again.
Is that how you want to go through life?

Answer 6

Tell her that you are aware that you are partly to blame for her adultery, and if she is willing to make a difference and work it out then you are willing to forget the adultery and start again.
A marriage is something very special and shouldnt be broken because of crossed communication. If there is any way you can work it out and save it then it should be done, but also your wife may not want to do this either.

It all depends on how she feels.
Ask her why she does it?
Tell her your not putting up with it anymore, but are willing to try and change yourself for the benefit of your relationship.

Good luck.

Answer 7

start showing her how much you love her! wisk her away on a beautiful week in new zealand or something! if you go somewhere, totally unplanned and spur-of-the-moment then its more romantic and she wont be able to make plans with her 'side orders'. just keep the flame going, and dont get so rapped up in work. make the big gesture and put her before work. honestly, why do you go to work? to make money for you and your family! why go to the trouble of making that money if your family is just gonna fall apart while your gone making the money? its better to be happy with the one you love and not so wealthy, then alone and rich.

also, if she keeps seeing them afterwards then she doesnt deserve you. maybe-MAYBE- give her a chance to ditch them after you confront her about it if she hasnt already. but if she doesnt break it off with them on her own then youll never know if you can trust her again.

find out if she is cheating because of you and work, or if it is because she just doesnt care for you as she use to. i am sorry, and i know its hard, trust me i do, but you cant go on liveing like this. usually, i would NEVER take someone back after cheating but its possible you could fix this. and if you can, then do it. if she does ever cheat on you again that its definelty over. youll just have to end it. by then, she really doesnt desrve you. it will be heart wrenching wether you leave her now or then. if you leave her now then youll never know if you could have fixed it.

Answer 8

For a teacher,your not very smart.Why is she sleeping with old men?Could she be a hooker?Why do you still want her?She has told you she is finished.Its not your fault she is screwing around.Ever marriage has down time sexuality,Including mine,but I don't go out and find some one else If I did it wouldn't be an old man.If she is looking for sex,why the older men? You can't save this mess,I really don't see why you would.Don't you have any pride?

Answer 9

Try and understand. You wife does *not* love you anymore. Actually let me clarify; she is not IN love with you anymore. She may have 'love', and may even say 'i love you', but it's not the love you think it is and want and need from her.

Your relationship with this woman is long gone. No person that loves you....truly loves you the way a man and woman are suppose to will cheat on you. They won't have it in their heart to do such a terrible thing. They wouldn't even be able to bring themselves to hug or kiss someone, let alone *sleep* with them.

Yes you love her, and I know you adores her and want her, but she's gone my friend. You've been betrayed and played for a fool. Trying to rekindle or blame yourself is *not* the way go approach this now.

SHE is the one who committed the wrongdoing, not you. Yes you had your hand in your marriage like any couple -- takes two to tango, but that is no excuse to cheat on someone....none.

Trying to keep the marriage will only prolong the inevitable. She did it once, that shows she is capable of doing it to begin with. First time is the hardest, and if you forgive her and let it go, she will let herself think you're 'ok' with it in the future, and she'll manipulate you all over creation with it.

So...as hard as it is, and I know, I've been cheated on...take the hit now....let her go, file for divorce and move on with your life.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but believe me, you WILL heal and you will be able to move on and have a happy *healthy* relationship with someone worthy of love and who will actually feel it and mean it when they say "i love you".

Best of luck.

Answer 10

You are absolutely right! It is all your fault. Your work ethic drove her into the arms of other men. Not one guy who is giving her the emotional support you have been neglecting, but two guys to fill that void.

I recommend that you talk to her and tell her you understand her need for other men. If she wants to hook up with random guys you totally support her. Tell her that she is free to sleep around while you try to bring money to the household.

Oh, wait - what am I thinking? Dump the sIut!

Answer 11

IF EVERYONE LISTENED TO DR. LAURA, WE WOULDN'T HAVE THESE FOOLISH PROBLEMS.

If you don't have children, dump her. That's what god invented the curb for!!! If you love her so much and don't want to lose her, why were you so absorbed in your job?

If she's willing to accept your apology and believes you'll change, get into counseling. Tell her you'll listen to Dr. Laura.