is ATTRACTION a TEMPORARY part of a RELATIOSHIP?

Question

Does LOVE needs Constant ATTRACTION?
or ACCEPTANCE/UNDERSTANDING is enough to take it's place...

Answer 1

I like Jeff's idea that a relationship starts with an infatuation.

Perhaps because it is such a burning, intense and overwhelming attraction one is usually at a substantial loss to actually explain what it is that is so attractive-. Not a very big concern since most everything else is relegated to the periphery. But the point is that the object of our intense attraction is really a mystery. Perhaps we are initially attracted because we feel that there is a special potential to know the other person. That's when love can really start to take hold.

If one is to sustain real love, one needs a real object to love. And I believe that is a life long process of discovery and acceptance. After that phase of infatuation we begin to stumble along, attempting to make a genuine connection. I say stumble because it is usually quite an ackward process.
Initially, we seem to have a lot of trouble, getting out of our own way, seeing the other person as more than a reflection of ourselves, a "twin". We tend to discount the differenes as inconsequential or something that will eventually need changing and we revel in the similarities. What we are attracted to is what is familiar.

But love is more. It isn't that ACCEPTANCE is enough. It is that ATTRACTION isn't enough. We need INTIMACY and it can only thrive through our ability to accept the other person as they are, with similarities and differences, faults and strenghts.

Love needs Not to have constant attraction because it isn't real. Of course, neither is constant acceptance or understanding. Attraction just scratches the surface. Love is deep and rich. Love is not being ONE with the other or completed by the other, but rather a rich, interwoven tapestry where each person's uniqueness is honored.

Sometimes I see the love my wife and I share as something vibrant and alive that exist almost on its own, somewhere between us. We can ignore it for awhile, but when we pay attention to it, it is always with a gentleness and reverence.
It gets fueled with the strangest "stuf"f- petty annoyances, silliness, consideration, mistakes, silence, anger, desire, affection and everything else that makes up our lives.

So I would have to say that ATTRACTION is a sporadic part of a relationship that starts as an infatuation. It can be a nice part of a relationship, but needs to grow into INTIMACY to develop into Love.

Answer 2

Acceptance and understanding are a poor basis for a relationship. Essential to making a relationship last, but not a foundation. Attraction is what usually starts a relationship and it is essential throughout, however, it changes in it's nature. At first, the attraction has pretty superficial or even just chemical properties. Once love develops, however, it becomes a result of that love and is much deeper. It's not a mind thing, it's a feeling thing, but it is certainly different than acceptance or understanding of a person.

Answer 3

It depends on how you define attraction if are you talking about from a physical point of view or are you talking about an overall attraction as a whole. Physical, I'd say it could be either one of the two. As a whole I would say that you would need some type of attraction toward the other person to stay interested, the opposite of attract is repel, so I would say a definite yes. Yes, I think love needs attraction though not necessarily physically but definitely mentally, emotionally and somewhat spiritually. You have to be attracted to their personality and who they are as a person to love them. However that being said it is our will to accept and understand the person that keeps the love going strong. Love is a combination of attraction, acceptance, understanding, it is also a combination of truth, work, sharing, giving and receiving. Lets not forget communication. For myself it's all of the above, we are truly soul mates.
It's a beautiful question enki, thanks for asking it. Have great day friend.

Answer 4

Acceptance and understanding are both prompts, and therefore attractive. Attraction operates in different ways, although many relegate it to a simply physical phenomenon. Physical beauty is fleeting, spiritual beauty is abiding. Attraction is always the initial part of a relationship, for there to be love there needs to be some form of continuous attraction. Attraction is not temporary, for there to be a relationship something needs to draw and bond people together.

[edit. I like Hempsted's idea of Intimacy, but would count this too as attraction, the fusion in which two become one flesh, naked and unashamed with each other. This is something I call the primal sacrament which has existed since God made us in His image and likeness and covenanted with us in creation.(Jesus cites this in Mark 10. It's also in the Mishnah Bereshith, Vau joined to Cheth by Yah.) This sacrament includes understanding and forgiveness, acceptance and renewal, support and passion, the sharing and generation of life, all of these attractive ideals which an ongoing commitment converts to reality.]

Answer 5

No- we can be attracted to many things, it is a matter of not letting serious setbacks lose "all the love" you may have for one in a relationship..
We need to recognize our need for attraction if it is failing and then resolve to do something about it..
Communication and sharing and true values are far more important to true relationship than having good looks and a charismatic personality. People with deep and lasting relationships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, dull, intelligent, homely, good-looking;(you can see that in the world-so many like different things) but the one characteristic they always have in common is an openness with each other. They have a certain transparency, allowing each other to see what is in their hearts.
This doesn't’t mean wearing your heart on your sleeve or revealing your innermost secrets to people you don’t feel comfortable with or with some who may not be the best for you. . But it does mean selectively and progressively revealing your true thoughts and feelings to each others. Even if you are naturally gregarious, however, it still takes time and shared experiences for mutual trust to develop in a relationship. To think otherwise is foolish and that kind of false attraction will fail. Acceptance and Understanding is not enough. To share with all in the same way will not bring you happiness. False Attraction will fail in love. True Attraction will flourish "if" attended too and true values are in your heart.

Answer 6

Usually you begin or you wanna be in a relationship if you feel atrtacted otherwise .....but this conception changes cause we get older....its an ever changing thing...Love needs attraction between 1 man and 1 women no other attractions from other people...I think attraction is outside/looks and understanding and acceptance gotta STAY same otherwise there aint no relationship NEVER

Answer 7

I think attraction is an integral part of a relationship. Attraction can be based on commonalities, mutual spiritual desires and needs, senses of humor, intelligence, self-confidence, and other factors. It doesn't have to be solely based on a physical attraction. I think love does lead to a willingness to reinforce the common likes that makes partners still feel attractive to one another. Acceptance and understanding also encompass attraction, but less so in the matter of physical attraction.

Answer 8

When two people meet for the first time they usually find out that they are attracted to each other. After starting dating they find that they have something special going on between them, soon after they start making plans uniting their lives together, so, that Attraction, is there but, as time passes they get to feel secure for each other, and they find out that they were meant for each other, so even though they are in Love, they feel secure that Acceptance and Understanding follows, when they were meant for each other, so they do not feel they have to nurture their Love, by the attraction they had for each other.

Answer 9

Attraction is to love as a spark is to fire.

Its a necessary first step and will certainly burn out if unattended but if the proper fuel is added it will become insignificant in the greater fire of love.

Acceptance and understanding are the slow burning coals that can re-light a fire much more easily but they too need fuel.

You can't ever take love for granted and you always have to spend at least a little time gathering firewood. Its the most powerful force in the universe and yet fragile at the same time.

Answer 10

Attraction is a staying part of a functioning love relationship, for me acceptance and understanding are necessary as well, but can't take it's place. I want it all!