What do u think?

Question

Stay Brave
Invincible It was you who,
Kept me from big mistakes.
The ones that cant be taken back,
Maybe we didn’t have that oblivious life,
Times when I wished your death,
Curse you in frustration,
I use to wish you away,
Now I never want to see you leave,
Use to believe,
Tomorrow was a place you would always be,
Taking it for granted,
That a next time there would forever come,
Now that life’s but a flicker,
Thinking back on days we use to bicker,
Now,
I see your face,
And wish it would never leave my sight,
I never thought,
That life could pass,
Right before my eyes,
Living and pre-tending everyday,
That everything’s okay,
Slipping from my grasp,
I hate knowing,
Life is going by so fast,
As you leave my hands,
I’m wishing that the day would never stop,
If it meant the end of sibling rivalry,
Still I hold my strength,
To stay brave,
Because only time and space,
Can keep you away,
I stay awake at night,
Praying everyday that you will be ok,
Hoping,

For a miracle insight,
I look into your eyes,
And see your bravery,
Faith that everything’s ok,
Why am I this way?
Weak when it comes to pain,
Pre-tending,
It’s making me insane,
But I will stay brave,
The brother I adore,
The one I love,
And will do anything for,
I can be as strong,
Staying brave,
Praying,
And keeping my faith,
When you are gone,
And I cant see you anymore,
I’ll keep your smiling face,
Telling me to stay brave,
I’ll wear it for the world,
To show them,
That I can be just as brave,
As the brother I adore,
And I’ll do what you’ve done,
Everyday,
I will stay here,
And carry on,
Stay alive,
Stay awake,
Stay brave,
And face the new day,
And at night,
I’ll dream of you,
I’ll see you,
In paradise.

I see noone liked gold how about this. I wrote it as a dedication to my mom.

Answer 1

The love for your mom is evident and the poem is a fine tribute.

Do you want to make it a better poem? If so, you'll need to trim it down. In poetry, as so often in life, less is more.

One way to accomplish this on something that you'll swear is already as short as you can make it is to ask yourself, "what if I could only write 10 lines?" Look over your poem, see if there are themes or concepts you could have combined into one word, one sentence, or one image. You obviously have talent, but you need to harness your abilities and become more concise, incisive, sophisticated. I could write lines and lines about how kind a mother is, but I could also say, "my mother's kindness showed in every spanking she never gave." So, edit, edit, edit. Your mom will like it regardless, but if you want to make it more powerful, consolidate, trim, edit.

Answer 2

Your inspiration & emotion is deep. However, I think u get lost a little trying to express everything you're feeling & this makes the poem a tad too long & derail slightly. A good effort, nonetheless.

Answer 3

Very sweet and potentially good, but very, very long. Not that that's a bad thing, but it kinda made me less than enthusiastic to read it.
Did you show your mom this?? She'll love it.

Answer 4

I must say, this is one of the best poems I've read, here on Yahoo.

Answer 5

it's beautiful. deep, i wanted to cry when i read it. you can feel the love in it. keep up the good work. you know where to find your inspiration, it's your mom.

Answer 6

make way people.. a poet in the making is coming in your way.. you really do write this on your own? i'm quite impress girl..

Answer 7

Profound feelings are locked in these writes. Beautiful to behold!
Please don't drop that pen.

Answer 8

Wow... a-m-a-z-i-n-g!
Loved it.... Long, but great!