Are you supposed to ask the father of the girl....?

Question

Alright, when your wanting to marry your girlfriend or any women then are you supposed to talk to her dad first about marrying her? Is it a "have to do"? Or is it somethin that would be good to do and be a "Manly" thing to do?

Answer 1

I think that the rules have changed slightly. I think it is a point of honor between you and the girl's father. It is a way of showing respect to him. At the same time I think that some girls might find this disrespectful to them. After all women are no longer pieces of property to be traded off by their fathers.
I think the correct thing to do in today's society, would be...
Propose to the girl, if she says yes, tell her it is important to you to have her parents' blessing. Ask her to arrange a dinner at home with them. After dinner, have your girlfriend make herself scarce and ask for their blessing. After they give it you can properly announce your engagement and everyone wins.
Everyone who said this should really be taken on a case by case basis is absolutely correct. If you are thinking this is something you may need/want to do, then I think you should follow your gut instinct.
Good luck!

Answer 2

Depends on the relationships and ages.

If your both legal to mid 20's, asking the father is usually considered a good mannered thing to do first. However, if the father is not really engaged in a relationship with your gf his daughter, ie a divorce that he split out on and is more around for tuition payments and formalities, you can consider skipping the dinner to ask him if you dont think either your girlfriend or he would mind terribly.

Mid 20's on, girls are more independent and I've known at least one who thought it was incredibly sweet that he had the dinner with her father first, but also unnecessary and the father though he was about to find out something even bigger than marriage.

But if the relationship is close or you want to go the whole nine yards with formality and all the things she might look back on as incredibly sweet (and mollify her someday when she's ready to toss your *** to the couch permanently) I'd do it.

My friends husband did ask her stepfather at dinner one night, they all thought it unnecessary, but won him so much goodwill from the family and her that it was worth it anyway.

My gf's father, however, wasn't around much for years and is only now semi engaged in her life again, so I plan on skipping telling him entirely, I'll probably ask her mom instead (or might not because her mom can be a freakin gossip).

Answer 3

Well, your girl will know the answer to that question. If you're considering marriage you should have met her dad by now and gotten some idea of what to do. Dads who really love and care for their girls would be extremely honored for you to do this. You definitely want his blessing if at all possible. After all, the brides family traditionally pays for most of the wedding. It's not about being manly - it's about showing honor to the person who raised your girl to be the woman she is - the one you love. The person who gave her good character and a loving heart. If those things are true about her dad then it's totally the right thing to do. Obviously, you need not bother if dad is a drunkard child molester! In some families this is expected and usually while you're in the process of having a girlfriend - she tells you these kinds of things.

Answer 4

It really depends on how her family is and what their traditional values are. From where I come from it is an absolute must! Its a sign of disrespect if the guy does not ask your father or mother (whoever runs the household). But then again each family is different and that might not be expected of you. But I think to earn a good step into the family do ask! It will show character and respect to the father.

Answer 5

I did about 17 years ago and yes it is nerve racking. But he was happy and respected the act and I have been married to his daughter for 13 years now and we all have a great relationship together. I think asking is a matter of respect for the father and I hope to be asked for permission when my kids get married.

Answer 6

It's not a must do thing. It's just a nice show of respect to the parent(s). If you think your girlfriend would like it, then do it. If you are man enough to ask, it shows you have a good relationship with your future in laws and confidence in their blessing to marry their daughter. Someday if you ever have daughters, you might like their bf to ask you, if only as a token gesture.

Answer 7

Traditionally the young man should ask the father of the girl for her hand in marriage, but it is not a have to thing. My dad was a little "miffed" when my ex didn't ask him for my hand and I told my father "It's not YOU he is marrying". Besides I had been out on my own for 10 years.

Answer 8

Well the father would appreciate it if you did but it is none of his buisness what you both deside to do with your futures. It isnt something that you have to do but if you want the father to really think of you as part of the family then you should if you want. Also if you ask and he says no then just say screw you and go marry his daughter anyways :)! Best of luck!

Answer 9

Not at all. In less you're asking Brook Hogan, (for all the people that watch Hogan Knows Best know what I'm talking about) you should be in good shape because it really will not matter what the father says if you're close enough to marry the girl.

Answer 10

It's definitely not necessary, but like everyone else has been saying...it shows respect. I'm sure majority of people don't ask the girl's parents beforehand. If you get along with her father/parents then it might be a good idea. Nothing bad will happen if you don't though.