Question about my poetry.?

Question

Hey Yahoo! Poets!

Today I really had poetic inspiration...I was wondering if this new poem of mine could really bring me to success? I have studied poetic greats and I really think this has potential to be a classic. (My friends love it!) Anyways, it's still a little sketchy, but I really dug into my heart with this one. Tell me what you think!

Lonesome snowman on the tree branch of my heart
Electrocuted on telephone wire
I don't know anything about
Kareoke
Snowflakes but they
aren't Excavated the Pumpkin Seeds
but we are not alone here
is like a little bird
in the Mighty cave
I miss my goats

Anyway, I really tried for imagery on that one. Tell me what you think, I'm anxious to know!!!

Answer 1

Lots of poorly described disconnected images. It's not a poem.

And al, no one liked your poem either. The problem might just be with YOUR POEM. Get over it.

Answer 2

You obviously care about writing good poetry. You indicated that you've studied the great poets. However, you need to really "think" about what you're trying to say. Line breaks at random times do not a poem make, neither do eclectic statements and disjointed images.

There are "beat poets" who try to shock and awe the public with rants, rages and out-of-my-mouth-before-I-think-about-it nonsense... please, do yourself a favor and DO NOT become one of them.

Lonesome snowman on the tree branch of my heart...I hate to say it, but it sounds like a comedian's line about a country western song title. Not necessarily the image, but the way you said it. You could have said, "A lonesome snowman, perched precariously on a branch growing out the side of my heart"...but you didn't. You could just as easily picked random statements from a book and pasted them together. If you're going to paste random images together, they have to create a collage that has at least a common theme.

So, keep reading, but don't just read modern free verse, read "all" the different types of poetry. This will help you train your ear and expose you to all the tools in the poet's toolbox.

Don't be disappointed, poets need thick skins... just keep working at it and "you" be your toughest critic...your friends may often only tell you what you want to hear.

Answer 3

Um, I can't exactly tell you what I think. Yes, you sure nailed the imagery. So much in fact that your poem didn't give me anything to think about other than a random list of images: "Ok, snowman, treebranch? Ok.. karaoke..snowflakes? Um, alright.. pumpkin seeds... little bird.. in a cave.. oh, and then goats." ..Goats? What? This is the poetic version of ADD in prose.

Next time I hope you won't try for the top simply because you've read some select others and felt momentarily inspired. This was.. an awkward read.

Answer 4

That is bullcrap being passed of as poetry. Poetry in not always about being different. But I you do want to stand out try to study the foundation first. You can develop new techniques to play an instrument if you don't know how to play it in the first place.

Answer 5

I dont understand.

I know it seems that soemtimes people just throw a heap of words together and call it poetry, but usually they have a theme. Yours are all over the place... I dont get it. Sorry :)

Keep trying though.

Answer 6

Interesting. I don't think I really understand where you're coming from, but I like it. It's reminds me of someone's, but the name is escaping me.... E.E. Cummings perhaps? I'm not sure....

Answer 7

OK. If anybody is in touch with Ronnie, please ask him to first write a poem himself and post it, then he could make fun of everybody else. I think he is really bored.

Answer 8

LOL!! What tone are you going for in this poem? LOL it made me laugh!!

Answer 9

I am rushing air to your planet.