he text going to bed & she said goodnight sweet dreams & he said u to think of me in or on.when i asked about it he said it was a set up to see if i was going thru his phone.i really want out,but he has left to go oversea.how would i handle?i am tired of his cheating & he makes it clear he won't leave me.he has friends & family coming by to go thru house to see if someone is there & to see what i am doing.
2007-07-10 15:24:00 · 36 answers · asked by Teresa R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'd say question him.
2007-07-10 15:26:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, that really has to be tough. If you know that he has been cheating BEFORE he went over seas, and you do want out. Use the time that you have now to make sure that you can take care of yourself on your own. Don't mess up his credit, don't take all his money and don't destroy his property. That will only make you look bad in the end. Be smart and fair, even though he was not fair to you by cheating. Divorces are VERY tricky and can get very nasty, but if you do right when he is doing wrong, you will come out on top in the end. As for the friends and family coming through your house, they have no right to invade your privacy. If you don't have anything to hide, let them do what was asked of them so THEY will know that you really are being good. They may not take your side when things get bad, but are more likely to take up for you and know that he was the one in the wrong.
2007-07-10 16:39:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out what he really wants from you. Would he be okay with you messing around with other men?? I think that 'set up' for you story is bs. Call the number of the other woman and ask her what's up. It's obvious he doesn't want to deal with the issue with you.
Hopefully this can work out with counseling. I believe that we should try to be there for better or for worse, but cheating is not acceptable. And you being disrespected is wrong.
He's having his family come by to check on you to cover up his possible affair. Be careful, he may telling his friends and family that YOU are doing something behind his.
I really don't see a problem with you checking his cell anyway...Good luck!
2007-07-10 15:32:40 · answer #3 · answered by LoveSlave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lawyer up! He's gone overseas and now is the time to consult a lawyer. Figure out your options and if needed move out. Go stay with friends or family or a shelter if you must but you seriously need to do something about this. You dont deserve to find out he's asking a woman, bluntly put, how she would like him... inside or her on top... sadly he wont stop. And it appears you already know that and you know he's cheated in the past, so your suspicious and he has trust issues to the point where his family and friends check up on you while hes gone.
So if your gunna stay in the house, and he's going to be gone for awhile, either keep the doors locked to prevent his welcome wagon from peeking in on you, or change the locks if they have keys. You are entitled to your privacy when you are in your own home. You are entitled to happyness, trust and RESPECT! Take note, he is providing you with none of the above! Get a lawyer and get him out of your life!
2007-07-10 15:53:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time this happens dont Question him..Wait a little time or set him up, to make sure he doesn not have any way to defend himself..(Words of experience)
If I were you, I would find out where that woman was, and find her face to face...Investigate...Just for your own sake....
I would go to her and in a very passive way, question her...
The same exact thing happened to me...At this point I was not able to find out if something was going on...cause I got furious right away and questioned him, of course he told me that his best friend knew I had the phone and asked his cashier to call his phone with the purpose of getting mad....
It happened again a second time and I called that girl, I knew who she was and I knew he was married..so i kept calling her cell phone until her husband answered and I told him that his wife had be sending messages to my husband and that my husbnad did not know why she was doing that...I dont know what ever happened after that...But at this point tehre is no way I can prove anything....So whewn something like that happesn just dont say anything and investigate...
2007-07-11 05:16:18 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I first started reading this I felt bad for you. Now that I've read the whole thing I feel really bad. Obviously he's cheating, file for divorce. He's also lying to you so your marriage will never be a happy one. If you want out, get out. I wouldn't let his friends and family in the house either. If they have a key, get the locks changed. You don't sound happy at all and life is short, so I'd move on if I was you. Good luck finding happiness.
2007-07-10 15:30:16 · answer #6 · answered by abmainer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he is absolutely wrong for what he is doing, and you did the right thing for questioning him. Although this must be so painful, I think you should try marriage counseling. Sometimes people find that although affairs are devastating people can get through them. You have made a committment for life, choose to keep it. A great true life book about affairs in a marriage and how they came back together to be stronger than before is called Marriage Under Cover- by Meisner
2007-07-10 16:14:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's gone overseas? Now is the perfect time to take what you want and get out. Go ahead and get the divorce papers ready while he's gone. There is no reason for you to bang your head against a wall constantly, it isn't going to move. Besides, the next thing you know, he will be coming to you with a bottle of pills saying he messed up and now you have an STD.
2007-07-10 15:39:20 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have the girls # if he texted her, I say call and confront her or send her a text as him and see what happens. And since he is over seas what is he going to do, leave him, so what if his family and friends stop by his parents shouldn't support a cheater get the evidence and show his friends and family that he is making a fool out of you. Turn the tables.
2007-07-10 15:45:57 · answer #9 · answered by Cindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a very dysfunctional relationship and if I were you I'd get a lawyer right away.
When you said he has people check up on you - is he controlling and abusive? If so, you may need some extra help and support from a local woman's group or shelter who specifically helps women in abusive relationships, as that is the most dangerous time for the woman - when she is leaving.
If it's not abusive and he's just cheating, you just need to divorce his ***.
2007-07-10 15:27:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
and what are you gaining for being with someone who obviously doesn't care for you? if you know all this..and he has done this times before..and he takes you for a joke...and thinks your are dumb enough to buy such explanation...and has his family doing even more dirty work for him...
why are you still there?
are you sure you are not getting a fix from being 'the victim'?
he is not leaving because he knows you won't have the guts to leave first...or he wants you to leave first that way he can say well...she left..and not take any responsibility...
ask yourself what are you gaining from being in this situation...
what do you have to lose..
what do you have to gain...
i hope you make the right decision for you...one that will make you happy...
good luck
2007-07-10 15:31:32 · answer #11 · answered by la21unica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋