Last Goodbye
My tears are falling with the rain
The water on me is hiding my pain.
How could you treat me this way, I treated you good
I gave you all the love I had, hoping you would return it back
But now I realize it wasn’t meant to be
I still feel for you, like I know you do.
I still wake up at night reaching out for you
But we need to go on and forget each other
Because we know there are always others
So next time you’re standing in the rain asking why. I will tell you this is my last goodbye.
Do you feel bad for what you did?
I can tell that the answer is no
Well you’re out of my life; I don’t care where you go.
If you’re in love you don’t treat that person bad
But that’s what you did, we're over
Will you miss me? Do I really care? Cause I can go on now, knowing you not there.
My peace has returned, my peace has returned
This is my last goodbye, my one last cry out to you.
2007-07-10 15:14:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's fine if you're 13.
2007-07-10 15:28:22 · answer #1 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you use simple words too often. Instead of "bad" use poorly or the millions of other words that have the same meaning as bad or good. Also, how did you organize the poem? From what I can see there is no real difference between the stanzas so I wouldn't separate them. Lastly, too many rhetorical questions make it seem like you are rambling on.Just my opinion
2007-07-10 23:40:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I still feel for you like I know you do...
is out of context, it doesn't make sense
you have no set pattern for a rhyming scheme, it is all over the place.
make it one block or set up a scheme and follow it.
It sounds like you are talking rather than composing.
Maybe it would be a good song.....
2007-07-10 22:21:52 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very nice. Sounds like you experienced this personally. Sounds very much like a relationship that came to an end for me. If this is something that you just went through, I promise you that the pain subsides and you will be able to carry on with your life again. I wish you the best.
2007-07-10 22:22:44 · answer #4 · answered by PJ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry...u do communicate ur pain, confusion, sense of betrayal, and much more. But you do not do so poetically. What is good about what you wrote is that you expressed your feelings honestly and now can begin to move beyond the hurt.
2007-07-13 21:31:55 · answer #5 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are asking if it is good as far as standard poetry goes, then yeah, it could use some structural work in grammar and functionality. As far as content, it was very emotion provoking and easy to relate to. Please continue to express yourself in whatever form you feel.
2007-07-10 22:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by lunahlina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tis too simple. also man ur sending mixed messages.
2007-07-10 22:40:34 · answer #7 · answered by Crashovdr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good. i can feel the emotion. just work on the rhymes i guess
2007-07-10 22:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by just being me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this was really good i really liked it
2007-07-12 00:16:08 · answer #9 · answered by butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋