I don't want to get into it, but I was brought up in a dysfunctional family. And because of this I'm very messed up when it comes to relationships..I close down and stop talking and i just want it to stop. How do I change myself so I can talk to people and get new people in my life?
2007-07-10 15:10:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Consider therapy.
If the first person you see isn't helpful, fire them, and move on.
You'll eventually find someone who can genuinely help.
Given that you don't want to give details, there's not a lot we can say.
Try studying psychology; you can learn alot.
2007-07-10 17:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was also brought up in a dysfunctional family, and have struggled with relationships in the past. At least you recognize it, that's the first step. I will suggest what helped me - self help books! Just go to amazon.com and do a search for books on what you are feeling or thinking or needing help with. For example I just entered the words 'dysfunctional family' and the second book that popped up is 'Get the Hell Out: How to Survive a Dysfunctional Family'. You can then look at what other books the site recommends, and it also lists what other people have bought who have also bought that book. Other key words you can use is 'self esteem' or 'love' or 'relationships'.
Self help books have really helped me. For example, after my divorce I read the book 'All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise : A Woman's Guide to Understanding Men'. This really helped me get my self esteem back and stopped me from dating just any jerk that came my way because I was feeling lonely. The last book I read was The Secret, which I also loved.
Don't let your past rule who you are today. You can be better at relationships, you have what it takes inside of you, you just need a little help to get you there.
2007-07-10 22:31:10 · answer #2 · answered by strawberryrhubarbpie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has said some good things thus far. I just want to add that you have no idea how many have had similar experiences if not worse than yours. So you are not alone.
You made the first step by recognizing that your upbringing has negatively effected you. Next you have to make a conscious decision every single day to be better than you were the day before. When you find yourself doing or acting away that reminds you of your upbringing...you have to correct it right away.
Change is realizing that you have choices and options. Choose to be the person that YOU WANT to be.
Seeing a therapist is not a bad idea either.
2007-07-10 22:30:02 · answer #3 · answered by nappyhdfatgrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, most people grew up in a dysfunctional family. You know what that's called....SO WHAT! As soon and you realize your childhood is over, you will heal. Are you playing the same movie over and over in your head? Let the fictional character you call yourself go and then simply just be. Hey, we are all messed up in relationships, it's just called "limitations on being human." So stop blaming mommy and daddy or the absence of either or. Don't change, just be. Oh and let your past go, because I promise you....it has let you go.
2007-07-10 22:21:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can cognitively change ourselves. Not that it will happen immediately, but you can. First you need to be sure you want to change, because without the "want" truly being in your heart, you will never change. If you need any help, talk to a Behavioral Psychologist. This psychological theory focuses on your environment (your upbringing) and how it's affecting your life. This will also help you change your environment to better suit yourself. Once you are better, your relationships will be too. Good Luck!
2007-07-10 22:25:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, a LOT of people had to live through some seriously screwed up stuff. It sucks, but it is true. You'd be surprised how many people know how you feel and are just as terrified as becoming what they grew up knowing.
My secret trick...just aim to be the exact OPPOSITE of what you know. It sounds either easy or stupid, but it has been working for me. I'm nothing like the people that "raised" me, and the bad habits are mine and no one elses fault. You do what YOU know is right...not what you were thought to believe. You can do.
Believe me...there are waaaaaaay more of us than there are of them (the bad people). You can overcome it. You just have to want it.
Good luck to you. I wish you the best.
2007-07-10 22:23:25 · answer #6 · answered by Chrissy: The Angry Typer a/k/a Mood Mole 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are aware of the problem, you have passed the biggest hurdle.
now, take a class in a subject that has always interested you at the community college. There you will meet people with similar interests. Good luck to you!
2007-07-10 22:19:45 · answer #7 · answered by lissie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be a victim of your circumstances. Accept your past for what it is and move on. Try to bring out the positive and forget the rest.
2007-07-10 22:19:50 · answer #8 · answered by sola 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself of how you want to be, and then try to do and act like such a person. Counseling help would also be beneficial.
Remember: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life", make it the best you can.
I wish you the best.
2007-07-10 22:17:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try to be around people you want to be like and you will learn from them.
Go to a counselor and they will help you get through some of your insecurities.
Experience helps you become more open and able to carry on a conversation.
2007-07-10 22:19:44 · answer #10 · answered by Tigger 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋