Is it necessary to come out?

Question

I am a heterosexual mom, but I am curious as to why this gets a lot of attention. I never considered announcing to anyone "hey I'm hetero" so why is it important for "homosexuals" to announce it?

I know some people spout "hey I am a Christian" or "hey I am eco-friendly" or toot their own horn is some other fashion, but what is the point?

Is it to get attention? [I don't mean to offend]
Is it to open a dialogue?
Is it merely a "heads up"?

Part 2 is would it be more beneficial to put less emphasis on this?

JY, I specifically stated I didn't mean to offend. How am I supposed to understand without asking? (Hence the question.) And, for accuraccy sake, I didn't assume you were married.

JIMK you lost me on your comment. I wasn't asking why this site existed. I am trying to find the answer to my questions.

Hadley, to answer your ?s
-never been married
-don't display personal photos at work
-no rings
I have said "my boyfriend and I went to the movies", so I could see that as sort of a "hetero-outting".

I never saw coming out as political or standing up for rights. I just saw activism as activism. You don't have to be homosexual to believe in equal rights for homosexuals so I didn't link the two.

Lots of good feedback here. I think I will leave this to the community to pick which is best. Thanks for all the responses.

Answer 1

Most people would "assume" that you're heterosexual unless you state otherwise. "Coming out" is a form of letting friends and family get to know the real you. And besides, it isn't done to random people on the street for attention, it's done for acceptance and love.

Though it isn't necessary per say...still. It isn't everything a person is, but, it is nonetheless a piece to their puzzle.

Answer 2

Excellent point.

I think the reason people say, "Hey I'm a Christian" or "Hey I'm eco-friendly" IS in fact, because they want to toot their own horn.

However, I use it as a disclaimer too, at times. If I'm spouting off an opinion that I believe was influenced by my Christianity, I'll say, "I'm a Christian," so the reader can understand the context of my point of view. For instance, I've mentioned that I'm anti-abortion, but pro-choice, a view that many Christians find to be paradoxical, but it's quite simple for me. I abhor the idea of abortion, but I also equally abhor anyone trying to legislate such a personal thing between a woman, the man with whom she conceived, and their God.

I didn't mean to go off on a tangent there, but the point is, before I have all the right-wing cons come after me with tar and feathers and tell me I'm going straight to hell because I'm not a Christian, I would state in such a case above that I was Christian, not to toot my own horn, but rather to offer a context in which my opinion is being rendered.

Answer 3

For me at this point in my life, I would go with option 2, open a dialogue. Not necessarily to persuade for socio/political reason, but merely as topical conversation. Say, if at work you asked me what did I do this weekend, I may respond that my partner and I visited.... or did.... so on so forth. If you wanted to get to know me better, what is my family structure, am I involved with somebody, etc., then there you have giving me the opportunity to "come out", as oppose to me just coming right saying "I am Gay" for no reason.

Take into consideration to that many Gay people do elect to stay in the closet, but do get outed. It is not just celebrities, but the rumor mills at work, family members getting nosy as to why a particular family member hasn't dated/married to someone of the opposite gender. It isn't always us that flings open the closet doors.

I also wanted to make a comment on your "hey I'm hetero" statement. That is not necessarily true. You may not introduce yourself as "hetero", mainly because society generally assumes a person is, but you do "out" yourself in other areas that you are not aware of. Are you married? If so, do you introduce your husband to others as your spouse or just some man you know. Is that not outing who you are? When you got married, did you have a wedding where many attended and could clearly plainly see what your sexual orientation is? Do you have a picture of your husband in your cubicle? Do you wear a wedding ring that anybody can see? Aren't all of these examples of how you "out" yourself as heterosexual.

Also, why is "in the closet" the only viable option for Gay people? Why can we NOT be "out"? Why is that not a viable option? So much has been gained from us coming out. Back in the 50's, when really ALL Gay Men were closeted, police would raid bars to arrest Gay Men if nothing else but in the company of other Gay Men. That is what started the Stonewall Riots. They had enough of the Paddy Wagons and fought back. Do you honestly think society would be more accepting of gay people if we didn't come out? That somehow Sodomy Laws would just automatically be erased from the books if we didn’t challenge them. You wouldn't think of it today, but Gay people were fired from their jobs just for who they are. Do you think corporations would just automatically become more humanitarian and change their discrimination policies if we gay Folk didn't challenge them?

Attitudes and public opinions do NOT change on their own unless confronted and challenge. Something that can NOT be accomplish within the confinements of a closed closet door.

Answer 4

I would like to be afforded the same rights that are afforded to the heterosexual community in the USA. I am not. I cannot get married. I cannot get divorced. There are many things that I cannot do or qualify for because all laws in the USA are hetero-centric. Marriage, taxes, estate, etc.

I AM not looking for attention.
I AM interested in having a dialog that is open and respectful.

YES, it is important to be out.

Answer 5

I think it is on the person to decide. The ones that do I would say may be that "it makes them feel better" to come out and admit to the world what they are. Some would rather live life as it was the everyday thing, which in this time and age actually, it is. Or else they may think that you are the same and would like to share in the feelings of the issue.

Answer 6

I was born in 1949. I knew that I was gay about the time I reached puberty. If I would have come out then I would probably have been killed.
Times have changed, it no longer has the stigma attached to it that it once had. I came out in November of 1976. but there are still people that don't know I'm gay, and I don't really care. I thought it necessary to volunteer in the Vietnam war, I would have been able to get out of it if I had wanted to. So I remained 'in the closet'., and fought for my country. That, and the fact that I'm gay is something that I'm proud of, and no one can ever take that away.
I hope I answered your question!?

Answer 7

We were forced to hide it over the centuries by the Christians . The same way blacks got tired of always being forced to ride in the back of the bus , when we got the opputunity , we stood up and fought for our rights . Thats the reason why this site exists.

Answer 8

not really if you are not doing it because you are afraid. If being afraid is what stops you from coming out then it is really necessary...people must not live in fear . Also you usually hide it growing up as it can be scary to wonder if your family and friends will stop loving you if they knew your secret, and on top of that, how can u ever have any real relationsips unless people know the real you. now go bake something beyatch

Answer 9

That's a very good point. I think many people want to be identified as members of this or that recognized group, so they label themselves very early in a conversation. And it does help to know where the other person is coming from sometimes.

Answer 10

Gays feel it is necessary because they want the same rights that straight people have, like the right to get married and the right to be insured under their partners name. I feel it would be more beneficial if it wasn't broad-casted to everyone in this country because it is reaching our children, and gays have went way over ethical boundaries to have their opinions known. I could care less what they do in their bedrooms, I just don't want my children hearing about it or being influenced by their views in school. : )