How can I get my husband to stop calling me names when he is mad at me?

Question

I hate to argue and do all I can to keep the communication lines open in our marriage. We get along very well 90% of the time. But when my husband blows up on me about something he calls me names like "you crazy b*tc*" etc

I can't seem to get him to understand how hurtful it is to hear him say those things to me.

Do you say things like that to your spouse when you are mad? do you really mean it?

No, I don't call him names.

Answer 1

he needs serious help. A person in love does not speak to their spouse like that.............. unless he has MAJOR anger issues

Answer 2

Wow! That sucks! So sorry.

HOW have you tried to tell him that it hurts your feelings?

Perhaps it's in the delivery.

Revenge is not the answer for sure.

Can you think of other times when he KNOWS to take you seriously? Can you use that approach?

Can you wait until you are NOT arguing and bring it up again about how it makes you feel?

90% of the time is WONDERFUL for getting along and having fun!

It's that 10%, I know. There has to be a way to make him know you are serious.

And as the other poster noted -- REALLY, would he talk to his mother or his sister like that?

ASK HIM. Hopefully he wouldn't say that to them, and can understand the impact.

Even BETTER would be to ask him, "if you heard another man call me a crazy b****, what would you do?

Hope this helps get your wheels turning!

Sorry about that, though.

Answer 3

OMG! You poor thing. You shouldn't even be experiencing this. The man you married is supposed to be your other half. Do you realize what that means? Soul mate ---> BFF. This is crazy. I understand why you're probably staying together (1) because I'm sure you love him and (2) you vowed "for better or worse and sadly you are taking worse. My husband has gotten truly furious with me only one time and I have never been called any name. I know sometimes he's probably thinking I'm a B-tch.

I would probably recommend counseling. If he's not up for it, may we assume that he's selfish and is only concerned with his feelings and not yours? Do you think now would be the time to consider a big change in your life? I can't imagine really loving someone and abusing them in that aspect. He is verbally abusive and it's not fair to you. There are a lot of things you need to evaluate for yourself and take action as soon as you've figured out which way you want to turn.

Answer 4

You fix him a nice dinner and when he's in a good mood (timing is everything), you explain to him that you feel that whenever you are having a disagreement he gets "personal." You don't mind him having a different opinion and discussing that, but he should not call you names and or insult you. That is wounding your "soul" and not just harmless anger coming out. When he does that it diminishes you and you feel smaller and sadder. Tell him that it's a form of abuse and that you do not want him to do that anymore. Tell him you will not tolerate it. Then, mean it. When he calls you a name, leave the house and do not return until he agrees to end this type of emotional, verbal abuse.

Answer 5

It's rude and immature to call names when you're angry. It also shows (imho) that you don't feel like you have a solid argument when you have to resort to that.

When you're not in the middle of a fight, let him know how you feel when he does that. Do it in a way that won't cause him to be defensive (not "you never" or "you always"...and use "I feel" statements rather than "you" statements).

Lay out some ground rules. Maybe you could tell him that when he calls you a name, you're going to get in the car and go to a friend's house rather than stick around to be cursed at. Let him know that you'll come home when he calms down and can have a civil conversation.

I think he needs some counseling & you both could probably benefit from marriage counseling.

SG

Answer 6

Sometimes people are so used to saying bad things they don't even reealize they are saying these things to the person they love.
My suggestion: try to guide him to using different responses (don't try that when he is upset with you). Sit down and tell him how much it hurts you, that you know he doesn't mean it, but could he use less hurtfull words? Everyone is different: some people will blow up over nothing, cool off before they even realize something is going on.
I would say that, most of the time, people don't mean these hurtful words.
Try to reward him when he doesn't use such language; try to get him to see he is blowing up for nothing; and, don't forget to tell him you love him.
But, don't make it a contest.

Answer 7

He is subconsciously trying to intimidate you into silence. He has no logical response to your side of the argument so he resorts to name calling. Calling you a "crazy b*tc*" means that he is justifying to himself why he does not need to take you seriously or respond with an equally reasonable argument. Knowing this may help you understand and not be as hurt by the names. You may even get him out of it by smiling and say "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me." By not rewarding him by feeling hurt perhaps he will use this behavior less often.

Answer 8

One thing to do when your spouse calls you names is to ask him: Why am i a (watever he calls you)? Usually he won't find a reason or it'll take him a while to think of a reason and then you would say: well if i stop doing those things would i still be a (watever he calls you)? and obviously the answer would be no, so just stop doing those things that he says if they're reasonable and then you two won't argue anymore. Sometimes, you really have to listen to why your spouse is calling you those names maybe you're really doing something wrong.

Answer 9

I would NEVER be that disrespectful to my Mr.

He knows how you feel, but it really sounds like he does not care how you feel about it. Hopefully there are no kids to carry on this?
Gosh I have never been good about making someone else do something they did not want to do. You told him how you feel and he just doesn't care.....You could try not calling him names while angry? Maybe marriage counseling? Maybe walking away when he starts that? Flat out leave the area he is in....?
Good luck.

Answer 10

Ok, now let's get deep- tell the f***r to back off or your going to have him removed ( with the aid of the law),as assult is against the law,whether it's physical or verbal,and you don't have to put up with his type of behaviour.Have you got a big brother who you can confide in,if so tell him what you are going through,if that doesn't work > then just up an leave the Bastard??

Answer 11

I have said bad things when I was mad that I didn't mean. It sounds to me that he has a hard time expressing his feelings into words. Try not to push him so far where he "blows up" and if you know he is close then leave him alone for awhile.