i am really angry with my hubby we will watch porn togheter or on our own what really annoys me is i have been watching a porn website (maybe it's just me but some of it is more laughable than erotic) anyway i said to my hubby are we going to watch this website to which he replied no i dont want to watch that rubbish i'm not bothered and i believed him beacuse we have always been honest in our relationship. so i am really annoyed to discover he has signed up for an account with this website behind my back it is totally out of character for him. now i'm torn between telling him i now and give him a hard time about his deceit or do i keep my mouth shut and hope he will eventually tell me
what would you do??
2007-07-10 13:46:51 · 49 answers · asked by Georgies Girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its not the porno its the princepal of the situation.
you should just be frank, not harsh or attacking, just say hey i know you did it and kept it from me. i wouldnt judge you if thats what your worried about. just dont keep things from me next time. if hes cool hell say ok.
2007-07-10 13:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by in the big easy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but there are a lot of mature answers for you here today. Believe me. If you two both don't stop watching it your marriage will go to the dogs and down hill. It destroys marriages. The person that said get your butts to a counselor is one of the best answers I see here. There are couple of other good answers but anyone who thinks it is harmless needs to think on it some more. I have never watched it and I am very normal but I do know that people can get hooked. It is addictive just like drugs and alcohol. It can take counseling to get over it. You better talk about it. Someone has to take the lead or bye bye marriage. It is the same as cheating. You are cheating each other of the emotional closeness marriages need to survive. I don't mean to sound harsh but it is serious when people start hiding it. And there are women waiting to start relationships with men they meet on the net through those sites. First stop porn, second stop net relationships, third stop- physical cheating, forth stop could be worse. In any event poor self esteem and loathing will result- not to mention a messed up mind. Help each other to stop and save your marriage. I suggest you both get a church counselor. They deal with it on realistic and biblical terms. They see it all the time.
2007-07-17 02:32:01 · answer #2 · answered by nolongeractive 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until I calmed down first of all. Then I would talk to him about it in a calm civilized manner. If you talk to him about now while you are angry and hurt it will only cause you to both say things you don't mean. When you talk to him about it when you're calm you're sure to get your point across better. If your relationship is good other than this you should be able to work through it. Maybe there are things on the porn website turning him on that he's ashamed of!? Could he be bisexually curious?! Was he raised in a strict home where he would think that porn was bad?! Maybe he is feeling guilty just being into it?! These are just my thoughts... what you really do need to do is talk to your husband about this. You love him and I'm sure he loves you so I'm sure you can work this out! My thoughts and prayers are with you...
2007-07-10 14:03:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, for one i dont watch porn anymore. i use to with my man. i believe you dont have to get aroused by that if you have a partner because you can make your own with each other. now if i found out he did that i would be mad. if he is lying about that what else is he lying about that you dont know of. honesty is the best policy. tell him what you know and be honest to him. let him know you thought he was truthful to you and you have been to him. and see what he has to say then. there is a reason he is going behind your back doing it when you were letting him do it with you. it sounds like you both need to spice up your own roles at home in the bedroom. not saying your both bad at anything. just you both go to the site for a reason. so, you need to get to the bottom of the reason. why stop be honest to him even if he was not honest to you. tell him your vows are based on trust and honesty and you dont have a marriage if you dont have that and if you cannot trust each other. talk to him about it before something else expires out of this. keep your head up everything will be okay. dee
2007-07-17 05:12:51 · answer #4 · answered by dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The denial would bother me but the porn wouldn't. It is as much a guy thing as romance novels are a woman thing. Thats how it is.
Both objectify the opposite sex and place unrealistic expectations on them. Not to mention writing actions and words for them that the real people would never do or say. its FANTASY. get over it Dont look at it as a lack of anything on your part because it is absolutely NOT that.
Even if you start today, and take an active role in his fantasies, that will only address your mutual experience.
A lot of guys need self gratification as much as they need sex with a partner.
We have had it all our lives and we will not give it up. I know many woman grew up with different ideas about self pleasure and that is a shame, but don't take it out on us.
It's never to late to take up a new hobby ladies
BTW he is telling you what you want to hear because he knows how you feel and doesn't want to jeopardize what you have. but at the same time he cant help himself. he needs a stimulus that will do it for him and the deeper underground you force him to go the more deviant his thoughts could get so try telling him its fine but you arent interested in seeing it.
If he starts to think you look down on him morally thats the beginning of the end for you both
2007-07-15 22:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You gotta talk about it! He's lying and doing it only makes it easy to do next time. How about you log onto his porn site and wait for him to come home and find you watching, maybe in your underwear. Then tell him how glad you are he subscribed. Watch together, have sex, tell him during sex that you don't like him lying about things, that he can trust you with ANYTHING. He'll get the point and you'll get your point across that he can't pull **** on you and get away with it. Don't throw him out over it though. Could work out to be a good things for your relationship. Good luck.
2007-07-18 10:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by JustAskin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its best you talk to him directly and not wait. You will only torture yourself. He might prefer to be sneaking about - some people enjoy it more if its illicit. On the other hand maybe he genuinely thinks its tosh and signed up on your account to see why you like it so much? There could be any number of things going on. Find out from him. If he has been deceitful, then give him a real ear bashing.
2007-07-14 11:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better a PC virus than an STD!?! And if that's all he is getting up to you can count yourself lucky in this day and age let him know you know in your own way (You know what I mean) but don't be too hard on him. Us men are just silly little boy's at heart. Get him a present of one of those DIY tools and he will be delighted with himself opening the packaging reading the instructions, and you will get those new shelves put up pronto. He will be too tired for web browsing for porn rubbish which is what it is, If or when you think he is going back to those evil ways, Get him another Power tool.
That's my advice
2007-07-10 16:08:38 · answer #8 · answered by mailliam 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should keep quiet. Becoz if you tell him he will give you some explanation that he didn't do it.It happened becoz of something or somehting like that. He will never agree. I think you should just try to find out more without telling him anything. If he knows you found out about this he will be more careful and you will never know what he is upto. I think he is addict to porn. And that's why he tries to show he is not at all interested in it. Have some patience. But don't worry yourself to death.
2007-07-10 14:06:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
men are very different in this way hun plus they are a very proud bunch and equally hes probably scared of hurting your feelings.Ever tried a new way n thats all you want for weeks on end you try other ways but nothing gets you like that one particular act.I think thats where hes at caught up and feeling stupid too,so when asked hes bound to deny and rubbish it,he doesnt want you to think he doesnt like you only the porn.Which isnt the case hes just caught in a moment where the porns the bit to get him there.Incorporate it until hes bored of it hun dont fight over it you watch murders n fights in corrie as entertainment doesnt mean you wanna be in there for real xx
2007-07-10 14:01:56 · answer #10 · answered by nendlin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
PORN IS AN UGLY ADDICTION for some people that they just can not handle. you may think it is funny but i hope to god your hubby is not one of the others. read the news sweetie and learn what crimes and uglyness to women and violence porn generates. since he chose to hide it from you it would seem to me like he is addicted and does not want you to know about it. porn can be as addicting as any drug. good luck. i sure would not want my man taking lessons off those shows on the correct way to treat a woman.
2007-07-18 07:56:57 · answer #11 · answered by WORKING OLDER SMARTER BLONDE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋