Should I get a divorce?

Question

I am not physically abused by my husband. We have 2 great kids ages 5 and 7 who absolutely adore their dad. Problem is, my husband is a slacker. He misses days of work and might lose this great job b/c "his tooth hurts". I asked him if he thinks his job might be in jeapordy and he says "i don't know" I blew up at him this morning !! (in front of the kids) I am tired of his supremely lazy attitude towards life. He doesn't "take charge" as head of house and father , if I want to buy a home I have to do ALL the research and calls etc, I even got him his last job b/c I sent his resume out!! He is too laid back and when its nice weather he NEVER wants to do anything and tells me if I want to do something I should plan it. I pretty much hate his guts for being a lazy slob and DREAM of just me and the kids living our fun life but they love him and I'm afraid they'll be so hurt. By the way, we've been 2gether 11 years, I'VE ALREADY tried the 'talking to him', it DOESNT work. Thanks all

and YES he wasn't this great ambitious guy when we first met but c'mon I was 19, this was 11 years ago and we didn't have kids yet. I COULDN'T predict this would be the outcome. Thanks everyone

Answer 1

I don't think you should get a divorce for such a reason, sure it can be frustrating but try not to put all the emphasis on $$, I know it important but not to the divorce level....you said the kids adore Dad, that says alot...stay on him about it but not to the point its going to drive you crazy.

Answer 2

I'm sorry it has turned out that way for you. I had someone that was and is still lazy (my ex) my kids were young when I finally had enough although he was mentally abusive too. I know it will be hard but you have to weigh your options too. Do you want to live that way until the kids are grown and gone and have the same life you do now? Or do you want to take the chance and make a better happier life for yourself. Some may say it is selfish to think of yourself, not me, If you are not happy then it will show and the kids will pay for it either way.
I hate lazy slackers that think they can get by that way. I would give him a choice straighten up or hit the door! btw I was married to my lazy slob abuser for almost 10 yrs. So I do understand where you are coming from.
Best of luck and don't let anyone sway your thoughts and your decision, only you know what is best for you.

Answer 3

You need to give an ultimatum and give solid, clear-cut examples. It needs a serious talk if you're even considering ending a marriage of eleven years and breaking up a family. Are there any family or friends who can help get the message across? Surely, he is upsetting you- but he must have some good qualities if you guys have been together for so long and you say your kids adore him. Try to focus on those good qualities. If he says he will improve- give him a real chance. Good luck.

Answer 4

Did you ever STOP doing things for him so he can do them himself??

For example: if he put the kids diaper on wrong, did you let it stay on wrong or correct him and never let him do it again. Do you constantly tell you "you do nothing...I have to do it", Do you always correct him when something goes wrong??

If you can say yes to any of those answers...he probably feels less than or that he never does anything right in your eyes so why try anymore...so why step up to the plate when you are just going to correct him or just do it for him.

He doesn't want get the job because he knows you will send out the resume, he doesn't want to do the stuff for the house because he knows you will...

Figure out your own behaviors and change them...you can only control your own actions.

Answer 5

First off, that is something that no one can answer for you. This is something that you are going to have to answer for yourself.

If you are no longer in love with him, then by all means, don't stay. He and you deserve to be happy and if you two aren't happy together, then perhaps it is time for you to move on and find happiness elsewhere.

If you do love him, but are just tired of his laziness, why not talk with him about it and give him an ultimatum? If he doesn't follow through on his end of the bargain, then stick to your guns with whatever course of action you feel is appropriate.

By all means, DO NOT stay with him for your kids' sake. Your fighting affects them, they can feel the tension, and will be very unhappy growing up in a home that is not full of love. The best thing you can do for your children is make sure you are happy, satisfied and doing the thing that is best for them, no matter how many sacrafices you have to make on the way.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

Your husband is what he is. If you have tried talking to him and he refuses to change you have to decide for yourself the next step. If you continue to stay in a marriage with someone you feel you can't respect then soon contempt will set in. Your children are influenced by how they see you and your husband interact. If you want your children to be raise in a home where hard work is a priority you need to leave your husband.

Answer 7

This doesn't sound like grounds for a divorce. Maybe, just couples therapy. You have to understand that your husband is probably dealing with issues that he is not discussing with you - like problems at work, financial concerns, and so on. He is also very stressed, and this slacker attitude is probably his way of coping. Therapy might work, at least, in allowing you to understand each other's problems.

Answer 8

You can't make a peach out of a lemon. Life is too short to spend it angry with your husband all the time. Your children are growing up thinking this is normal behavior for a husband and father. Split, babycakes!

Answer 9

You already are doing everything your self and this guy is a dead weight. You could stay for the children but what kind of example of what a marriage, wife or husband should be are your children seeing?

Answer 10

I divorced my husband for these exact same reasons.
As for you...you have to figure out what you want for your life and go get it...he's either apart of that plan or he's not. You can't change him, no amount of blowing up or couples counseling is going to 'fix him.' He's passive agressive and there's nothing you can do to fix him--he has to want to change for himself and adjust his behavior accordingly.