Please Help?

Question

My husband works with this Dr. and works 70+ hours a weekend has for a while. He gets a lot of overtime and that is a lot of money. He called me today and wants to quit because he says that he is tired of not seeing his family (we have a 4 and 2 year old) he is tired of not being able to tuck them in at night. Now I just graduated yesterday with my Bachelors and I have had a few job offers making twice as much as him and I would work normal hours. He said that he would stay home with the kids while I work. (Someone has to stay at home because our son has medical problems and therapist that come every day) I have wanted to work because I have been at home for 4 years and I need a break and I know I can make more and still spend time with my family. My hubby said that it was up to me to make the decision on whither or not he quits. We know that it is a major change. My family would hate it and say that he is a bad person because a man is the supporter. What do I do? I need advice

I am just scared of change and because I would make more is it a good idea. I have been wanting to work. and he has been supporting us since we got married.

wow thanks for everyones input it means a lot. I think that my hubby wants to spend time with the kids because his dad left him when he was little and he hasnt heard from him in 20 years. He wants to be a real dad not like his dad.

Answer 1

set your extended family's ideas aside... who knows your family better then you. Your questions seem like your leaning one way... You want to work... You'll be able to provide for your family, your husband WANTS to see your children (every kid wishes they had that) -- It seems like your husband wants it --- you want it... and your kids haven't seen their dad.. they'll love it. Your husband loves you and your children..... shame on your family if they would hate him for taking care of your children and it's what you want to do. I know what it's like to try to go against what seems like the proper traditional way of life... keep your head up and stand up for yourself and your family. If you believe you can do this... You can. You've obviously been able to finish a degree, raise children and still remained sane.... Believe in yourself, and follow what your instinct tells you is the right thing to do.

Answer 2

Forget about what your family would say, you are your own family now and you can make mature decisions based on what's right for you. You said you want to work, you should at least give it a try. It is scary to go back to work after being in the house for years, but it's a good scary. It's also a better situation for you financially so it makes a lot of sense from different angles. Other options for you two: you could each take part time jobs so you each get time with the kids and each feel like your contributing to the family financially as well as being taken care of by your significant other. Or your husband could find a job with better hours and decent pay. I think that's the most important part of this, getting him out of a situation that he hates.

Answer 3

There is no reason why this shouldn't work if both yourself and your husband are in agreement. There would be a problem if either one of you wasn't 100% sure - he was unsure about whether to give up his job and you weren't sure about what you want, but your husband seems in support of this. Add up the pro's and con's. You get more money. You get to work normal hours. You get a change. Your husband gets to see more of your kids. Your husband is less stressed with an intensive workload. So what are the cons? Your family would disapprove. Is this a decision to be made by them? likelihood is the answer is no. It's up to you and your partner to decide what's best for yourselves and your children. Your family would have to accept that. And your argument is that your husband would still be supporting you - by caring for your children.
It's a big change, as you say, but if the pro's outweigh the con's and it seems to make sense, then I'd go for it. good luck!!

Answer 4

Hmm, that is a tough one. I say why not give a try. You can always go back to whatever you want. He is a doctor. He always get offers, right? But make sure the therapist is a male. You don't want her spending too much time with your husband if she is attractive. I say it is never too late to change anything. You need a change and he needs a rest. Go ahead and give it a try and see how it goes. You can hopefully go back to this situation if it does not work or who knows maybe after a while you will both be in a better situation where he can get a less demanding job.

Gooooooooooood Luck !!!

Hope to hear what you chose.

Answer 5

The husband is meant to be the leader in the home as experience has confirmed it. So, since you have better credentials for making more money for the household, it makes for a a vulnerable position for your husband, if either of you take the inevitable too seriously. To make such an arrangement as you have suggested work, each of you must keep your values straight.
The idea that you are in a position to provide better for the family is wonderful providing both of you can carry it off and accept the reversed roles.
I would say, go for it and as for your family, in time they would probably adjust to the reversed roles. God Bless.

Answer 6

It maybe a huge change but it is a good one that is. Look at it this way, he supports you no matter what decision you make and it always works out for the best, Don't listen to anyone else but your husbands opinion, it's your business not theirs. I think it will be the best for both you and your family, it's not like you won't see them as much like your husband did and plus you will be making just as much as your husband did and you get regular hours. So therefore not only it won't affect your finances that bad but it will also be good to spend some time with the whole family. Trust me it will work out great! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

it sounds like you deserve a break and since you would be making more money, you working makes plenty of financial sense. it also sounds like he needs a break and has to work very hard for not very much money. despite what you're family says all that matters is what you and your husband say. if he is ok with it and you are too then its a good idea. obviously with your situation someone has to stay home with your child, why not consider this to be a fair partnership where you both essentially take turns. you were at home for 4 years and now its his turn. i say do it. and if your family has a problem with it, ask them if they are in the same situation you are with a special needs child. if they are then they can have an opinion but if not they cant relate and all their outmoded views about who should be earning what are irrelevant.

Answer 8

Do what you feel is best, do not worry about what other's think. If you can work 1/2 the hours that your husband does and make twice as much, and you want to...go for it. I think it is great that he wants to stay home with the kids! You sound like you need the out of home experience and should take advantage of a fabulous situation.

Answer 9

I think you should give it a chance. You just spent all that time and money on school so you could get a good job right? You may like working and getting out of the house. And as far as what your family may think you have to let that go because it's between you and your husband.

Answer 10

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. When it comes right down to it, who pays the bills? You and your husband. Be careful not to let your family make decisions about your marriage (or even influence). It can kill a relationship quickly.

It is a decision to be made by you and your husband, and if you are both fine with it, then go for it!! :) You are blessed to have a man who wants to spend more time with his children.

Answer 11

Hi..You and your husband are two intelligent people, who make your own decisions....Just explain to your children what's going on..
This is 2007, dads do stay home and take care of their children, and the home, especially, if mom makes more money to help support the household..

Good luck to you ..And stop worrying about what other people say.. No one else is paying your bills..Remember that!Your immediate family comes first!
Good luck and much happiness to the four of you..Take care!