Would you be able to stay with your husband after...?

Question

You move to a new town thousands of miles away from any family or friends with your husband and 2 year old boy. He all of a sudden thinks you're cheating on him with a co-worker. He
accuses you, and starts acting really weird putting taperecorders under the bed. He even put a videorecorder across the bed in a vent out of my view trying to "catch me" as he put it. We get into a big fight & I tell him to leave because he's being very disrespectful, he's really convinced I'm cheating. He doesn't come back, & you find out from a coworker that he rented an apt somewhere. I then hire a someone to follow him to find out whats up. No signs of cheating just work & back, but I find out the apt#. I go to try to talk to him because I'm confused(We were together for 6 yrs before this happened(2004), never acted like this before) He then calls the police because he thought I was going to go crazy on him. Our son was w/ me. Never acted like this again for 3 yrs now. No drugs/alcohol.

He was working nights at the time was taking no-doze and drinking alot of caffeine drinks to stay awake, was also a smoker at the time. A therapist i was seeing at the time said that cld have caused this behavior. This happened 3 yrs ago but it pretty much put a nail in the coffin as far as my feelings for him. I've just been hanging on since. We separated a few days ago, too much anger & fights.

amasmomma0, to me him calling the cops is a very big deal. It was very embarrassing & humiliating, the cops were very mean and my son was there.

I've seen 2 therapists since the incident in 2004 and they both think he needs meds.

Answer 1

Sounds more like the man has a mental disorder. If there is no drugs, no alcohol, no cheating on his part, that leaves the possiblility that he might have something really wrong with him. Can you ask him to get help? If not, then I would consider leaving for good. Sorry that you are going through this.

Answer 2

I always say for better or for worse, 'til death do us part. Things happen in a marriage that will challenge you. It seems that he may really may have a had a reaction from taking those no doze, then the caffeine & was probably under a lot of stress. If it's been 3 years since he's acted like this, what seems to be the problem now? Have you two tried couple therapy? Seems like you are burnt out. I'm never the one to suggest divorce but if you two can't get back to where you once were & have tried all that you can, then you should leave..But that's just me. If you truly don't wish for this to work anymore then you need to do what's best for you & your son.

Answer 3

I think that your husband needs some psychological help because no rational person would suddenly start acting that way. From what you have posted I can't really tell why all the sudden he would change and believe that you are cheating since you have given him no indication that you are even having any affair. I find it extremely strange that he has his own apartment. There are many reasons why he may be acting the way he is: he could be cheating and he just did not get caught or he could be trying to get out of the relationship or he could have some type of mental disorder that makes him paranoid. Either way you need to get out of this "relationship" because it is harmful to both you and your son. I suppose you could try to talk with his family and see what they say. But I truly think that this relationship is not very salvageable.

Answer 4

Oh my gosh I feel so sorry for you right now!!! I went thru this with my hubby kinda. He was so jealous all the time and always accused me of cheating or wanting to cheat. I am honestly not that type of girl and he knows it but for some reason he has a hard time dealing with his jealousy. I got so sick of it that I had to draw the line. I told him that if he didn't knock it off he would be the cause of our devoirce. Call me oldfashioned but I don't believe in devoirce so I think he got the picture. I told him he had to get help or I'd leave and never come back and I ment it! Come to find out he was afraid to lose me but that doesn't justify how he was behaving! Good luck and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 5

You need to get him some help if this came on suddenly. Have you talked to his parents and/or friends to see if any of this stuff has happened before? But first, you need to make sure that you get custody of your son and have some system of support set up.

Then file for divorce, but tell the judge because of your husband's erratic behavior you want custody. But it's time to cut the ties to this guy. Go back home where there are friends and family to help.

Answer 6

I think your husband is really freak out, first of all you should try to talk to him, but in a way he can't call anyone for help, for the sake of your child, you should try to solve this problem, the thing is why is he acting so weird and the most important thing, why does he stopped trusting you, by getting to the point of putting tape recorders and all that stuff, that's just not correct in someone that loves you

Answer 7

I'd get him on medication. It sounds like he might be having some mental issues. He needs to be evaluated. Anytime someone begins acting irrational there is a good chance it could be a chemical imbalance within themselves that has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol.

Answer 8

It seems like there are major trust issues in that relationship. Only because he called the cops doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he was probably trying to keep you from wailing on him! you guys were together 6 years and this is the stupidity that breaks you guys up?! You should definitely think about this..it may be deeper than what you think. Talk to him about it

Answer 9

If this is a recent and significant behavior change, he needs professional help which could include medical and counseling. If he won't get it, there maybe nothing you can do. I would not take him back until he gets it. He may be dangerous.

Answer 10

So your saying for the past 3 years hes been fine? If so, let it go, maybe it was just the move that made him feel extremely insecure.