Iam Engaged , but now i dont know what to do ?????

Question

HELLPPPP... I been with my BF for almost 4 years and we finally got engaged about 6 months ago. He is an awsome guy, and I love him alot. But even when we were dating he never really had a stablished job. I always fight with him because of financial reasons, and especially since now its more serious. I know he's trying, but the problem is he's not grasping things as fast as he should.. And hes not a go getter.... I am more of a go getter then him. He's too layed back. Seems like I am the only one whos really worried about our future. I dont know what to do, if iam having financial problems right now, I know my future looks bad. I dont want to be the only one whos brings in the cash, and i dont want to stress about not having enough money to pay the bills... What should I do?????

Answer 1

The #1 cause of fights within a marriage is $$$. This guy is not a mature man yet if he is incapable of being financially independent and responsible. For the sake of your future, DO NOT marry this guy. My opinion - call off the engagement, return the ring, tell him he has to prove to you that he is capable of providing for you and whatever children you may eventually have before you can consider marrying him. This is your future, you have to make the hard calls, you can't just go-with-the-flow.

Also, are you sure you are in love with this man? Are you sure you are not just holding on to him out of a sense of loyalty or compassion due to the 4 yr friendship? I really feel for you, and I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Answer 2

Could u deal with a financially unstable man? Do u want that in ur life? Or do u want someone more stable financially? Time to put some rules to the direction u want to take. If u truely love him give him some chance to develop push him a little if he is smart he wil surely go up there. If u dont love him enough time to move on..and find someone who can support u financially. But one big, time question does he fulfil u? If he does u know money cant do that, if he doesnt make the finances excuse to leave this guy. U stil have time, think about it before u make the wrong decisions.

Answer 3

Are you guys like engaged and have a date set or just engaged to be engaged? Finances are a big source of tension in relationships and a major cause of divorces. Before you actually walk down the aisle, you need to have a major talk about it because right now it sounds like your ideas about money and how to handle it and where it ranks in your value system are very mismatched with one another. Tell him how you feel about it now and what you expect your future to be. If you want to be supported by a man, let him know and see how he feels about that. It's not a horrible thing to make more money than him, but if it bothers you, if you have more traditional ideals, let him know and see if they match up with his. If they don't match up, that's a big issue and it might be worth getting out of the relationship to spare yourself trouble down the road. Don't let the fact that you've been together for 4 years change your mind because if it's not working now, marrying him will only make things worse.

Answer 4

Anything you have a problem with in your relationship now, multiply that by about a 1,000 and you have what it will be like when you're married.
You need to seriously decide if this is something you can live with the rest of your life. If not, you need to have a very serious talk with you fiance', tell him what you wrote here. If he's not willing to work with you to improve himself, the finances, etc., then you know that you both aren't "looking" for the same things in your future, and it wasn't meant to be.

Answer 5

Marry this guy only if you are comfortable with the fact that you will probably be the only one earning -

Put the wedding on hold till he gets settled in a decent job and looks like he is not going back to his old ways.. there is no way you can be expected to put your life in the hands of a man who has no planning for your future.. this is clearly a deal breaker!

Answer 6

while you're engaged there is no "criminal" status on your relationship different than the engagement ring and different sources that has been exchanged. It relies upon on the state you reside in. In maximum states mum and dad might desire to sign off on a marriage if between the events attempting to be married is below 18. yet once you in basic terms wait till you're 18 you may get married with or devoid of your confirm's consent. they additionally won't be in a position to tension you to have an abortion except you compromise.

Answer 7

Tell him...no job...then no marriage...don't go into a marriage with issues like this....if he's not adult enough to accept the responsibility of providing finacially for your household (and marriage) then you're allowing him to evade his "grown-up" responsibilities......one of the biggest issues that will affect a marriage's longevity is money. If he's not up to this task, what other issues could arise in the future? It's one thing to lose a job, and have problems finding a new position (we all go through problems, issues in life and in marriage) but refuse to start your life together as spouses until he's accepted that he MUST contribute as well.

Answer 8

I believe that you should put this soon-to-be marriage on hold, for now, until something constructive is done in regards to both of your financial problems. As it will inevitably cause you more heartache down the road.
Money is the common problem in marriage. You wouldn't want to be besieged with money issues which would probably lead to dissension in your newly formed union. As money in a marriage belongs to both partners, no matter who is the bread winner.
I would wait! Good luck in your decision.

Answer 9

HUGE, HUGE red flag. This is not the guy you want to hand your future over to....he can't get his present right. Finances are a major issue in a marriage. What you are seeing now is what you will get. Don't knowingly place yourself in that situation even though he's a nice guy. Real men step up to the plate, take responsibility, and take on a career.

Answer 10

You do not need to marry this person. It is a man's job to be the provider and protector. If he can't seem to get it together in those areas, your life would be miserable with him. I don't understand how you could love & respect a man like that. I am wondering if you are mistaking pity for love. Maybe you feel sorry for him and just imagine that you love him. You deserve better than that. You deserve more than he has to offer you. Please don't make a huge mistake by marrying this man.