Should I get a divorce?

Question

I am not physically abused by my husband. We have 2 great kids ages 5 and 7 who absolutely adore their dad. Problem is, my husband is a slacker. He misses days of work and might lose this great job b/c "his tooth hurts". I asked him if he thinks his job might be in jeapordy and he says "i don't know" I blew up at him this morning !! (in front of the kids) I am tired of his supremely lazy attitude towards life. He doesn't "take charge" as head of house and father , if I want to buy a home I have to do ALL the research and calls etc, I even got him his last job b/c I sent his resume out!! He is too laid back and when its nice weather he NEVER wants to do anything and tells me if I want to do something I should plan it. I pretty much hate his guts for being a lazy slob and DREAM of just me and the kids living our fun life but they love him and I'm afraid they'll be so hurt. By the way, we've been 2gether 11 years, I'VE ALREADY tried the 'talking to him', it DOESNT work. Thanks all

The MRS. Yes! He was kind've like that b4 I married him! So what? Does that mean that at 19 years old I just SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER????Is that what you're saying?

Flaggerguy- Loathing? You would actually loathe the mother of your children who takes care of them, the house, the expenses, the misc....etcl...wow I thought I had issues...

Answer 1

Hope,
Wow, thanks for sharing your feelings so well.
I'm really sorry you've got this problem in your life.
At one point you said that you even got him his last job.
He needs to learn some self-motivation. Unfortunately, you're gonna have to talk with him some more.
My wife & I had a GREAT marriage counselor to help us iron out a few things and it REALLY helped a lot.
Your husband doesn't understand just how important this is to you and he thinks you will continue to enable him by finding him jobs, and doing all of the research whenever you guys do anything.
Don't do for him anything that he should do on his own.
Take care of yourself though. Man, this is a tough position to be in. I feel for you.
It sounds like his goals, dreams and vision for his life & his family's life is different than your's.
I definitely think a 3rd party (like a counselor) would be great for your marriage.
This is killing you. Let your husband know that if he isn't willing to go to the counselor with you that you WILL start looking at divorce proceedings. (but you have to MEAN IT when you say it)
Good luck

Answer 2

I can't begin to understand your specific situation. It might be a hard thing to do (especially if you "hate his guts"), but you might seek some counseling. A Marriage and Family counselor can be a wonderful thing. I know many people who do it occasionally even if they feel they have a happy marriage. It wouldn't hurt to try. A lot of churches can get you in touch with the right therapist. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We had premarital counseling and it was wonderful and opened our eyes to some areas we needed to work on. The kids deserve both parents. Whatever you do, don't speak down to your husband or argue in front of the children. Remember that you are not only raising your children, but generations of children. They are learning from you how to be husbands, wives, and parents. I hope this helps. :)

Answer 3

The question is do you love him? After 11 ear sdo u stiill love him. He is not being or doing what a man is supposed to for you and your family, its a disgrace. After all this time he still has not matured. He really needs a wake up call and you need to seperate. Trust me when I say the kids will be fine as longas their father is still in their life, they will get over it. Now I said seperate not divorce, I believe in once you rmarried thats it but people make mistakes as well. Move in with ur parents if need be or get a small apartment or just a place where u wont be struggling to pay the bills. Take ur kids with you and tell ur husband before u move back in he needs to be in good standing with his job, take care of some of the things aorund the house and stop being so damn lazy finally he needs to treat u like u deserve. Please do not put up with that any longer that is not how God intended it to be, ur husband needs to be taught a lesson and grow up. Take action inform his parents as well if they are still living stic to ur guns.
good luck

Answer 4

If you can imagine being happy with just you and the kids, why don't you try going ahead and living that way? I mean, be happy, do what you want within reason, and plan for your goals.. short and long term. If you achieve this, then perhaps he will follow suit, or perhaps his laziness won't bother you anymore, or perhaps you can leave the marriage happily without all the anger you appear to feel now.
Go for it... give it a try!

Answer 5

I will be brief:

Counseling
Reward -- favorite dinners, sex, planning fun event
Punishment -- hot dogs, salads, no sex, taking the kids away for the weekend, controlling all the money
Family intervention -- If he has a brother or parents who see him the same way see if they can get him to look in the mirror

Try to set expectations and then give consequences. It sounds like he eventually could put your family on the rocks so drastic measures implemented slowly to keep putting on the pressure could work.

Answer 6

Well, you've decided to be his mother.
Since you treat him like that he will act out just like with mommy.

Perhaps you should rethink your attitude a bit.
From here is looks a lot like he just does not care to do anything to please you.
Maybe you put him in the corner too many times.

Do you suppose that he knows you pretty much hate his guts and has developed the same loathing for you and your attitude.
I know I would have.

Answer 7

Perhaps you need to research into what makes him a slacker. Has he always been that way? or was it an event that caused him to be this way? Once you find that out try counseling whether you stay together or not. Make your decision from there.

Answer 8

Let me guess you just woke up this morning and next you found this slacker lying beside you >he never displayed any of this behaviour before.Its all new you poor thing.See if you had of had your eyes open in the first place you might not be in the position your in and asking this question.

Answer 9

from the sound of this you pretty much do everything for you and your kids so you are better off with just your kids . do you want a couple of years to go by and still be doing the same thing ? and a "tooth ache"? my fiance hurt his ankle and still went to work with pain . allot of people still go to work being hurt so if they can do it why cant he?!!

Answer 10

Yeah, you deserve better. He needs to fall flat on his a$$ to see what it's really like. Don't enable or support his laziness. Take charge (I'm sure you're tired of doing that, but this time, it's for you and not him).