I am married but still feel the need for an affair?

Question

I asked this question a few days ago-I have finished with the woman I was seeing-too many complications, but I still feel the need for something extra.
I have regular sex with my wife-but it aint doing it anymore--this will sound really shallow but her body has gone south after the birth of our child(this was 3 years ago) -I make gentle hints about this-but a womans weight is still taboo-I still love her more than anything in the world- but ............I will accept all slagging off ,as I guess I deserve this

I forgot to mention she has cheated on me in the past.......great response-all those options have been discussed-but to no avail---if I could just f*ck her all night I would -great exercise....but I dont feel any attraction any more. My parents were in a loveless marriage for 30 years, until he contracted a terminal illness they hated each other.....dont want to end up like that,

Answer 1

Get a family membership at a gym. Your wife may not like her weight gain either, but it is hard to workout with a 3 year old at home. Gyms now have child care. Go with her and do it as a team-family event. Then maybe you can do something about really solving your problem instead of just putting a band aid on it. You may want sex outside your marriage, but you will get caught. Are you ready to lose everything when there are better ways to achieve your goal?

Answer 2

You need to accept your wife as she is & love her. You need to be true to her. You're being selfish and thinking only of your feelings and not hers.

Here are some practical suggestions for you.

Get your wife some new clothes (and maybe even some new lingerie). It will help her to feel good about herself and will probably help you see her differently, too.

Maybe you could start taking walks or riding bikes together. Is there another sport you both enjoy (swimming, tennis, whatever)? Maybe you could participate together so it doesn't feel so much like exercise to her and will be way more fun to do it regularly.

You need to have a talk with her about how you feel. Don't make her defensive or hurt her feelings, but let her know that you're seeing her differently & ask what you could do to help her be more fit (frame it that you want her to be healthy so she'll live longer and be with you & the kiddos longer...that will probably help).

Quit buying junk food & bringing it to the house. Stock the house with lots of healthy foods, fish, chicken, lean meats, whole grains, fruits, veggies and such. Get her a cooking light recipe book (if you have an extra five or ten you could get rid of, you could ask her help in your losing it by using the recipes).

Quit looking at other women & get satisfied with your woman. She bore your child & her body is showing the signs of it. Love her for what she's given you. She's never going to be that lovely lithe young thing again, but that's ok. You'll begin to change, too & how would you feel if she cheated on you b/c you lost your hair or got ear hair???

SG

Answer 3

Its pretty clear here that you are NO prize yourself. Why don't you remember what the **** your vows were and appreciate the fact that she is the mother of your child and has choosen to stay with you?! If her weight is a problem you can bet she feels it too so you demeaning her isn't going to help and certainly isn't going to make her want to be with you sexually since all you do is criticize her body. Why don't you ask her to take a walk with you on a regular basis. Do something to benefit her instead of just placing blame. You definatley need to tell her the truth. You have NO right to play God and basically make her decision to stay or leave your sorry *** for her. By not giving her all the facts thats exactly what you are doing and its wrong no matter how you cut it. In addition to it being emotionally unfair, you have NO right to bring potential sickness and disease to your wife and your childs mother because you can't keep your little dick in your pants. Grow up. And I hope your **** falls off.

Answer 4

I'm saying this because I'm assuming you mean mostly excess weight, which we can control, rather than stretch marks, which we can't?

Stop making hints and tell her, lovingly, that you will do anything to help her get healthy again. Work out together. Don't complain when there's no junk snack food in the house. Learn to love chicken breast and encourage her to eat healthy. Do these things together, it won't hurt you even if you're fit.

How many guys are disappointed that their wives put on weight, but still want a calorie laden meal for themselves?

She may be hurt, but cheating hurts worse.

You're exposing yourself and her not only to your extra-curricular partners, but also to everyone they slept with as well. A condom is not 100% effective, it's actually more in the low 80%'s. Sure it's better than nothing, but in a trust-based relationship, that's like saying you're going to shoot at her with a gun but there's only one bullet in the 20 shot clip.

You have a kid. If you're the shallow type, have you priced child support lately? A guy with that kind of fiscal obligation is not at the top of many successful womens' "to do" list.

If you are, as I suspect, just frustrated, loney, and disappointed, you owe it to yourself and your family to do what you can to make this right. It is possible, please believe that.

Answer 5

That was a good step you took in finishing off with the other woman.
Some men out there definitely want your overweight wife. Its good that you want to keep her, that is very loving.
Marriage isn't just sex, but being there for each other, doing stuff together and with family. Respecting each other, always.
Why not set a romantic mood on occassion. Candle lit room/sexy lingerie and for you too *wink*/body oils/soft music to sway to/blindfold her or you/candle lit the bathroom and you two take a bubblebath or shower. So many.

Answer 6

You need to figure out what is wrong in your marriage. Re-connect with your wife. Work on companionship instead of the day to day. Go on walks with her to get healthy. Join her in better eating habits. Go on a regular date night. If you still love her... find a way to make things work inside the home.

You might consider keeping quiet about any extra marital affairs and simply quit them! I have heard that admitting to affairs is only a selfish act to make the cheater feel better, and only makes matters at home painful! Try Googling this topic...

Answer 7

As a women who has a 9 month old and feels like her body is terrible, I sometimes need my husband encouraging me to go to the gym. Is your wife a stay at home mother? Either way, give her an hour a night to go to the gym. Go to the gym yourself and suggest it to her. All women are different, some women like their husbands opinion some don't. I obviously don't know your wife and I don't know if she knew you were having an affair, but if I found out my husband was cheating I wouldn't want him talking to me at all. So depending on your situation, I would say talk to her, and even talk to her about how she is feeling about your sex life, maybe that would help.

Answer 8

You really do NOT deserve her and give women ample fodder for the "all men are dogs....." stance that is so prevalent in our society.

Do both of you a favor and at least be man enough to leave her before you step out.

What a great example you set for your child as to what a healthy relationship looks like as well -

You're an all around suck-wad. Man up and just leave so she can at least have a chance to find a "REAL MAN" that will treat her as she deserves.

Answer 9

I think to cheat on your wife based on her appearance is shallow and you will get yours in the end buddy!

If you are that serious about her weight and have already cheated then maybe you do need to be more straight forward about it and tell her you are thinking of cheating.

I am sure you are not in the same shape as you were 3 years ago either...or have as much hair on your head or the same waist size and you probably have declined in the bedroom cause if you were hot she would want to get hot for you.

Answer 10

If you really loved her, you would appreciate her body just as it is, remembering it all went south after she carried YOUR child in it. Yes, she has some issues, yes, she could do more for herself, she could work out (I don't know what her daily schedule is), but to be honest, your excuse is a ver shallow and silly one. Just an excuse. If she had a gorgeous body, you would still cheat on her, because cheating is a matter of lack of values, not lack of attraction.