What would u do in this situation? I need as many opinions as possible please!?

Question

I'm 6 weeks pregnant with a criminal's baby. He is gonna be in jail next several years. I told an ex boyfriend from a couple years ago the situation I am in. He told me he would step in and help take care of the baby and my other two kids if I wanted. My other option would be abortion. I would be totally dependent on this man if I had this baby. He is a good guy but we've had our arguments before. I don't feel I'm in love with this man. But I do want another baby, and this is the only way I'd be able to. Having the kid on my own would be impossible since I have no family support whatsoever. My kids like this man. I don't want to be 8 months along though and find out this situation isn't working, I've never lived with him before. It's a huge risk. What would you do? Take the huge risk or make an appointment to abort while I still can?

Answer 1

Only you and you alone can make that decision whether to abort,however this stand up guy is offering an alternative,talk about your fears with him,leave nothing out.

Answer 2

This is the first time that I have answered one of these questions, though I read the Q & As from time to time.

I was compelled to write because you did not mention adoption as an option. Adoption is such a great option becuase you are not only giving the baby a chance at life but you are giving a couple/family a chance to have a child they might not could otherwise have. There are so many many couples out there wanting to provide a child with a loving home. Another good thing about adoption is that you can chose your level of involvment. There are so many options, an open adoption to where you get to know the child, or maybe on where the adoptive parents send you pictures and letters, or if you so chose no contact at all. I am not saying adoption is easy, I know it is a hard choice to make.

My sister is adopted. She is well adjusted. She is now an adult and teaches fourth grade. She is a wonderful aunt to my kids and will on day be a wonderful mom if she so choses. And my Mom and Dad were blessed to have gotton to raise her. Had it not been for her birth mother, they would have never had the family they had longed for. What a wonderful gift that lady gave my sister, my mom, and my dad. The gift of life.

Just a thought.....

Answer 3

Weather or not you decide to stay with this man should be the only decision that you should have to make. Even if you decide not to you should still not have an abortion. If you decided that caring for this child is something that you can not do then you should put it up for adoption. There are many, many people in this world that want very badly to have children but are incapable. So for you to put it up for adoption would be like answering their prayers. To Kill this precious child before it has a chance to live is something you should not even be considering. I have not had an abortion but I have two friends that have and they both have very hard times dealing with it now that it's been done. I am however 3 and a half months pregnant by my ex-fiancee and I have not been able to find him to tell him. I have no idea where he is or what I’m going to do but I have faith that everything happens for a reason and that I’m going to be all right. As far as moving in with this man, you have your pluses and your minuses. One- your kids love him, but Two- you don't love him. It's apparent that he feels for you otherwise he wouldn't have offered. But honey, you should never settle for less than what you want. EVER. Despite the fact that your kids love him and that would make them happy and despite the fact that he loves you and he would be happy, form what you said about how you feel, you would be spending a significant time UNHAPPY. And that's not healthy. Life is far to short to live unhappy. Just remember, every sixty seconds that you spend unhappy is a minute of Happiness that you can never get back. So think long and hard about weather or not getting into that situation could ever be able to make you happy.

Answer 4

Once you abort, there is no coming back from it. You cannot undo that. I'd say see what this ex has to offer. He sounds like a good guy. He was your ex in the past, so it's not like a complete stranger right? As long as you didn't break up because of him abusing you i'd say it's worth the risk. Even if it doesn't work out, at least it will give you time to get into a stable position to support the kids that are already here and possibly put the child you are carrying up for adoption.

Answer 5

Abortion should not even be an option to you, you made the decision to have sex so I feel that you should step up and take care of the responsibility. I would seek help from family and friends and leave the criminal to himself. You don't have to rely or be dependant on anyone but yourself. You can better yourself by going back to school for a degree (they have at home online classes now) and making a way for yourself and your kids. I really hope that you do not consider abortion because it is not the fault of the child and they should never have to pay for your mistakes, besides that could be something you will later on in life regret! Be a woman and go out there and do your own thing, it can be done!! Best of Luck!

Answer 6

You said (But I do want another baby, and this is the only way I'd be able to).

This is weird, you want a baby knowing you have no means to support it. You should be more logical than that.

But since that is not the case, sooooo what I think about your situtation:

- I would not support abortion because I am against it. However, you are responsible for your body and you should feel "deep" down in your heart whether you should keep the baby, or not keep it "whether the adoption or abortion choice". So deep down in your heart, you must have a hunch between (A) and (B).

- I wouldn't support the idea that you become dependent on someone else. This is your life, you got yourself into this mess... find a way to get yourself out by depending ON YOURSELF or people you can trust that will help you ONLY for a period of time till you stand on your two feet alone.

What I mean by this, if you let someone help you, someone you are not aware of their intentions, they may be looking for things in return... things you are not willing to give maybe.

So find someone whom you can predict their intentions, make it clear WHAT YOU NEED FROM THEM, and how IT IS TEMPORARY.

- Put yourself a strategy to depend on yourself. I don't know many details about you so I cannot help.. but you need to put PLAN A and PLAN B with 1 2 3 steps, to fix yourself. It's not good to be totally dependent on someone. Even in marriages you don't only take you give as well.

You're 6 weeks pregnant, and we are hoping you have a healthy pregnancy. So if you do not have a job, try to get one, or so on.

- Good luck, but remember... even if you let this ex-boyfriend help you... you might not like the result at all... so even if you did let him help you eventually, make sure to know all his intentions, and make it clear to him this is only till you stand back on your feet... and do so, stand back on your own two feet.

Good luck.

Answer 7

My god, some of these other answers are rude. They don't know your ENTiRE situation of being pregnant with a criminals' baby but decided to pass judgement anyway. I say think about it a while before deciding anything solid. If you want another baby but don't think its possible then put this baby up for adoption eventhough it may be hard for you, it will be best, abortion isnt the best choice because it can cause other problems. I do have to commend your ex for offering to step in to help you out, not many men would do that. That to me is a ''real'' man. Whatever you decide to do is your business nobody elses. Good Luck

Answer 8

This is NOT the only way you'd be able to have another child. You can easily wait a few years until you're on your feet again financially, and in a stable relationship.

Also, you do not NEED this man to support you and your children, regardless of how many you have. There are plenty of single mothers who do it on their own - it certainly isn't easy, but it can be done. It is by far the better choice to be honest, independent, and single rather than dependent and deceitful to a decent man.

Do not lead this man on and take advantage of what he can offer you - you should only be with him if you really do care for him and feel the relationship will work in the long run.

Abortion is a highly personal decision, but personally I think you shouldn't have a child just to satisfy your own emotional needs, especially if you can't provide a decent quality of life for the child without selling your own dignity and self-respect. I'd recommend waiting to have your third child until you are in a stable and loving relationship, and not feel you are trapped into a bad situation that you can't get out of.

Answer 9

This man who wants to step in sounds like a good man. But be very aware, that there might come a day when he wants to step out. He will have that right legally though not morally. If you feel that you need to have an abortion, then do so. But if you feel that you want to keep the baby then do so. If you are not working then you need to get a job so that you are not depending on someone else. You will be able to depend on yourself. You are not totally dependant on someone else unless you are lazy. Check to see if you can get daycare assistance or something. Get a job (if you don't already have one) and if you think that it would be good for all involved for this man to step in, then do it. Never expect anything though. He is willing to help, and that is what it is.

Answer 10

Having an abortion and having to have someone else take care of the child are not your only two options. Have you ever thought of giving the child up for adoption. The are many different options with adoption it can be open or closed, which means you can still see the child and watch him/her grow up. I would not just jump into a situation with some ex boyfriend that right idea is NEVER RUSH into things. As a side note have you ever heard of a CONDOM or BIRTH CONTROL PILLS you already have two children and another on the way and you say you cannot take care of another one. So please do yourself and the children a favor and STOP REPRODUCING!!!

Answer 11

If you were unsure about the loser going to jail you should have taken precautions to prevent this. Don't go from the fying pan into the fire. Wouldn't you rather have your ex boyfriend standing by you as your support rather than burdening him with responsibilities he didn't ask for? Not fair to him either is it? Please learn what birth control is to prevent any other unwanted births. You probably had the option to say no but caught carried away and now you are pregnant. Think about your options very carefully. Regret is a horrible thing that eats at you the rest of your life. Good Luck.