Is it wrong to set standards on a proposal of marriage?

Question

I have been married before, and the whole thing looking back was a joke. I promised myself that I would not get married again unless I had a special person, with a special proposal, and special wedding plans. Or am I being too demanding? Please answer!

Answer 1

It really depends on what you define as "special" and how high your expectations are. My soon-to-be ex-husband proposed during a commercial while we were watching TV. He turned to me and said, "You wanna get married?" in the same tone of voice he'd use if he was asking if I want pepperoni on my pizza. I don't think I would have been too demanding to say that his method of proposal just wasn't good enough. If you're a shy, quiet kind of person, and he proposes on the Jumbotron, then I'd say he's probably not the kind of guy you want. I once broke up with a guy because he gave me a very ornate, showy piece of jewelry. We'd been together long enough for him to know that I like simple, classic things, and the fact that he gave me the exact opposite told me that he just didn't understand what makes me tick. Some say it's shallow that I broke up with him for giving me the wrong kind of ring, but I say that if he spent that much time not listening to me, it would be shallow to stay with him just for the flashy jewelry. You have to follow your gut. If his proposal makes you feel uncomfortable or let down, tell him. Then find someone who makes you feel "special". Because that's really what matters, isn't it?

Answer 2

It's absolutely not too demanding to want a special person. It's not even particularly out of line to want someone who will understand what would be important to you in a proposal and wedding. However, remember that the proposal and the wedding ceremony are just two days out of the rest of your lives together. If he really is the right person, they'll be special no matter what you end up doing.

Answer 3

what do you consider 'special'? as in 'special' person, 'special' ' 'special' wedding plans? are you talking about some sort of production, worthy of some cheesy reality tv wedding show? or are you talking about something heartfelt, sincere, and unique (because it's being done by the special person)?

if you have a real desire for the whole reality tv mode, give the guy a clue. really, print up cards, to pass out to any and all interested men, that they are to be expected to 'ante up' some big bucks, to make it all about 'you'. if that's where you're at, then, good luck. it's a shallow view of things, but, if you are a bimbo, including the implants, you could possibly get it. but, i fear that that's all you'll get, and it'll be more of a joke than your first wedding ever could have been.

if you want something unique, and sincere, and romantic, too,
it'd be a good idea to communicate this to whomever is in your life. not a script for the event, but, if you show him that you are sincere and romantic, then he should be able to understand your hopes for the matter.
and, btw, if the guy is right, all the rest SHOULD fall into place, and even some banal and trite move, like a ring in your champagne glass, or the proposal at the little league game, or waking up to a ring on your finger.... any of these can be thrilling and wonderful, because the right man did it.

Answer 4

The special person is all that matters. I've been married before and had the special proposal and special wedding and the not so special guy and I'm now divorced so what did it all get me....nothing. The person you are with should be what matters most

Answer 5

any kids ? you have the right to want a life with a special person, are the proposal's reasonable? some people get caught up in having the dream wedding that they didn't get the first time around and looking beyond what really matters..take your time.. I was married for 20 years and my ex felt the same way as you do, you see other people happy why can that be me.

Answer 6

Wouldn't it be special (the proposal/wedding) just because the person you are with is special?

If you are with the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, then, having all that extra stuff shouldn't be necessary. Otherwise, you are putting on a show rather than focusing on your relationship. You can find someone and have a big showy wedding and have it end in divorce (me). Or you can find the love of your life and have a wedding that is small, intimate, and have it all work out (my 2nd time).

Don't focus on the proposal or wedding. Focus on the person.

Answer 7

So if the man of your dreams comes along and his proposal doesn't fit your definition of "special" then he's not the one for you??

Yes, that is demanding, as well as shallow. The whole concept of marriage seems to have escaped you. The proposal and even wedding aren't even the important parts.

If you never want to get married again, I think these standards are great. Any guy who hears, "This is how I want to be proposed to, blah blah blah..." is going to really reconsider. The proposal is the guy's dpt.

Answer 8

This is your life and you should try to get out of it what you need and want. My advice to you is to lay your cards right on the table with the next man you meet. Tell him what your goals and dreams are for the future. That way, he'll know and can plan accordingly. If he loves you, getting your special proposal shouldn't be a problem.

Answer 9

If the person is truly special to you then any proposal he does will be special. Then it is up to both of you to plan the wedding that will make you both happy.

Answer 10

I think you are right to have standards, but you should let the person who is making these proposals be creative on their own. you could drop hints but wouldnt you rather be suprised, and if your not then mabey this person doesnt know you. just take your time, let him get 2 know you so that he will give you all the special things he knows youll love because he loves you that much. BUT dont ruin it because sometimes the best thing you could get is something you didnt even know you wanted and wayyy better than you imagined.