is this poem good...i really dont like it?

Question

Waiting

I told you I love you, that you’re the one I care for everyday
I'm waiting for a response, please don’t delay.
I know it’s a shock, you never expected this
But I truly care for you; to be with you is what I wish.
Am I love sick, maybe, but is that so wrong
I have written poetry about you and other things including songs.

I love your smile, with those pretty eyes
I care about you so much, when will you realize?
That I will do anything for you, whatever you ask
I hope I’m not coming on to quickly, too fast.
I know that this is a surprise, because I’ve hidden my feelings to long
For years I’ve been just a friend, but is that where I really belong?

I want to be the one who shows up at your house with candy and flowers
The one who’s talking on the phone with you’re for hours and hours.
So now I’m standing here, waiting for an answer, what’s on your mind?
I will be waiting for an answer, you can tell me anytime.

Answer 1

I like the meaning and it's got potential, but if it's going to rhyme, the lines that rhyme should match each other in sound (the same number of syllables, the same kind of sounds in the same places). Otherwise, it gets a clumsy sing song feel that detracts from anything else it has to offer. Also "you're in third to last line is grammatically incorrect- it's 'you'" Most poems can usually stand a little more refining and that's all this one needs.

Answer 2

If you're going to submit it to a poetry contest, don't...not until you rewrite it so you are not using couplets (pairs of rhyming lines). That form is far to difficult to pull off and usually sounds too "rhymy".

However, if you're going to give it to your boyfriend, go for it. Unless he's an English professor, it will show him you care...just don't post it on his door (give it to him or read it to him in private). Don't ask him to show it around, and please, don't ask him what he thinks about it. Just let him tell you thank you and leave it at that.

If you want to write poetry, do it because your hand must hold the pen. If you want to tell your boyfriend you love him, do it with your eyes, your hands and your heart...and when that means your heart moves the pen, let it do so sparingly. (your boyfriend is already your biggest fan :)

Answer 3

I think this is a sweet poem. It has a lot of touchy words and if someone gave me this poem I would feel like they like me alot.

Answer 4

Great poem and lots of nice feelings also.whoever this is for is' really lucky ,,,,,,,,,,,,