could the people who caused me trauma, abuse, victimization, in my past, did it intentionally so i would be?

Question

screwed up in adulthood in how i viewed life and people? because now at the age of 30 i have borderline personality disorder, i feel very bitter, have anger control issues and have never made any friends in life other than the internet , which ive had for 2 years.....could the people in my past who abused me~,mind games by teachers, kids bullying through high school, the street hoodlams who attacked me in the street and victimised me, and others who abused me, could they have done it intentionally so my perception of people and life would be screwed up in adult hood, and i wouldnt be able to adapt to life and integrate and form friendships??

so in a way, you could say they instilled that in me, theyve caused me to be psychologically troubled? would you aggree with this?

Answer 1

It's all in your head, that stuff happens to a lot of people in the same order or not, but you are not alone. You are only a victim if you let people do you that way. I would make people pay for their dirty deeds in practically any way I could, even if I had to pay someone to help me, but that's just me. Friends are a dime a dozen, good ones are hard to find even if you don't have issues, unfortunately you have to at least give a few people the benefit of the doubt to find a true friend, everyone is not out to victimize and hurt you, just the government!

Answer 2

I don't think people intentionally try to screw another person up. Those people may have been stuck in a life cycle, repeating what was done to themselves. Obviously whatever was done to you has given you a bad outlook on life and people.

So think of this - do you want to continue life feeling the way you feel? If not, then only you can make a change for a better life. Get counseling. If you aren't open to that, at the very least get some self-help books or DVDs on building self-esteem. Seek God and ask for His guidance. And don't tell me He should have helped; it's up to you to seek Him, not the other way around. Vengence is His, not your's.

I do believe someone who has had a troubled past can overcome it and be an example to others. If you want it, you can have it. You are the decision-maker. You can go through life hating everyone and everything and be miserable; or you can decide that the people in your past didn't know any better and should be forgiven and forgotten. You decide, here and now. Good luck!

Answer 3

Those people in your past are graciously in your past. They cannot cause you any more trauma, abuse, victimization and so on. You are the one carrying on that torch by trying to blame them for the way you are now and continuously reliving the memories. You have become your own traumatizer, abuser, and victimizer. And that was by your own innocently ignorant doing.

As you behave now in innocent ignorance, so had they - EVEN IF IT WAS DONE INTENTIONALLY. It is your job to see that and you'll naturally forgive them. It is also your job to slough off this way of thinking that doesn't serve you except to bind you to an identity that you can't see yourself away from.

It is understandable to be angry and bitter. What you might want to come to understand is that if other people can weather the same trauma that you went through and come out happy and well-adjusted, then there must be an inability inside of YOU that allowed all this negativity you are feeling now. If you have an inability to withstand the onslaught of abusiveness and not know how to minimize it in your life or realize that it's not being done to you personally (that those abusers were only acting out of their own inabilities), then that's on you. In order to get past this, you have to do a lot mind-opening.

I'm not so sure you are ready to move on to a healthier state of mind just because you seem to want validation in your blame game. I'll be the first to tell you bluntly, blame doesn't bring about joy, happiness, or serenity. It may make you feel justified, but other than that it doesn't make you feel positive about your life. Has it ever? If blame is not the route to happiness, then what is?

You need to ask THAT question...

Good luck to you...

Answer 4

I doubt that any one who abuses think about the long term consequences of their actions. Usually the ones who victimize were victimized themselves and this is their way of letting out their anger. I hope that you will end the abuse with what happened to you (past tense) and not continue the pattern by victimizing someone else. I have a friend who was victimized as a child and while her sister became a moles tor herself she went on to become a psychologist to help others.She and her sister are in their later years now and yet the pain never ends for them. Such a sad thing.

Answer 5

The past is dead. Only you can change your life and make it what you want it to be. You can change your borderline behaviors or keep on using them. If you really aren't sure what they are then get counseling but don't get P.O. d at the counselor because that person is your source for letting you know what needs to change and helping you through the change. You must be sincere and willing to carry through. Otherwise people like me will keep writing you off and not want to be around you. You make life too painful for other people to want to be around you except maybe for another borderline. In that case, misery loves company.

Answer 6

I can say from experience, after being left by my mother at the age of 8, marring an abusive man,physically and mentally, feeling so much bitterness and hate for all those around me that if I didn't find God (and he's only a prayer away) find forgiveness in my heart knowing I couldn't control the stupidity of others and one day they will have to answer for their actions, knowing there is a reason for everything, if I look at it from all sides, that if it doesn't kill me I've overcame,and I've become stronger for it. I hope you are able to let go of your hurt and pain knowing it had nothing to do with you, some people hate themselves so much all must be miserable around them, it's out of your hands so put it in His.

Answer 7

I can't relate to a lot of that. Now, I haven't been attacked in the streets. I would be shake like a leaf. however, you have to work on yourself. Now, you certainly can't forget the past; I think about my own 3-6-5. However, I am not the girl who finished high school in '87.

Answer 8

No I don't think they did it to intentionally screw up your adult life. They probably did it at the time to make them self's appear cool and clever in front of their friends, to control and manipulate someone etc. They probably weren't thinking about your future at the time but about them self's.

Please consider seeing a therapist or an you could try Emotional Freedom Technique that I was telling you about. EFT has helped me a lot quickly to deal with my past and people who have effected me. Might be something that can help you.

Answer 9

no it wasn't done because of who you are but because of who they are and what they were about, but now you are on the road to discover the effects this had on you as a child and you've carried through into adulthood and by being aware of this and hopefully tackling this you will become what you feel you really are all about. I think talking to someone would really help to make sense of this will be very beneficial.

Answer 10

Everyone has a past, some are worse then others. What you have to do is to not let them win. If you want a life have to go after it. You think anyone is going to give it to you, not with what you have said in these questions. Life is what you make of it. I have live most of my life as I wanted, not all.