how do i get "alone"time w/ my husband with 5 kids??? help?

Question

my husband works 3rd shift so i have the kids {12, 7, twin 2yr.olds, and a 1yr.old}all day i wish he was able to help w/some morning routines so he gets up for a hour and helps then sleeps till3 or 4 then gets up and the kids want all his attention. so after we have dinner it's time for him to go to work at 7 he does get 2 days off, but he wants to hang out w/friends or hisself and play vid/gms. i would like to go out and have "adult"time but he doesn'treally like going to a bar, but i think it's funner to have dinner then go to karoeke or see a band and dance and let off steam. he doesn't have the kids all day so he don't feel as stressed like i do.i spend all day playing,watching nick jr.and reading them books.theyare always on my lap or near me even in the bathroom.don't get me wrongi love my kids, but i miss my hubby alone time. is it wrong to want a night out every once and while w/ him,cuz he tells me to go w/my friends and he stays home with the kids but i want him to come with

Answer 1

Honey you need to tell your hubby to get off his lazy butt and work on his marriage it's true he works hard but god gave him broad shoulders for a reason he is a man and it's his responsibility to care for all the needs of the family and your needs should be put above every ones. it's sounds like you're getting lonely for some adult attention and we all no what happens when one partner in the relationship gets lonely and feels like they're not getting the attention they want, need , and deserve.. speak up and make your feelings known to him before you head down the road of no return..

Answer 2

Nothing wrong with it at all! Talk to him about how important to you this is. Tell him you want to have a great relationship with him...and that you want to still have something in common with him when the kids are grown and moved out (that takes growing together, which takes time together).

Figure out a time each day that will work for your husband & ask your 12 year old to take care of the younger ones for 15 minutes (they can watch a bit of a tv show, walk around the neighborhood, go to the park or whatever) while you & your dh spend some time just talking. Talk about fun stuff as well as serious stuff...talk about his video games, his friends, your friends, your days (especially the positive aspects of it), make it a pleasant experience for him & he'll likely want to continue. When something is wrong, pick a time to talk about it, but try to keep the 15 mins for positive conversation.

Ask him if going out twice a month would work for him. Hire a babysitter, or if your 12 year old is mature enough have him/her watch the kiddos while you go out somewhere. It could be dinner at an expensive or cheap place, it could be dessert down at Cracker Barrel or Chili's, it could be a cup of coffee at the neighborhood coffee shop. This could be in the wee hours when he gets off work, could be after he helps you with the morning routine, could be before he needs to go to work in the evening. Just carve it out & say that on the 1st & 3rd Thursdays (for example) you're going to have your date nights & try really hard to not cancel them.

SG

Answer 3

gee, it seems like your husband's in his own little world when he's got spare time.

i think your idea about going out is a good one... have you ever thought of getting together with other couples and going out? do you get along with his friends' wives? i wonder if this would be a way to compromise, and get him out? He'd be around YOU and his friend.... you could get him to dance a few times... ? Or you might schedule a day to take a picnic and go to an amusement park or zoo with another couple or two? This would also give you time with him.. even if there are other people around... perhaps it's a way to start getting him to do things with you. he might enjoy it, and decide to go out with you more often?

if you have some good friends (couples with kids) perhaps you could have a cook out at your place? or make a trip to the beach?

i can see how you'd be frustrated.

it is nice he gives you the freedom to go and do things with friends, also. at least he doesn't keep you prisoner over there!

i hope it works out and that you get some good advice here.. i couldn't think of anything else! hugs

Answer 4

As a homemaker and mother of four, Favorite aunt to many, and neighborhood house mom, I HEAR YA!!!!!!!!! Time together without the children is a MUST!!!!! you & your relationship will suffer if you do not insist on it!!!! Remember the man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head anyway she wants! In that, plan for a sitter and simply say hun sat. 6pm dinner & dancing! I know it is tuff, I am guilty of putting the kids first ALL of the time. But believe me when I say....YOU have to do it for YOU! IF MOMS NOT HAPPY, NO ONE IS HAPPY!!!!!

Answer 5

If he gets 2 days off, insist that one evening of those 2 days is date night. Even if it's only twice a month. That gives him time to unwind with his friends. Hire a baby sitter for that night. Every now and then, schedule a night away from home (rent a nice hotel room), arrange for babysitting that night, go to the hotel early and set it up for a night of romance. You could also arrange for the kids to be elsewhere, and have romance night at home. Hubby needs to know that while you understand his need to unwind as he sees fit, you have needs as well and they need to be met. Remind him that marriages take work on the part of both people. Good luck!

Answer 6

Wow, 5 kids, at some point you have alone time, LOL

Get with the grandparents and see if you can't get one set to take a few and the other set take the rest.

You don't have to go out for alone time. Make a special time at the house and really be alone.

You have 5 kids - life is not going to be a party for a long time.

Answer 7

Boy! this is page out of my life. It is extremely difficult to make time for each other with children around all the time. Here's what you do, take lots of erotic pictures of yourself, each one showing a little more of your sexy body. You have to leave each one so he will find it when your not around, put a note on the back explaining that tomorrow he will get to see another that is more revealing. On the night that he is off leave one with the phone number of where you can be reached, when he calls, tell him how turned on you are and how you got so hot taking the pictures for him. Then agree to meet him at some motel where you can rekindle that honeymoon romance. Good luck and have lots of se*.

Answer 8

You sound a little whiny in this note, so please don't whine to him. Men automatically tune that out. Why don't you plan something for the two of you once a month? He doesn't have to do all the planning. I'm sure he'll come along. And don't just plan something you would enjoy. If you were still dating, you'd be thinking more about how to make him happy as well as yourself. If you're giving without the whining and expecting of something in return, you may just get something better out of your life. Give it a try.

Answer 9

Wow, with his work schedule it would be hard to find some alone time. I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him exactly what it is you are feeling and what you need from him. It sounds like he doesn't have a clue.

I have 4 kids and know how hard it can be sometimes.

Answer 10

Dump the kids on someone else. Tell your children that they are going to there grandmother house for the weekend. Then you take the weekend for you and your husband.