ready for marriage?

Question

i have a hard time with the fact that women are viewed as the ones who cook, clean and do all that kind of stuff. i have no problem cooking bc i love doing it, i just dont like to feel that i am EXPECTED to do it, and everyday. what are your takes on this? does this mean im not ready to get married?

Answer 1

Before the kids were old enough to take on some household responsibilities, dh & I shared the household chores. I love to cook, so I do it the most...he also enjoys cooking & loves to take over for me on it sometimes. He generally did the garbage, the yard & the cars...and I did most of the inside stuff, but he pitched in with mine, just like I pitched in with his.

Now that the kids are old enough, they take care of most of the cleaning & I still do most of the cooking & shopping. Dh still cares for the cars, but the kids do most of the yard work. Dh does most of the maintenance stuff.

Now...this is just what works well for us. We didn't really need to sit down and iron everything out, we just kind of fell into a routine that worked & communicated along the way ("gee, I really hate putting the laundry away, what if I washed, dried & folded & you put it away? would that work for you?") to refine things.

Open communication is the key to finding a system that will work for you. It doesn't mean that you're not ready for marriage, though, just because there are certain things you don't like doing. Work it out with your future dh and come to an arrangement that will make everyone happy. Dh & I have shifted the paying of the bills back & forth between us for all of our nearly 21 years of marriage. He'll take it for a few years & then I will...and then back again.

SG

Answer 2

I think you need to do what works best for you. Just because you don't want to be the one to be expected to do the housework everyday, does not mean you're not ready to get married. It means that you need to find soomeone with the same pinion as you and is willing to split the work.

I personally like the ( as the above poster said ) " 60's mentality". I have no problem staying home, cooking, cleaning and being the one to keep the home running. It's what works for my family.

Answer 3

No it doesn't mean you're not ready to get married. I've been unofficially married for 4 years now and officially married for 2 1/2 and my husband knows I don't cook, I hate it. He couldn't care less either. If you and your significant other agree on "roles" in the marriage then everything should be dandy. I personally don't believe in any role. My husband and I just are. We don't expect anything but love from each other. It makes life simple.

Answer 4

Amen Sister! and No, it does not mean that you aren't ready for marriage, it just means that you need to find someone who doesn't expect it from you.
Trust me, find the person who shares your views on what a marriage should be and the two of you will live long and happy.
Funny, now that I'm divorced I cook almost every day! Because I enjoy it and not because some egotistical jerk thinks its my "duty" to do so.

Answer 5

Your marriage will be how you set it up from the beginning. You have to set down and discuss how the marriage will be and who will be doing what. Who pays the bills? Who takes the trash out? It may sound stupid to do all this before getting married. But trust me you need to discuss everything before getting married if you want it to last for ever. My husband cooks and takes care of the kids, but so do I. I cut grass and pull weeds and so does my husband. It is great that both of us can do it all and our kids see this and they are learning to do it all. You are not expected to do anything. It is decided between you and your spouse, before getting married.

Answer 6

I feel the same way. My husband cooks because he likes it. I clean and stuff because he takes out the trash and cooks. Everyone needs to give in a marriage or it will fail.

Answer 7

That depends...would you expect me to cook, clean, etc everyday? Marriage means (to me at least) that you are now willing to share in the household work. So say you cook, I would clean up. I do laundry, you dry and fold. I wouldn't expect you to cook everyday. I don't cook even cook for my boyfriend everyday.

Answer 8

Based on your question, you are not ready for marriage, but not because of why you state. You're not ready because you haven't yet developed a clear understanding of who you are and what your expectations for yourself are. Once you have those things clear, you will understand what you can tolerate in a mate and what you cannot. For example, if you decide that it really is wrong for you to be expected to do the housework you mentioned, then when you date you can find out whether or not the men you date expect those things. If they do, stop dating those. The purpose of dating (besides fun) is to find a person with whom you are compatible. If you know your limits, you'll be able to tell whether or not particular men are compatible. There are men who do not possess the expectations you state -- I recommend you choose them for long-term dating.

Answer 9

I agreee with you completely. If you are in a serious relationship, and talking marriage, have a serious talk with your bf about expectations. If he expects you to be the housewife when you don't want to, then that might be a red flag. This says nothing about your readiness to marry, it just means you know what you want.

Answer 10

Doesn't necessarily mean that, just means you're a woman who's evolved from the 1960's mentality. Unfortunately, there's still those people refuse to accept that times have changed.