Do I divorce this man or not?

Question

My husband does not give me any emotional support,He does not raise to the occassion.because of that we sleep in different bedrooms,we have not had sex for the last 1 year,He does not respect me nor show any love.His relative always tell him to divorce me and get married to somebody else.
I discovered he is seeing another woman.
We have been married for the last 10 years and have 2 children who are very close to thier father.He is a very rich man and can support the children fully financially while My finances are few and without him I cannot do much.
My mother cannot buy my idea of leaving him,because sometimes he gives her finacial support.
The african culture does not encourage divorce or separation,
Right now i am deppressed for lack of emotional support.Lack of love.
I have secret admirer but how do I go aboout it.

Please advice me urgently before I break down.

Answer 1

Get yourself a lawyer and divorce him, soak him for every penny you can get so you can support yourself and those kids. You can even ask the court to rule that he pay your lawyer. This guy is a heartless jerk and needs to be pulled up by the short hairs.

Answer 2

I can feel your pain, you poor thing. I'm no divorce advocate, but this has gotten way out of hand. IF he's to get shaken into changing his ways, he needs a big wake-up call. Like not having a wife to come home to and seeing how hard it is. I'm sorry this goes against your culture - it's hard enough when it doesn't. Your probably really do need counselling to get through this. Although he hasn't hit you, you're an abuse survivor and need to get some survival skills.

Do some research and see a lawyer before giving any indication you're making a change. As his wife, you're entitled to some assets. Many states it's community property. Don't let him "hide" money before you make a plan.

You don't want your children to learn about how men treat women by watching your relationship. It's not any better for them to see this than live apart from him.

Leave the secret admirer alone for now. Your marriage may just need a wake-up call. And even if it doesn't survive, you need to learn how to be in a healthy relationship. Don't dive into another right away - you'll probably end up in the same one you have now but just another man.

It's scary, I know. Wish I could give you a big hug of encouragement..

Answer 3

You need to get professional help as soon as you can. I suggest asking your husband to go to counseling with you to work out your lack of communication. It is not fair to you to be lonely and feel this way. It is NOT acceptable for him to cheat either!!! Unless you have an open marriage which doesn't sound like the case here. There are times when you need to put your happiness above everything else because you need to stay healthy for your kids sake. It is possible to be a single parent and raise your kids. Although you may have to give up some of the luxuries that his income has allowed you. If you're not willing to do this, then you are not doing you or your children any justice. Remember you are a role model for your kids future relationships and if they see you accept this then they will most likely do the same when they grow older. do you want that for your children? Do you want your children to sell themselves short for financial security? Why don't you go to school so that you can become more self sufficient and financially stable. sounds to me like you are using financial stability as an excuse to stay miserable!! you deserve soo much more than that!! Try marriage counseling first and don't take anyone else's advice ....do what makes YOU happy. Your mom is an adult, if she doesn't support your decisions because of her own selfish needs, then perhaps maybe she should marry him! Good luck girl!! You deserve to be happy!!

Answer 4

You are wasting your life in a loveless marriage. If you have done all that you can and your husband isn't willing to show you respect by giving you emotional support or any support for that matter, then it is time to end the marriage. Get out and take care of yourself. Your children will be better off as well. Children have a way of finding out that mom and dad don't love one another. You and your mother need to learn how to survive on your own. Find someone that will love you and give you what you need on ALL levels.

Answer 5

If there is abuse then that calls for divorce. Other than that I have to ask some questions.

I have to ask is the two bedrooms the real reason for the lack of sex or is there another reason? Sometimes we women tend to stay away from sex when there is no love given to feed our emotions. While love is important for sex, sex can be given as a duty to our husbands even if love isn't being shown. Of course as long as it isn't abusive. Have you tried to entice him to have sex?

Showing respect to you is important, especially in front of the children. We can't always control others but we can control our responses. It is very important for children to have a relationship with their father. Remember that before you rush into a divorce. Sometimes sacrifice is needed to give your children a better life. Feel free to read my articles on AC Content. Michele Martinez

Answer 6

I know that you are afraid of what is going to happen if you decide to leave him and it will be tough in the beginning but in the long run you will be happy. He is seeing someone else and his family wants him to divorce you, it seems to me that he is pushing you away and trying to get you to make the first move. I think you should leave. Just so you know I am divorced and I have never been happier. It was hard at first but it was worth it. If you can't leave now they start taking a class so that you can get a job or better one. As far as the admirer goes I wouldn't jump into anything it sounds to me that you still love your husband. But most of all you need to start loving yourself first. If this person really wants to be with you they will wait.

Answer 7

Im no relationship expert but it doesnt sound like either one of you are supporting the other...It is hard for us men to understand about emotional support but I do.. And I am sure since you are sleeping in separate bedrooms he is not feeling loved by you either..I hope everything works out but I have learned that one person cannot make a marriage work. You both have to want it or you are going to be miserable. Good luck sweetie and if you need someone to talk to I am here.

Answer 8

I understand your situation my sister was also married to a very rich man same sh*t was happening. Get a job for yourself be self empowered and forget about his money. Money without love does not give you the happiness you need in life.

Divorce the piece of sh*t and you will find someone who is worthy of your love and as for your children he can still support them financially even if you are divorced. my advice is dont get yourself into another relationship untill you are done with your divorce he can use that against you in court he can say that you were having extra marital relationship. Divorce him to hell with culture if you are not happy. Good Luck .

Answer 9

You have to do what makes you happy. Life is about trying to make yourself as happy as possible. If it is about the money, well then you have to ask yourself "is it worth it". No culture accepts divorce, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I would try couples therapy and if he dosent agree with trying than maybe he is trying to push you to ask for a divorce. Be careful though, he may want to take the kids away from you. Do you have a formal education? How about a good job? I would suggest catching him in the act of cheating on you before you file any papers. You will want to have grounds for divorce and a leg to stand on when he tries to take the kids. Can we say huge alimony too!

Answer 10

Well guess what, if he is rich, getting a good lawyer will get you at least half that rich. I dont understand why you consider the family finances separate but hey that is your problem. Ten years together is going to entitle you to quite a bit. Two children even more Culture notwithstanding get out.

Answer 11

Well, he behaves like he doesn't love you anymore -- no sex is a pretty good sign that things are already downhill. I think you need to divorce him. You can get a good lawyer to protect your rights and get your husband to pay for the fees and court costs. I couldn't stand to stay with someone that disrespectful. I hope both of you can go your separate ways and find a happier life.