Ok here is my problem my husband owns a business and works for 7am to 2pm goes to the gym and sometimes does not get home until 8 and that is if he stops at the food store to pick up his health food ....he is usually home around 6:45 or 7...now with that being said i am preggo with number 4 boy this is the first time in my life i am not working....he really is no help he does not eat with us, he goes to the gym and i don't get to do anything...i also caught him in lie when i went up to his job last week and i can't shake it....i hate to think so badly of him but i feel taken advantage of and lied to...i also feel like he justifies it with that he works and i am not now...like he deserves all this time...so for the past week between the lie the time he is away and my hormones and selling my house i have been fighting with him non stop and he is won't take in any responsibility...what should i do??
2007-07-10 02:33:40 · 11 answers · asked by blondiebella 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like a self centered husband who feels it is the womans job to raise children, I would make sure I got my butt fixed after this child, sounds like you need to start trying to enjoy some time for you,,,
I would set up times he is to be home to take care of kids,,, and if he wont do it so you can have some free time,, just throw this out," You get half his business, " but then if he is truly the Ahole he seems he will go out of business and make sure you get nothing,
2007-07-10 02:42:10 · answer #1 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you both need to sit down and go over things. I could see why you are very suspicious, because he works from 7 to 2 and that's only 7 hours, than it takes him another 5 hours to get home. You both need to get together, and decide when you can have a break from the kids. I understand that he thinks he works all the time, but you know being a home full time with your children is just as hard of a job as being at work. You deserve some free time, just like he does. Even if he goes to the gym after work, he could at least make it home to eat dinner with you, and your family, and spend time with the kids, while you just chill out! He needs to get over himself, and I understand why you are so upset. I would also be upset if I was at home all day 24 hours, 7 days a week taking care of children and being preg, I would want my away time also, even though I don't work. Tell him he married you for a wife, not a nanny!!!
2007-07-10 09:46:59 · answer #2 · answered by Tommy's_Sweet_Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is your hormones honey - IT"S HIM. Something does not sound right. Just because he goes to work - doesn't mean you are not working. You are home with the children and doing everything else for him. You need to sit him down calmly and have a long talk. He can't just do what he wants to - he has a responsibility to you and his children.And don't let HIM blame it on your hormones - you're not stupid. It's a tough situation because I am sure he is thinking he can get away with whatever he does -he thinks what are you going to do? - you are pregnant and have the other children to worry about. And that is the problem - he shouldn't be complicating your life right now by being selfish. I'm sorry but it sounds fishy to me - a man should be home eating dinner with his pregnant wife and family - not living the life of a single man. You have a gut feeling and gut feelings are usually correct. He needs to respect you and compromise and if not you have a decision to make.
2007-07-10 10:14:15 · answer #3 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the key to every relationship. I agree that you should sit him down and talk it out. If that doesn't go very well, you should sit down and write a letter to him. That way, you can tell him how you feel in the clearest way without interruption.
I'm one that usually runs from conflict, so I use the letter bit a lot. It actually helps me a lot, especially during sleepless nights.
Whatever you do, though, try not to assume the worst. That would make your hormones rage even more and I know that stress wouldn't be good for you or the baby.
Btw, in my experience ultimatums never worked. All that ever did was make the gap between me and the other person even bigger. Negotiate instead. Negotiations nearly always work.
And come on, people. She worked before. *points up* He obviously doesn't have a problem with her working. It seems as though he would actually prefer it (just my opinion).
2007-07-10 09:43:24 · answer #4 · answered by Farrah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main thing with you right now is you're pregnant. You feel like you're fat, ugly and stuck at home with the kids and he's out running around and having fun. This isn't good for you, but this will pass. You will have the baby and feel better about yourself. (hopefully)
But, he should be giving you more attention and be helping you with the children and housework, etc. He should be waiting on you hand and foot and be pampering you. After all--you are having his baby and taking care of his house and children.
He probably feels he has you right where he wants you and is only thinking of his own happiness.
You should try talking to him about these things in a calm way. Tell him how you're feeling and that you really need him to help right now. If all else fails, after the baby is born, you will have to get a job, move out and be independent of him. It sounds like you're already alone. What more do you have to lose?
2007-07-10 09:51:17 · answer #5 · answered by countrywebbarbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the real problem here is that you don't feel like you are equal partners in your marriage anymore. You feel like he is using you as a baby maker and housekeeper and baby sitter. He isn't showing interest in you as he once did and you are feeling neglected. Make a compromise with him and make it clear what your feelings are. Compromise that he can do the gym 3 days a week but you need time with him, so 1 day a week is for you and him to be together as a couple and go out on a date. The other 3, he needs to spend acting as a father and sharing time with his whole family. Try to be calm, don't cry and don't get mad. Don't make it a threatening conversation in any way, but make it clear that you need this compromise because you feel the marriage has become empty. Good luck.
2007-07-10 10:03:41 · answer #6 · answered by true_heart_true_love_true_friend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should of left him a long time ago. Why another child, if that's the way he is. Tell him that you want a divorce if he doesn't change his ways and see how he reacts when you mention child support. Also if he doesn't think that you're working why don't you suggest that he stays home and you go to the office and do his work.
Men always think that a woman at home doesn't work
Yeah right, I don't see them doing it.
Either way you need to make up your mind, it's obvious he doesn't care.
Good luck
2007-07-10 09:43:33 · answer #7 · answered by johanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is very selfish. Give him an ultimatum! Tell him he has to step up to the plate and start acting like a family man, or he can spend the rest of his life paying out substantial amounts of money every month, after the divorce is final.
2007-07-10 09:39:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and straighten him out.
2007-07-10 09:37:17 · answer #9 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm...something is going on...follow him if needed...too many hours are unexplained...to find out what it is...you deserve to know everything you are his wife! If he's cheating separate...it's not fair to cheat on you...=(...if he is...
2007-07-10 09:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋