Am I just being too Catholic?

Question

I recently found out, from my fiance, that his last physical relationship was with a married woman,and now I feel sort of uncomfortable with it, I can't really explain why, just the thought that he had such disregard for marriage that he helped cuckold a man, it is really a put off for me, it is also making me wonder about his idea of marriage and how seriously he takes it.If he had no qualms about being an adulterer and helping this woman to break her vows of marriage, should I be worried he won't have a problem breaking the sanctity of our marriage vows?

answerman288, that is not my picture is is an altered painting of the Mona Lisa!

Answer 1

If this was me, I would certainly be very concerned about this situation. If he could cross the lines and be with a married woman, then I feel he has no values in life and no regard for the marital vows.

Think long and hard before you go any further.

Answer 2

I see where you're coming from, and I think it's definitely a red flag. Have you talked to him about this yet? I doubt it would help much. He'd probably blow it off.

If he doesn't hold marriage sacred in general, how can you know if he will do so in a marriage with you. If he is capable of crossing that line of sanctity, then he may not see your marriage as any kind of bond either.

What a terrible realization, and I think you have some soul-searching to do now, and at some point, whether you think it worthwhile or not, I think you will have to share this with him.

I do have to say tho.....in my past I had a number of frivolous and shallow relationships with married women. At a point tho I came to my senses, regretted having done it, and have not done it since. It's one of the most heinous acts of emotional abuse there is when someone gets hurt by cheating. We were never caught and nothing went on long term, but still, I took part in something that I now vehemently despise, and I would never, ever cross that line again. I was not in a relationship myself at that time either, in case you are wondering. Not that that makes it any better really, but I thought I'd mention it since I brought it up in the first place.

So.....perhaps you can give *that* some thought too. It IS possible to make mistakes, learn from them, and not do them again. Not everything in life is black and white. There is a LOT of gray in life.

Best of luck to you Miis Mona Lisa. :)

Answer 3

You might make that conclusion based on his actions in the past...... but you should factor in other things as well before making a decision.

Was he aware that she was married? Was she seperated or divorcing at the time that they were together? How old was your fiancee' at the time? Sadly, when we are younger, we can do some really bad things because we aren't looking much beyond our need at that moment. When he was with her, he wasn't thinking that someday he might have to explain what his motivations were...

I think you don't have much to worry about......... sounds like the only marriage vows he didn't take seriously were someone else's. Perhaps a frank and honest discussion with your local priest might be in order. Doesn't the Catholic church have pre-marital classes? Seek them out and bring your concerns out into the open. Do not just sweep this under the rug... you have legimate concerns... better to get them out in the open now as opposed to waiting for it to become a bigger issue down the road.

Answer 4

You nailed it perfectly. The guy has no respect for the marital union. If he disrespects someone else's marital union, that pretty much tells me he is not going to respect his own.

I'd be worried if I were you.

I know we sounds like prudes, with our zero-tolerance for potential spouses who might have fidelity issues. Marriage is meant to be, quite literally, a once in a lifetime event. We cannot afford to mess it up by taking chances with potential spouses who are making us raise our eyebrows.

I say "we" and "us" because I never hesitated to say "NO!" to the possibility of marriage if I had the slightest doubt at all. Because of that, my marriages gets stronger, not weaker, each year because I took the time to find someone with as much respect for the marriage vows as I do.

If you take marriage vows seriously, you deserve someone who takes them seriously as well. Don't "treat" yourself to any less than that, or you will get burned.

Answer 5

Answer man has a point about the pic you put up, but in answer to your question, I would think hard and serious about this. I've been on both sides of cheating. Had it done to me, also did it. No good came out of it. I say from experience, if he did it once, he very well may take the vows too lightly.

Answer 6

How long ago was this? It's not right, no, but he told you something in honesty, no matter how bad it is - he told you about it. If you don't doubt him as a good man, or someone who wouldn't make a good husband, try to work it out with him. Right or wrong, everyone makes mistakes, people often fall for the "wrong one" or someone they "shouldn't" but keep in mind that sometimes as humans, we jump into things without thinking, and we sometimes can't help who we fall in love with. Don't get me wrong, I in no way have ever or would ever do that, but I've learned that forgiveness is divine, and if you love him, forgive him and move on. Best wishes.

Answer 7

If he just had sex with someone, i wouldnt be worried(because i dont believe that sex outside a marriage is wrong,its part of life).But if he had an affair with a married woman, i would think twice(not because im into religion because me and religion are worlds apart) but because i do believe that if u can cheat once, u can cheat again.Its not ethical according to my practical ideas of morality.But i dont know if ure being too catholic..cant judge on that because im not religious.

Answer 8

You are not just being too catholic, I would have identical fears. There's no right answer here - it's completely what you feel is the right thing. Obviously you trust him because you're engaged, but has that trust lessened because of this? Only you can decide how much this matters to you.

Answer 9

You have good cause to be worried. You know the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater." I think it works the same with the people who are the other half of that infidelity. Besides, you guys are already engaged...this isnt something you should have just found out about. So, he hide it. There is nothing too catholic about wanting your hubby to respect the vows of marriage, thats just good and decent. Best of luck.

Answer 10

You are catholic are you a practicing catholic? are you not committing a sin by judging him and also having premarital sex or relations, relationship, kissing and fondling? yes we all have preferences and thinks we cant tolerate, if you consider this for you to your standards a form of betrayal or a weak character then why stay with him if its that serious to you ? was he young when he did this? was he wrong yes but was it a mistake? does he feel bad or guilty> people change you know we all make mistakes.......