How To Ask If My Friend Needs Help Without Offending Her?

Question

One of my dearest friend seems rather down and overwhelmed. She's had a difficult couple of years that include alot of stresses with money, work, and children as well as some other things.
The most alarming things I have noticed lately is her house and her children. Her husband and their children moved into their first house this year. My friend, who would normally be very excited about fixing it up and making it look nice has not even finished unpacking half of her stuff. Her house, which she normally prided on being very clean is a complete mess 99 percent of the time- kind of in a way that friends (including myself) find it disgustingly gross. The most alarming would be the "drop" in her parenting skills for lack of a better phrase. Things that she would normally be appauled at hearing other parents doing- she now does herself. For instance, she stays up late and wakes up long after her children are awake and they are far too young to be awake and alone roaming the house.

One two occassions, her toddler got out of the house while she was sleeping and walked to the neighbors. Normally my friend would be appauled and embarassed by this, but when telling me about it, didn't act as if it was a huge deal. I want to ask my friend if she needs help or what her problem is but I don't want to offend her. As a mother, I know that anyone questioning your parenting skills is a HARD BLOW to take, but they are the most important examples I have. Also, I don't want her to know that I think her house is disgusting, however, I feel it's rather odd when a person goes from being excessively clean about their house to having it look like a garbage dump- to me that's a sign (one of many) that there's something wrong in her life. How do I go about approaching her about this in the way that I want (I want to help her) without offending or embarassing her in any way. I know sometimes us moms get overwhelmed but this is a little excessive in my opinion and I want to help.

Answer 1

If she was my friend. I would see her calling out for help.
She is having a hard time coping with something.
You need to ask her straight out what is going on and if there is anything you can do to help her.
Tell her you have noticed some changes and your really worried about her.
If she is neglecting her children, you really should step in before the child services do and take her children away.

Go ahead be a good friend and see what you can do to help.

~faith