Honest, mature advice on what to do in this situation? Thanks?

Question

I had some issues in the past where I was emotionally abused by my bf. I got past that and dated a while but nothing worked out. I decided to stick to my morals, love me, go to college and do something with my life with no drama, no man. I did get my degree and have my own place and feel ready to start over. That said, I'm nearly 24, still a virgin, and have very little experience relationship wise than that of most people my age due to some setbacks. I feel over the abuse part, but I am not very confident with being physically active with a man (not just sex), not because I don't want to, but because I haven't done it very much, and at my age I will be expected to have. I feel like a 14 year old that wants to know how to kiss, how to make out, etc.. I've met this wonderful man that has been divorced and I don't want himto run on me because of this, any advice?

In total I spent over 3 years not dating at all. He knows a little about this. Mostly all we have done since we met was talk. A peck here and there but nothing major. I just do not want it to come to the part where we become physical and he thinks I am not into him because I'm not really progressing. I do not want him to feel he is moving backwards.

Answer 1

Dont worry,be happy. In what rule book does it say that just because youre a 24 yr old college degreed inexperienced woman that youre inmature or whatever? actually youre the exception to the norm and in todays society thats impressive. I hate to tell you that in todays world youre probably more apt to be sough after more than if you had so called experience. None of us just woke up one day and became "experienced" sexual experts. Time changes us all, and not always for the good either. If this wonderful guy is so wonderful he will fully understand your situation and let the relationship blossom at your pace and not his. If not,then hes not as wonderful as he appears. Be patient and when its meant to happen it will. God has a plan for you and has someone very special for you in store,so when you least expect it,youll find that someone special to become a woman with. Just be patient

Answer 2

"Moving Backwards"???? WOW!!! Society has done a number on the American public hasn't it. If you were 30 and single and a virgin there would not be anything wrong with it. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin before marriage. As a matter of fact it is the ideal situation. Why do people put so much emphasis on "experience". That word implies that you have "been around". Why would anyone want that? Experiencing all of your firsts with your spouse is the best thing you could give your mate and your marriage, so don't go rushing into sexual relations with any man. If this man leaves or is upset with you because you aren't "experienced", trust me there is a great guy out there looking for a sweet girl who hasn't had everyone and their neighbor. If he loves you at all or respects you he will wait until marriage to have sex with you. Don';t give yourself away for anyone.

Your not a freak, your a Gem. Priceless and rare!!!!!

Answer 3

I think your best bet is to just be honest with him and explain that you haven't had a lot of experience because of past events and you're worried that he may find this hard to deal with. If he's a good guy, he'll understand and help you get through it with patience and love. If he runs, he's not worth your time and probably wasn't looking for a decent relationship anyway.

It doesn't need to be a big issue. Most guys aren't going to run just because a woman hasn't had tons of experience, unless sex is all they're after in the relationship and nothing else. Don't worry about doing things 'right', when they happen it'll become more natural and the more experience you gain, the easier it will become.

Answer 4

Don't worry about it, seriously! Most men will be flattered and a little honored to be your first... even if there's no religious connotation, it's a rare thing for a woman your age to have no sexual experience and any man worth his salt will recognize that you are sharing something very special with him.

As to the confidence, that will come with time (and yes, experience). I would definitely tell this guy about your lack of history and your uncertainly in your techniques. Ask him to teach you - I guarantee he'll be walking on air. Or you can just go with the flow and learn like everybody else... with practice. :) (Of course, there are also how-to guides for EVERYTHING on the internet...)

A few things to remember: have fun! It's supposed to be pleasurable. Don't be afraid to experiment and find out what you like, what you don't, what you're interested in... And don't forget to laugh - sometimes things just don't go quite as planned, and it's best to keep a sense of humor about it and not take yourself too seriously. ;)

Answer 5

First off you are not the only 24yr old woman that's a virgin. My daughter is, so there are at least two of you.

Second, just talk to the guy and tell him what happened to you. Don't worry about what anyone else expect you to have done, just be true to yourself and take things slow. If he's a good man, he'll understand.

Answer 6

well sinc u have waited for so long u can wait for marriage... i still do believe that u do have a few issues of your past that u need to let go.. take some medical help ..it will help u...

and dont worry about feeling like a 14year old.. thats natural.. take your time in a relationship.. u seemed to be feeling pressured to get physicaly involved into one cause u havent.. take your time in any relationship..when u are comfortable with that person on an emotional level.. u can reach out to him phsically too {}

Answer 7

There is nothing to be ashamed of and if you feel this guy is the right one I would explain what you just explained here honesty is the best thing and if this guy is as nice and respectful as he seems Im sure he will understand and appreciate you even more with your honesty, then having him second guess himself... good luck

Answer 8

Get to know him better. How long has he been divorced? If less than a year, be wary that he isn't just looking for a little booty. After all, you've waited this long, a little longer isn't going to hurt anything and you don't want to throw this away on a booty call.

Answer 9

The physical intimacy comes after the emotional intimacy ( and part of emotional intimacy is sharing your fears, insecurities, etc. ). If you do not feel comfortable opening up your whole mind and heart to him, then dont even THINK of anything else. Talk to him about this, if it still doesnt feel right, then he is not the one. Dont rush. keep looking . and congrats on moving forward with your life. blessings!.

Answer 10

being totally honest i think you should tell him and hopefully he will understand and be kind but there is a downside possibly it could go south and he might try to take advantage of you stick with him for a while and slowly tell him...if that makes sense you must be cautious and make sure he is trust worthy and i hope he will understand and everything goes well for you :)