Okay, please help me here to understand something. All of my life I have only been attracted to men who wanted

Question

to have sex with me. I have no desire to have sex by, say, tricking(no pun intended) some straight guy into it or whatever. I don't find sex fullfilling if I am only the wanter and not also the wanted. Anybody know what I am saying here? Or do some people really just want sex regardless of what their partner thinks of them? That just sounds like a type of masturbation to me(except I could probably come up with better fantasies).

Answer 1

Oh, I wish the straight guys who get all paranoid over the idea that some gay guy might be looking at them would understand this. They don't seem to get that even if a gay guy does look, looking doesn't have to lead anywhere, any more than it does if a woman whom they're not attracted to looks at them.

Answer 2

I agree with you there. The reason why my sex life feels like the Sahara desert is perhaps for the same reason. I believe in a connect with the person who I want to have sex with. Rather, we both want to have sex with each other not just for fulfillment of our desires, but also for a deeper, emotional bond.

There have been times when sex was purely because I'd wanted it, or because the other person wanted an experiment, where I felt like a dog humping his master's leg. I felt disgusted, and unwanted. Fortunately, it did not take me long to outgrow my juvenile self.

There are people who think that sex is for sex's sake, and pleasure need not be associated with emotions. It's their point of view. As long as I know others don't think so, I am happy to bide my time.

Though I feel maybe I am paying a price for waiting for a right person, but I do believe the reward will be a million times more worth it than instant gratification, which can be easily achieved.

Answer 3

The part about people just wanting sex regardless of what their partner thinks of them? Once upon a time, that described me to a 'T'. Not that my self-esteem is all that great now, but it used to be a whole lot worse. Because I wasn't one of the "buff and the beautiful", I was completely convinced that most men didn't want to give me the time of day unless it was on a purely sexual level; that it was the only way I could 'connect' with anyone else in a way that really made them notice me.

So yes, I fell prey to many a good-looking (or even not attractive at all) lad, whose only intent was finding a quick, cheap and easy way to get off. And I was only more than happy to provide it.

Until I discovered that non-reciprocal sex, even with a super-hot guy, was like eating an entire half-gallon of Edy's Grand Light Double Fudge Chocolate Swirl in one sitting. It really feels (and even tastes) great while you're doing it, but the guilt, the aftertaste and the sick feeling in your stomach afterwards always made you ask yourself if it was worth it, which it usually wasn't.

Answer 4

I'm tempted to note Woody Allen's observation that sex is a very beautiful, spiritual, transcendental act between two people ... and between five it's *fantastic*.

While I'm in general agreement with the majority here that it's best with a loving, eager couple, that may not always be what ones wants. It may have been Peter Cook who said that if you want sex, a w@nk is a poor substitute; but if what you want is a w@nk, nothing else will do. I think this can be extended over other kinds of gratified desires.

If solitary pleasuring is K-rations, and making love with someone you adore is the finest Chateaubriand, there are many other forms of coupling that are within those extremes.

Sometimes, all you want is a burger and fries.

CD

Answer 5

Some people (like me) only want to have sex with someone who they have an emotional attachment to, and they know feels the same way about them. Others just want sex and don't really give a damn about connections or anything like that. It just depends on the person, but it's natural to feel the way you do.

Answer 6

Gaymes last, put it perfectly for me. I spent a many years wondering what was wrong with me because every where I looked people seemed to be in love and have a partner (except me), but casual sex just left me feeling damaged, I would be lying if I said I hadn't made the mistake, but now I think I was just looking for love in all the wrong places. I love the feeling of being in another place, another dimension, just you and your soul mate. I agree with you, sex without love is very unfulfilling and more like a solitary sex act, even though someone else is present.

Answer 7

You probably also would never be able to 'marry' for money or just for kicks, many people can and do - and regret it.

If I don't feel something, I'm just not interested. Even if its just a sexual attraction, there has to be a connect.

But you also have to realize that for alot of people sex isn't just about the physical act, its a validation of their self-worth AND its also can be a physical act of violence, or even a secret one of violence in their fantasies.

Answer 8

I experience both. There are times I have to know the person cares for me like I do for him, that there is real communication. There are other times when sex is a form of recreation. It's just fun. I don't see any problem with either one.

I try to not stick my nose into other people's business either. As long as it's safe and concensual, then it's none of my business. Spreading disease as well as forced intercourse are everybody's business.

Answer 9

I have never been the one to "hook up" with people. At the club I frequent people know that if you come to me don't expect sex. I have never felt fulfilled with just random sex, I need to have a connection. I like sex, but like to have sex with someone I have a connection with.

I was born gay.

Answer 10

When you both feel the passion the intimacy is more powerful for both of you.

Sex just for sex only left me feeling more alone. I much prefer celibacy to empty sex.