My husband told me I can't speak to any males that were ever in my life before him..?

Question

..even those who were never my boyfriend. I have always kept in contact (mostly through email, occasional phone calls) with male friends and ex's throughout my life. I have some wonderful male friends that I have totally shut out of my life because of my husbands jealousy issues. Most of these people dont even live in the same state! I finally agreed to do this, however, as I guessed, this did not solve the jealousy issue. I asked him the other day to see what he said, that if I signed up for a class and the instructor was a guy could I go? He said no. We have only been married for a little over a year, been togeter for two. This has been an issue basically the whole time. Now I don't have any social life, he accuses my girlfriends (and they arent even single) of wanting to go out and look for guys. I have not ever spent any time with another male since I have met him. Have not given him a reason to suspect that I would cheat or anything. Do you throw away your friends? Is that healthy

Answer 1

No, it's not healthy - it's actually one of the first signs of an abusive relationship, as the abuser methodically severs the victim's relationships with people who might support her if she should want to get away.

You husband needs to see a therapist about his jealousy issues - these are severe and need to be addressed by a professional.

Be safe, and good for you for seeking help early!

Answer 2

So, you were both born the day in which you met? Neither one of you had a past...You sound young also, but he sounds very insecure as well. Did you expect him to change after marriage. You've only been married a short time but right now is when you've established, conditioned one another to react a certain way in certain situations. My God how can you even feel that you need to ask for permission to attend school. He is not your father and you are no longer a child that you have to ask for permission to invest in yourself. Don't give him the power this early on in your marriage take it back...remember you and he will only be as powerful to one another as much as you allow yourselves to be. Hopefully, you're not this way with him. Feeding off one anothers insecurities. I also hope that you don't consider this jealousy of his as a sign of love...it most certainly is not. I don't agree that you should speak to your ex boyfriends they are part of your past...so leave it there. Don't try to get a reaction from him because you may live to regret it. Good Luck...and remember there is nothing wrong with having a male teacher your hubby just has to be reassured that "Your" mind is in the right place...to educate yourself. Good Luck

Answer 3

now let me get this straight,
If you go and take a class in something to better yourself and the teacher just happens to be male, you are not allowed to go to class?? How can this be healthy?? Get out now!! What if you get pregnant and it's a boy - are you not allowed to nurture your own son?? Where does it end? Anyone who tries to shut you out from your family and friends is not someone that you want to build a life with - where will the jealousy end?

Answer 4

Is it healthy or honorable to marry someone knowing how they feel on a certain subject and then trying to back out of the agreement after you are married? You said this has been an issue the whole time (2 years) so you knew his feelings on this subject prior to marrying him. Honor your agreement with your husband, unless you are not happy in the marriage and are needing the attention of several other males. You need to nurture your marriage, not your friendships with males. Give your time and energy to your husband. Make him know by your actions that he is the one and only special man in your life and that you are willing to "forsake all others" for him!!!

Answer 5

nope, that is not healthy! I don't think you should have given up your friends for him! Does he have friends that are girls?
You are NEVER going to have a life being married to this guy! You can't go to classes if the teacher is a guy???? How ridiculous!!!!! You better start thinking about your future, because let me tell you, this is only going to get worse, and I fear what he is going to tell you that you cannot do next!
I think you better consider getting out before you get into too many years with him. This is not a right way to live, it sounds like he has way to many issues, and it's with himself, not with you!

Answer 6

It should be a given if you are married to not speak to the guys you slept with before your marriage. But if he has to ask, then maybe there is some control issues and trust issues waiting to tear your family apart. Of course it isnt healthy. Where were the red flags before you said I do? In your panties?

Answer 7

No, it isn't healthy, or fair to you. Your husband should not have the right to rule your whole life; he should be the one to support you and love you no matter what. See your friends as much as you'd like, but be sure to make time for him. If he has a problem with it, stick to your guns. If things escalate physically or otherwise, take a break, and consider separation, or even divorce. While sad, separations/divorces can relieve lots of stress.

Answer 8

Dear One,
It seems as if Ur hubby has developed an inferiority complex, and have a sense of insecurity from ur side.Well i feel either u should make him realize that how wrong he is ( Handle him with care) Or it will be better to part the ways before things gets worsen. Choice is entirely Ur's.

Answer 9

This sounds really bad, and it's likely to get worse. You are an adult, and you can have whatever friends you like (male or otherwise). It's definitely not healthy. I really feel for you, and I hope you find the self-respect, and the courage to stand up for yourself, and what's right.
Your his wife, not his slave. He's your husband, not your master.

However, if you like being completely controlled...it sounds like your with Mr. Right.

Answer 10

This is not a healthy relationship. Me who are over controlling and jealous are insecure with themselves and feel inadequate in some who, therefore they are afraid that their spouse will cheat or leave them. Trust is key to nay marriage and he has none. This is his problem. It will only get worse if he does nothing to help correct it. I would suggest you both find a marriage counselor. ASAP