Appropriate punishment?

Question

What is an appropriate punishment for a 16 yr. old for sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and lying. Is grounding for 1 month ( no cell, no puter, no friend activities) too much?

She knew before she did it that it was dangerous etc. She did it bc of peer pressure ( her friend was staying over, and it was her idea, mine just went along). Was no real reason to sneak, she just "went-along" even when she knew better .

arggghhhhhhh

arggghhhhhhh

Answer 1

of course that's not to much!!! children at this age will push you in every way they can. they think that they are so ready to make their own decisions about their life. they think they know everything but in reality they haven't a clue!!! not only were her actions disrespectful to your household it was down right dangerous!!! and she needs to be fully aware that this behavior will not be tolerated for even one second!!! my stepdaughter is 15 and let me tell you she has pushed some buttons but her dad and i are right in front of her like a brick wall... stand your ground let her know you love her and you will not let her be irresponsible with her life... personally not only would she be grounded for a month she would also have to do extra chores the whole time as well and also have a long sit down conversation with mom and dad about future expectations of her and the serious consequences that follow if she chooses to continue with this type of behavior... remember you are the parent... my husband always tells me i don't want my daughter to hate me, but at this age if they don't hate you then you are doing something wrong... she will thank you for it later in life... good luck ....

Answer 2

I would talk to your child to find out the exact circumstances. Regarding the alcohol, they may have been put on the spot and pressured by friends to let them drink it or drink it themselves. If that is the case then you have some self confidence issues to work on separately. As for punishment. I would definitely find your child's currency and take that away from them. Figure out what is most important and that is what gets removed. Even if it's an upcoming dance or family trip. They should have to stay home. If you have other children this will definitely set an example to them and you will less likey have problems with them in the future. Where the other kids are concerned that drank you alcohol, I would consider talking to their parents and if you are not comfortable with that then simply remove the alcohol from the house when you are away. Then you can't be held responsible. If they bring it into the house when you are not there, then you can not be held accountable for contributing to them. Then if it is a case where your child was pressured, I think they should still be punished, but because they could not stand up for themselves, poses as another problem for them. And that is where you step in reassuring them that sticking to their beliefs and parents rules will not only earn them self respect but the respect of their true friends.

Answer 3

You have to be firm with 16 year old girls. Otherwise, they end up, well, you know, pregnant and/or smoking pot, things like that.
I have a 17 year old that is attending college in two months, and I just found out she is having sex. Seeing as how she is almost 18, there's little I can do about it but of course we had a long conversation about protecting herself from pregnancy.
My daughter though is extremely mature for her age, and an A student, so she is doing this responsibly, if too early for my liking.
Anyway, back to your daughter, lol...
Yes, be firm. An entire month of none of those things sounds a little harsh to me. I think I would weigh the rest of her actions also in making the decision how strict to be on the punishment. If her grades are good, if she does her chores, if she is usually honest, and if she isn't in any kind of trouble such as drugs, then I would start out with a one month punishment and then relax it toward the end...kind of like getting out of jail early for good behavior.
Have her spend that month with you. Don't let her build up resentment against you, instead spend more time with her since she won't be with her friends. You will strengthen your relationship with her.
The issue I see with restricting her in so many ways for an entire month is that you have to replace what she is going to be doing with her time during that month with productive things, and tv watching wasn't on your list, and it appears then that that would be her first choice and she would end up watching tv all day.
So structure her time well, especially since it is summer and she doesn't have any school responsibilities to keep her occupied.
I keep changing how I feel about this question. Summer is short, and she is going to be stuck alone at home. I wonder if you might consider letting her talk on her cell one day a week for an hour, or the same for the computer, or letting a friend come over for an hour once a week so that you don't cut her off completely, and reward her for good behavior and helping around the house more in the next month.
Yes...maybe one month is too harsh. I think I would go for half that time, two weeks. Two weeks is enough to get your point across, for a 16 year old girl, a week without a cell phone is eternity in hell, lol

Answer 4

Is your house a home or a prison??

It sounds a bit harsh too me. The real thing you should be asking, is why does my 16 year old feel like they have to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night?? In a healthy parent/child relationship, the child shouldn't feel like they have to go behind your back, rather then ask permission.

It sounds like you might be a real disciplinarian, and a control freak, and all your proposed punishment is likely to do, is too make them rebel even more in the future. Pretty soon, they will lose whatever respect they have for you as a parent all together, because nobody likes to be controlled (especially teenagers).

Answer 5

You know I always felt grounding was more punishment for me than for my daughters. Only you know if that's something you can stand or not. You have to stick to your guns, if you say a month, then it has to be a month.

I would suggest you ground her from, phone and computer for 48hours. During that time she is to remain in her room, no music or tv, she can read, sleep or clean her room. During that time she is to write an essay describing what happened, what she did wrong and what she will do to correct the behavior.

After 48hrs, as long as the essay is written, she gets back her life. However, she has lost the privilege of overnights. Period. If she balks, increase the time 24hrs at a time until she gets it.

You might want to tell her that being able to trust her gets her the freedom she wants. Since you can't trust her any more, its up to her to figure out how to fix that.

I always told my kids that trust is like a tube of toothpaste that is squeezed out. Very easy to squeeze it out, but impossible to put it back.

Good luck and stick to your guns.

Answer 6

I can give you three good punishments that friends of mine have used that are very effective on drama ridden teenagers. Take off the door to their bed room for a month. They want privacy, they have to earn you trust first. I also had a friend take all of the shoes and/or clothes from their teenager. Wearing the same thing to school every day will change their tune really quickly. Good luck

Answer 7

How about talking to them to see if they know why you are concerned (what could happen, how much you care, what it leads to, etc.) and what they think their punishment should be? Make them decide.

Think about it - those ideas you have will only make them sneak out more (and very carefully) - and, maybe they won't come back the next time!

Answer 8

If you really want to drop the hammer on her, hit her where she lives. What can't she live without? The car? Cell phone? Freedom? The computer? A combination of things? Pull it, stick to the sentence and make sure she knows why. Kids need consequences, otherwise they learn they can get away with murder!

Answer 9

Obviously your daughter is a follower, a lemming and not disciplined. I would never take anything away from my 16 year old because she wouldn't have them to begin with. When my daughter was 16 we had a family computer and she was limited to use it one hour a day IF she earned the time to use it. We had rules in our home, following the rules meant you earned your prviliges (television, computer, games system) not following them meant you didn't earn any privliges. My daughter didn't have a cellphone until SHE could pay for her own as well as the plan. She knew the rules, she knew the consequences of breaking those rules. I never negoatiated, never arugued and consquently never punished. Never grounded, never took things away. She never snuck out of the house, she thought for herself and was never a follower. I didn't raise a lemming.

Answer 10

No. She/he needs to learn a lesson. I was a wild teen and never got punished. I learned that there are no consequences for my actions. I am almost 30 and just now learning to live responsibly. I love my parents, and we've talked about it, and we all agree that things would have been better if they were harder on me. Good luck with everything!