I left my husband 6 months ago but came back because he made me a bunch of promises, which he broke with in a month. We started marriage counceling at that time but he quit after about 5 sessions. For the past 2 months I've gone by myself and all he has done is hide in the bedroom from me and the kids. He hasn't expressed any interest in returning. He does not talk to me about anything and the only answers I ever get are "I don't know" and "I don't care". When he F's up, which is on a pretty regular basis and I get upset, he just asks me "How do you think I feel". Should I feel guilty for leaving him? I'm so confused!
2007-07-09 19:05:03 · 9 answers · asked by Blue Love Aura 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One person cannot fix a relationship all by themselves. I think that you already gave a second chance by coming back and now he is not putting forth his share of the effort.
So, no, I do not think that you should feel guilty for leaving him. I would repack my bags and move on. I would continue counseling though....just to make sure that I can eventually move on to a healthier relationship.
2007-07-09 19:44:53 · answer #1 · answered by yidlmama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has that counselor ever suggested that your husband is clinically depressed? You might want to ask him/her about the possibility and actually try to be a wife and get your husband some medical help. You knew what he was like when you came back the 2nd time and you knew that nothing had changed to make those promises ever happen. So don't blame him.
If you care enough to get him some help, then do so, otherwise move along.
2007-07-09 20:06:13 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like he's suffering from depression. He probably feels as helpless as you do about this whole thing, but of course, he can't admit that because he's a "man". Men feel like (and society expects) they're supposed to always be in control of any situation, and should be able to "fix" everything. When they can't, they often retreat into themselves and put up a very large (often angry and bitter) wall between themselves and their loved ones ~ their defense mechanism to hide their helplessness.
Depression is a very serious condition, but one that is definitely treatable and can be remedied with a doctor's care.
I recently read a very interesting article regarding this very subject, and is similar to your situation, where one spouse is the constantly the "victim" (your husband) and one is constantly the "rescuer" (you) and how that can affect a marriage. The advice given by the doctor may help you.
http://www.wholefamily.com/aboutyourmarriage/sex_and_intimacy/q_and_a/depressed_wife.html
2007-07-09 19:37:06 · answer #3 · answered by Scout 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do the kids feel about him? He does not want to go to counseling, he wants to have no interaction with you or the kids, and he broke all of his promises. I do not think that you can fix him and being there to clean up his messes is doing him and you no good. Get on with your lives without him at this time and let him decide what he wants. does he to be in or out of this relationship.
2007-07-09 20:06:50 · answer #4 · answered by jdkkmac 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. You should not feel guilty! Try to leave completely. He's f'up for a reason. You need to move on as soon as possible. He's feeling sorry for himself. Good luck and don't look back. Don't feel guilty!
2007-07-09 19:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by solapine 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses to get Help, then there is not much you can do for him. He has to want Help and admit he has a problem. From what you write, it sounds like you have gave it your All. It may be time to leave for good and Go be happy in Life.
2007-07-09 19:12:00 · answer #6 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt feel guilty. He isnt holding up his end of the agreement. He has basicly checked out. He prolly needs to leave ( and stay gone until and if he changes). blessings.
2007-07-09 20:09:12 · answer #7 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You left, you gave him another chance by coming back, now he blew that chance. I would not feel guilty if i were you by leaving him again. How many chances are you going to give him?
2007-07-09 19:13:34 · answer #8 · answered by Andrea 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you're not married to my husband?!
2007-07-09 19:18:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋