I hate having relationships with people.?

Question

Ok, is this normal.

I hate being close to people. I don't like having close relationships. The closest relationships I have is with my dogs, And my 1 and only parent and sibling. I talk to my dog the most of the three. The sad part is, I talked to my one parent more when she was gone on vacation on the phone than when she is actually like 2 rooms away. I hate when people try to talk to me, I mean it's okay at first, but then when they want to be my friend, I just tell them with my body expressions and my demeanor that I dont' want that. I get extremely reserved when someone wants to be friends with me. It's like it takes alot of work if someone wants to be my friend, they have to keep trying and then I push them away, and then they come back and finally they get in. But that takes more than like 4 months to do. So it really hasn't happened. I can't believe I'm not even close with my family, but I like it that way sometimes. I like not being close and connected with people..Normal?

I'm not mean at all, almost too nice. Another reason I drive people away, is because I'm faking my way out of the situation.

Answer 1

I don't know what "normal" is. I don't think there's such a thing. But I don't think what you're talking about is emotionally healthy. There are lots of people who are similar so you've got company whether you want it or not. :-)

I don't know you. I can't answer for you. I can only tell you the similar feelings I've had. I had a pretty crappy childhood and learned to be a loner just to be able to survive. As a teen and young adult I played emotional push/pull games with everyone I got at all close to -- mainly girlfriends. I didn't trust myself and I didn't trust others. I believed that everyone was out for themselves and out to cause me harm. If you liked me there must be something seriously wrong with you if you like the piece of crap I thought I was. Since I didn't deserve being liked I'd do everything I could to make you not like me. Then I could say, see, I was right, you really don't like me. If you didn't like me I'd do everything I could to get you to like me and then I would reject you before you had a chance to hurt me. Yes, it was about the fear of being hurt, being rejected and about not being loved.

Any kind of intimacy scared the bejesus out of me. To be intimate I had to give up something of myself and become vulnerable. Being vulnerable had only caused me pain in the past. What I failed to realize or accept responsibility for was that I was the one causing my pain. So I substituted sex for emotional intimacy for years and caused myself (and others) a lot more hurt.

When I finally hit bottom emotionally and decided that, with help, it was time for me to take responsibility for my thoughts, attitudes and actions, my life started turning around. No, IT didn't start turning around; I started turning myself around. Since then I've learned to love and nurture myself, to fulfill my own needs, to look inside for the "fixes" in my life instead of trying to get other people to fill the aching emptiness, or drugs, or sex. I stopped using others. As I've been learning to "complete" myself I've found that it's OK to make myself vulnerable, that even if I get hurt I heal and the pain I caused myself by not trusting was far worse than any damage I've ever suffered, or could suffer, from an untrustworthy person. Trusting myself now, I'm better at recognizing people who probably shouldn't be trusted. Learning to love myself I'm finally capable of truly loving others. And so much love and joy and goodness has come back to me. I'm blessed; but the blessings have come from me to me.

No, I didn't go through some religious conversion although I do feel more spiritual. I finally, simply, decided to give myself permission to love and be loved.

If any of this describes you, I wish you love and joy and happiness and healing. Peace.

Answer 2

first off you do not have ANTI SOCIAL DISORDER. Maybe schizoid personality disorder or even avoidant disorder. I'm too tired to list the requirements for each diagnosis.

I will say this though. You sorta sound like an introvert who has social deficit skills. Your way of coping is how you deal with the world. You don't want to be hurt, so you push away.

I'm sorta the same way when it comes to the vacation-room thing.

It's almost as if you have a secure-avoidant attachment; that is how I am, it's not bad or maladaptive per se, but, it can be tough for someone to penetrate into your life. I've been told that I'm a difficult person to get to know, and perhaps so, but nonetheless it's a defense mechanism.

As introverts we value our relationships deeply. I have ONE truly good friend and I am satisfied with that. I'd rather have one good friend than have a multitude of superficial relationships. Am I pointing it on the head?

Introverts are usually very sensitive, nice you know. But we can give off a vibe that says stay back. We expend energy which gives us that no nonsense look. Have you noticed that when you are out and around a lot of pple, that when you get home you either shut the door and retreat to gain back your energy or either you find something solitary to do?

SO, ON ONE HAND you value your relationships but you are cautious.

I hope I've helped a bit. It's ok to be an introvert, nothing abnormal or anything. It's a biological trait. Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, and Meryl Streep are all introverts; we gwt energy from being alone.

you should read up on it, very interesting.

pple will tell you that you are weird and stuff but don't let it get to you ok!

But the personality disorders I listed could also be interacting with your biological tendencey as well. There are a lot of variables at play; it's really hard to say which is more dominant.

You should go see a therapist, it will help you ok!

Answer 3

No, Hon, this is not normal. But, there are people who feel as you do, they are antisocial their entire lives. But realize that at some point you will need to be with other people. You will work with others and it will be important to establish a good relationship with them or your job could suffer.

Even if you just have a small circle of friends, that's more than many people have. A good way to meet other people is through school clubs and organizations because they require team work... and that's one way to learn to appreciate other people and have them know the real you, too. And I am sure you are a person others would want to get to know.

Answer 4

It's sort of considered not normal, but it's not wrong. You just have a hard time opening up to people. I'm exactly the same way. Think about this: were you either abused, betrayed, had a close friend die, or perhaps been a child of divorce or single parenthood? If so that would explain it. You should have a few good friends to talk to at least.

All the best!

Answer 5

Relationships of any kind take work and many times are frustrating because it takes work. But being fully involved in close relationships, it is one of the msot fulfilling things. Yes, there is an abundance of jerks, as you can see here in the Cultures and Group section, but there are also some folks who wanna be connected with people. You can't control what other people will do, just what you do, don't allow yourself and your life to be dictated so heavily by others in the way that it has caused. good luck.

Answer 6

You are just a loner. Nothing wrong with that unless it's making you unhappy. Friends can be a lot of work and not always worth it. If you ever get a good friend it will be probably be a low maintenance relationship. No demands or expectations on either side.

Answer 7

I don't know if it's normal but I'm a little similar. Even with my closest family I feel best when I am alone by myself. I don't like when they randomly just try to get inside my head because I'm "quiet." Having intimate relationships of lettng people in your mind is the hardest for me

Answer 8

Not 'normal', but not terrible, if it doesn't bother you.

But definitely sounds like some type of anti-social disorder...

If that's the way you prefer it AND are happy, then shouldn't be anything 'wrong' with it.

If it does bother you, you can always discuss it with a trusted therapist.

Good luck and enjoy your company! :)

Answer 9

i don't think this is normal. the reason i say this is because i used to be like that, except i didn't even like dogs. i was lonely but i preffered it that way. with time i realized that the reason why i was like that was because i feared rejection and thanks to circumstances beyond my control in my childhood, the word relationship was currupted. it wasn't until i found the love of God that i learned that i can trust and even need people. now i have many people in my life that i love having around. i no longer feel the need to shut everyone out. i am not by no means implying that your situation is the same, but as for me i think it's not normal.

Answer 10

ehhh for me would be leo and taurus...........idk thats just in my opionion because im in a relationship like that right now. Undertaker@ I agree with you on that one. My friend(scorpio) is with an Aries and they argue and then later its like whatever. lol Im like ok werent you guys saying some horrible things to each other and now your perfectly fine. hmmm must be nice.