I don't understand?

Question

My friend told me she was bi when she was 14. Then a few years later when we were 16 she said she thinks she is a lesbian. Now we are 18 and she is back to saying she is bi. If being gay is not a choice then why does she keep on flip flopping around like this?

Answer 1

It's not a choice. It's just hard to find a label. That's what she's flip flopping on, not her sexual preference.

Answer 2

I believe we need to know a bit more info on your friend...but at this point. I would say she is bi, especially if she has been sexually active with both men and women....She might have said she was a lesbian if or when she had a fantastic experience with another woman/girl. but the flip flop might be because she also has had some super times with guys....

Answer 3

There are two issues, quickly:

1. Most experts agree that women have more "play" in their feelings than men do. I've heard this from several colleagues who are psychologists. She may actually be bisexual and just think she is gay when she has a crush on a girl.

2. Social pressure causes everyone to say things. Words mean nothing -- it is easier to be bi than to be gay. I know many men who know they are gay, and have privately told close friends who were also gay for close to decade -- but say they are bisexual.

In your friends case I incline more to 1 than 2 - but don't discount 2 with anyone.

Kind thoughts,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 4

Women's sexuality is a lot more fluid than men's. It's unknown why, but women have a much easier time finding themselves drawn to love of the person before the gender. Not the gender plays no role, but as a gay man, I cannot imagine ever falling for a woman. But many women can easily find it comfortable to feel at ease falling in love with another woman, even if they find themselves primarily drawn toward men.

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Answer 5

Sexual orientation is not something you choose. However society puts a lot of pressure on people to define themselves and often, especially when we are younger, we find it hard to pick the label that best defines who we are. Often these are limiting and we choose them based on circumstance.
Some girls who are bisexual will start to refer to themselves as a lesbian if they are in a long term relationship with another woman. Although they are still attracted to men and in future may date men the current circumstance sometimes makes it easier to identify as a lesbain.
My flatmate is bisexual but often doesn't bother to correct people who assume she is a lesbain, she currently has a gf and has a good circle of lesbain friends so it's an assumption people make.

Answer 6

Because Sexuality is a lot more than just gay bi and straight.
Those are umbrella terms. I don't use them a whole lot because I don't think that labels should be put on sexuality.

Answer 7

because she's neither gay or lesbian ....she's BI and now she is happy with who she is ... so just give her a hug... she's still the same person no matter what she calls her self ... so long as in the end she is still your friend ...thats what really counts

Answer 8

Teen years are crazy, hormones are raging. Some people are simply attracted to the person regardless of sex. Not everyone files in to one category, why do we need to label ourselves any way?

Answer 9

It's called confusion and struggling, which happens due to the person caring what others think of them and being scared of rejection and being shunned. I can assure you, having gone through it, that it's a painful process.

Answer 10

She is bi, just she don't really confirm.