I am a very modist person to begin with and I know its my own mother but I just want my hubby in there with me, i dont want to hurt feelings . Do you think this is wrong of me? Help! Need advice!!!
2007-07-09 16:42:29 · 46 answers · asked by Katy 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
No, I don't think it is wrong, but I don't think alot of young women fully understand why their mothers want to be in the room with them. Most of the time it has nothing to do with the baby. Just stop to think, this is the woman who gave birth to YOU! She knows what you are about to go through and she just wants to be there for you, to wipe your forehead if the pains gets too bad, to lend a supporting hand for you to crush, little things like that. Yes, the husband can do things like this, but sometimes the husband needs someone to lean against also. I know when my niece had her baby they did not get the pain medicine to her quick enough. Her husband was in total shock just watching his wife go through all the pain. I was washing her legs down with cold rags, my mother was washing her forehead and I had to tell him to make sure she did her breathing. Sometimes it DOES take a whole village to raise a baby. I asked her later if we were getting on her nerves and she said no, it helped her alot. You see, you are HER baby, all she wants to do is make sure you are okay. Now how it happened with my daughter, she had so much dope, she didn't feel a thing. I did stay in the labor room, but when it came time for the birth, I went outside. I understand how you feel, but sometimes you need both hands to be held. Just remember, you will be that waiting mother one day, being told no, you have to wait outside with all the other relatives. I don't want to guilt you into anything, just look at this from your mothers point of view. At least let her be in the labor room before the birth. On another note, I have read a few comments about not wanting anyone to even come to the hospital. Well, my daughter was the same way with her first child. She told everyone not to come to the hostipal when the baby was born and only a few of us did show up. After the baby was born, we were all down the hall looking at the baby behind the glass and she was wondering where everyone was. All of a sudden everything changed. Then she found out hardly no one showed up at the hospital, included her grandmother. Her feelings were very hurt, but she caused it. You see, it is nice to feel wanted. It makes you feel good. It is also nice to feel needed. Be careful what you tell people, because very few showed up at the second childs birth. Don't worry about all the people at the hospital, because you will be so busy and then tired that day, you won't know half of who showed up until later anyway. Hospitals believe in privacy, they are not going to let everyone who showed up to come back anyway. I wish you all the luck in the world. It is wonderful to be a parent, but it is even better to be a grandparent. At least we can send them home. HAHA!
2007-07-09 17:48:04 · answer #1 · answered by sissyt2915 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I feel the EXACT same way about my mother-in-law. She is very intrusive, comes over unannounced CONSTANTLY, and always has something negative to say. She hasn't really said anything about being in the delivery room, but I've already made it clear that I do NOT want her in the room. You are the one delivering the baby, so it's YOUR decision. If she gets offended, well that's too bad. Just talk to your hubby beforehand so he knows how you feel. She'll see the baby soon enough after he/she is born. I think you should tell your husband that he can call his mother when you are in labor, but tell her that you are asking that NOBODY come to the hospital until YOU call them. Most hospitals reserve the first few hours of life for the mother and father only, so she would just be sitting in the waiting room anyways. Have him let her know that you will call her when she can come see the baby. Good luck!
2016-05-22 01:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think you're perfectly fine in your thinking. I don't want anyone, not even the doctor in there--I have to put up with him though just in case something weird goes on.
In my book If there weren't there when the baby was created then they don't need to be there when the baby is born.
The waiting room is close enough for family who just have to be there. (I'd rather they all just stayed home until I called and said it was ok to come) I also want my own Mommy time with my baby, I carried the child for 9mos, so shouldn't I be the first to hold her and cuddle her? I nurse my children and plan to nurse just as soon as the doctor hands me my child, at that point the doctor should leave also.
I would recommend having a heart to heart with your mom and explain to her that the idea of her being there is uncomfortable to you. Your comfort during delivery is of the utmost importance, if you feel stressed out it could affect how things go. I'm not trying to scare you, but if you're uncomfortable with the situation than that should be the priority, it's your feelings too. You will be going through a lot during delivery and having to feel like you must also entertain your mother will just add to the stress of the situation. If you change your mind during delivery and want her there you can always send a nurse to get her.
2007-07-09 17:02:49 · answer #3 · answered by kd5bel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong of you. Before you ever enter the hospital you need to convey your feelings to your family and tell your husband the same. If you are meeting resistance, talk to your doctor, s/he can order everyone out at the appropriate time. I doubt anyone will second guess the doctor.
I wanted my mom in there with me the whole time, even though my hubby was there the whole time too. I ended up having a c-section, but because I had already discussed my wishes to the doctor she even let both into the OR for the delivery. You will be amazed at how much you depend on your mom at this point in your life. I have had a very difficult relationship with my mom my whole life, but right then I wanted my Mommy! It is a scary and emotional time, so make sure you really don't want certain people in there. You can request that they stay above the waist and they won't see anything you don't want them to.
2007-07-09 16:50:46 · answer #4 · answered by alicia0821 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The most important thing is that you do what's right for you.
I'm going through the same thing, except I want to ask all of my family to not even come to the hospital. I am struggling with it, though, because I know it will really upset some members of my family. The thing is, I struggle with anxiety and I know that after I give birth I will need lots of time of just me, the baby, and my husband to recover. If I see family before I am ready I will mostly likely get angry at them, bite their heads off, and then hate myself five minutes later, greatly increasing my stress, which might harm my baby (if I get too stressed out I might have to take medication and not be able to breastfeed). Also, in the end I would end up damaging those relationships I was trying to "help" by doing something I didn't want to do in the first place. So, I've decided to go through with it and ask everyone to wait a week or two to come visit... We'll see if everyone hates me for it, but at least I know I made the right decision.
Anyway, that's a long answer. Do what's right for you and your baby, and ask your family to support you in that. If they can't do that, don't let their hurt feelings bother you too much. Your baby is what's important now, not your baby's grandparents.
2007-07-09 17:10:34 · answer #5 · answered by Katie W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's your baby and your body....if the only family you want in the delivery room is your hubby, then make that clear. Tell your mom that you love her and that you expect her to be at the hospital, and as soon as you're decent, you want her and whoever else in the recovery room, making a fuss over the baby and you, but it just makes you uncomfortable to have anyone who is not your hubby or medical staff in the room while you deliver. You may change your mind on that and you may not, but let her down gently and with love.
2007-07-09 16:49:16 · answer #6 · answered by rockjock_2000 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I actually work in a hospital and so when I delivered my first baby i was so afraid that someone that I work with and see on a daily basis would have access to the delivery room. I really did not want anyone to see me. I only wanted my husband in there with me and no one else. However, let me tell you... my mind was changed really fast. When it came time to push the baby out, I could have cared less if the administrator of the hospital was in the room. It really does not matter who is there when the time comes... honestly! But the decision is yours and everyone should honor and understand your request. I completely understand where you are coming from.
2007-07-09 16:47:53 · answer #7 · answered by ru.barbie2 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong. It is a special time and if you only want your hubby there it is ok. I am sure your mom will understand. With my first child, I invited my mom and both sisters into the delivery room with us, but when things heated up and got painful I kicked them out. Not sure why but I guess at the time I felt it was right. They were fine with it. They were just as excited to be sitting in the waiting room, knowing they would still be the first to see the new addition to our family.
2007-07-09 16:49:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is completely up to you. Tell them it is hospital policy to only have one "coach" in the room with you. I do know of hospitals with this policy. If your family is already aware of the visitation policy then just tell them that you and your husband want the birth to be a private moment, but you want them to be some of your child's 1st visitors. Also tell her that since you don't know how long it will take or what might happen it would be easier for her if she waited outside the room. My mom was in the delivery room with us for my 1st one and it ended up taking 14 hours and then it was a C-Section. She didn't even witness the birth! There are generally really nice waiting areas in the birthing centers and she can come in as soon as your little one arrives and has met his/her Mommy and Daddy!.
2007-07-09 17:46:07 · answer #9 · answered by Megan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh i know what you mean. My mom thought because my sisters let her in the delivery room when they had their babies i would do the same. Well i made it very clear to my mom and everyone that the only person i wanted in the delivery room was my husband. My mom is a very pushy person, and she would always make comments to me like" if he passes out i will be his backup", "if he decides he doent want to be in the room then i will be there." all these comments irritated me. But on the day i went into labor, i was glad my mom held my hand through the contractions. She was not in the delivery room at the birth, just my husband. It seemed like it made me and my husband bond after our son was born. Now i just have to deal with my mom being the most proudest grandma which can get on my nerves too!! Just tell her that this time you only want him in the room. Maybe the next child(if you plan to have more) she could be in with you. But its your choice. After all you are the one giving birth now, not her. She will get over it... Fellings may be hurt at first, but then its like oh well, wait for the next one!
2007-07-09 19:55:04 · answer #10 · answered by tdlanj2003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋