Long distance marriage+ red tape on various things?

Question

Basically me and my girlfriend would like to get married so that Americorps would allow me to spend time with her during the breaks instead of having to go to relatives/family. Basically they pay off the travel fairs for it so I heard. Otherwise I'd have to travel for an entire day from So.California to Oregon if I go to my parents home for break. Which in gas now is a good 200-400 bucks. Plus by the time break comes around parents may sell my car.

I'm joining Americorps to help people but also to save money for college and starting a life with my girlfriend. We're both 19 and know we want to stay together for life (been going out 4 years).

Anyways troubles are for example, her insurance would be canceled if she did get married, Unfortunantly the Insurance from Americorps doesnt extend to family,(cheap bastards) and the dont allow use to spend breaks with Fiance's.

It's a pain in the butt cause she is forgetful about trying to fix stuff and I want to spend more time w/ her.
Help?

for the past 2 years we have been in a long distance relationship due to college

no she isnt in Americorps herself. She is living with her mom and working at a general store,saving for college plus paying off previous loans. She is staying in that situation to get her gen ed out of the way and to try and connect with her anti social, slightly retard, brother, who doesnt like her.

No sorry let me re-say my question

I am trying to figure out
- if there is an insurance that will take care of her while married for the same price as if she wasnt
- if there are any other financial issues for long distance relationships

etc. etc.

Joining Americorps for
-Helping people
-Job and education Benefits
-Scholorship
-Travelling experiance

Answer 1

It sounds like you are getting married for the wrong reasons. You're 19- you haven't really experienced life yet & your life has been sheltered so far. You haven't gone through those experiences that only happen when you get older. Insurance is really important & is more costly than the gas you would burn to go see her. (It would almost be cheaper for you both to split airfare costs.) If you aren't willing to sink $200-400 into gas or airfare to see each other, then you shouldn't be getting married. Marriage is so much more expensive.

A long distance marriage is one of the hardest things to do. It's lonely & it's frustrating, more so for the one left behind. I've seen it in the military & there have been more divorces & affairs (or both) that occur because of this. Wait a year, please. Let her know when you are coming down so she can save up to get a plane ticket to fly down to your home town. You may want to see about splitting the costs of gas as well. Sure it's still expensive, but so is divorce & gas doesn't have all of the mental hangups that come with it.

You say that you "love each other for life", but you haven't really been apart yet. Not like you will be when you go to Americorps. It's unfair to ask this of each other at this young age. You need to see what the distance will do to your relationship first before sinking money into a marraige. Studies have shown that the longer the engagement is & the more educated you are, the better the chances are of the marraige working out.

EDIT:

There is no way that she would be able to get an insurance for the same amount that she is paying now. Insurance that doesn't come through your job, school, or parents is horrendously expensive. Trust me- I went without insurance for a while & looked into it. Paying for the gas to visit her will be much cheaper & will have more of an immediate payoff. There are cheap-ish looking plans out there, but they don't cover everything & in fact are little more than scams. They'll argue each & every charge that they recieve. (I work in an ER & you wouldn't believe how sleazy some of these places are in disputing life saving procedures & overnight stays.) When you add these up over the process of months, the costs are equal to or greater than the cost of gas.

There are most costs than this as well. Her financial aid will also decrease. She is now a wife & the state assumes that you are able to pay the extra costs now. (Half the reason my little sis hasn't married her fiancee yet.) State & federal taxes will increase as well. There are so many more hidden expenses than you would think.

Answer 2

Well for one, don't find convenience your reason for getting married honey. You are only 19 and alot changes in the next three years. It's very rare that highschool sweethearts make it to that long happy life we all dream of. And I'm not being harsh, it's a sad reality.

Now, for the better part....Just because it's rare, doesn't mean it can't happen. However, I don't think marriage should be your main concern until you are a little more stable. Joining the Americorps would allow you to be close to her, get insurance, without her having to be dropped (if you are both in it, they have to cover you both), and it wouldn't matter if your parents sell the car....you'd be saving that $200 - $400 spent on travel anyway. And they'd pay for your travel if you join...they only offer discounts to spouses. Joining the Corps seems to be a win win situation for everyone. However, there seems to be something holding you back from making that committment. One has to ask why you didn't join when she did, it was something you could do together? I think it's great you want to be with her honey, just make sure that you are doing this for you too. It's a big step.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that so many people are telling you that a long-distance marriage will not work because of cheating or their archaic views of 'needing to be one.' My husband and I were living long-distance for the first 3 years of our marriage. Sure, it was tough. Try resolving a conflict over IM -- not the most practical way to do things! Difficult, yes; Impossible, no. We made a routine for visiting one another, continually reassured each other of our commitment, actually stayed committed (yes, it IS possible not to cheat, not everyone is so weak), sent each other lots of surprise care packages, and called each other about 10 times a day. Oh yea, and let me tell you -- there is nothing quite as satisfying as a 1000-mile booty call! Marriage is about agreeing to take the good and the bad -- distance can be a bad thing, but if you are both dedicated to making things work they will. You just have to evaluate your relationship and your level of trust in one another, set boundaries that you both agree upon, and realize that it will not be in the least bit easy. It's a serious decision and takes serious thought and planning. When we were finally in a position to be in the same place, it was another adjustment to handle that. But, we put our minds to it, and I think we are a much stronger couple for the trials we had to overcome together. Perhaps, in our case, distance was a positive thing ;-)

Answer 4

Why are you joining an organization you called "cheap bastards" ????? There are many other ways you can help people. Long distance relationships are pretty rough to maintain so you may want to rethink putting distance between you. At least take time to think it over thoroughly before you make a decision that would keep you apart for long periods of time. Find a way to "HELP PEOPLE" that the two of you can do together if you want to stay together.

Answer 5

Why get married at 19?

It doesn't sound like you two are in a financial situation that would support a marriage just yet. Give it some time and work towards some goals before jumping into this marriage.

Plus you make more mention of money than you do of your deep love for her...which doesn't bode well for your future.

Answer 6

That's not a reason to get married. I was with my EX husband for 4 yrs and we got married because we didn't see us breaking up anytime soon, and we were both 19. I know you love her and want to spend time with her, but marry her because you want to spend the rest of your life with her, not just to get through the "red tape". Until then maybe you can work out some sort of compromise with her to spend more time with you. Why can't she come see you or meet you in the middle somewhere??