I hate my husband. What can I do? We have 3 kids and haven't even slept in the same room for almost a year.

Question

We have absolutley nothing to talk about. There is no subject that can be brought up that doesn't start a fight, so much of the time we spend together is in silence. Divorce is out of the question. I can't afford to live on my own yet.

PS I have a job.I make pretty good money, just not enough to keep my house and pay my bills---not that he would ever leave.

Answer 1

legal seperation then. if your not happy you have to get out.

Answer 2

It depends how long you guys knew each other before you got married and whether or not each of you wants to make it work. My husband and I knew each other about 7 years before we got married and we couldn't stand each other for about the first five years. We are now the best of friends. I think it has allot to do with the fact that you guys have kids and he's having a hard time dealing with you being there for the kids and not him 24/7. Guys are silly little boys this way. They get jealous over the kids, your friends, etc. a sign of someone who is not broken or disturbed is how they react to this jealousy. He sounds like he's just sabotaging the marriage because he can't deal with the actual work that comes with it. If he is unwilling to concede and make the marriage work and be the guy you fell in love with then get rid if him and give your kids a fighting chance at forging a happy relationship themselves in the future rather than falling into the same rut as your miserable marriage. Maybe he's scared about your health problems and distancing himself in preparation for the worst....

Answer 3

You have three kids from him. Looks like things were good then. As you said much of the time spend together is in silence, it means he is not physically abusing you. If you hate some one, then you should know the reason for hate, try to work on those problems, hating is a very negative feeling, I am sure there are something good about your husband, Let your kids go to your family and take a mini vacation (weekend) may be you guys need some time alone.

Answer 4

Write down a few things you do like about your husband. Ask him to write down a few about you. The silence you are hearing is no communication, not hate. Whatever is making both of your so angry with each other exists because both of you have built walls so high no one can climb up them.
Maybe it is time to start seeing clear to a compromise
Do one thing nice, say one thing nice each day for a week.
Look at him and tell him it without anymore then the words
I promise you will see the man you married and not a stumbling block, a building block. Anyone you meet will have something you do not like, and then will start to hate, stop looking to get out and see how you can start coming in from the cold

Answer 5

No divorce is not out of the question..If you would like to try consuling it does take both parties to participate ... if he doesn't want to you can't make him.. you have come to a point where you aren't even sleeping in the same room..what message do you think you are sending to your children..you are doing more damage to you children then you know.. me and my ex spent the last two yrs of our marriage in different bedrooms..listen to me you are hurting your children and they are what;s most important..they feel the lack of love and see it all the time if you think you are miserble can you even imagine what they are feeling..they dont have the tools to understand what you can..so they are very confused and i bet you dont know the half of what they are feeling because they wont tell you they will continue to act out in other ways.My children are 25 and 26 now and they told me they wish we hadn't stay to togther ..that they would of a much rather have divorced than every one going threw what they did they had a very hard time dealing with it.... they knew we hated each other and blamed there selves..I could of saved my children alot of pain by doing what was best for them but it took them yrs to come to this point . All I showed them was it was ok to live this way and it's not they had some bad relationships because of my bad desitions..Dont make the same mistake.. I feel there lives could have been easier If i hadn't put them through all that. I hope I was of some help I've been there good luck to you and your children

Answer 6

Oh sweety, your not alone. A lot of men and women live in a unhappy marriage and feel they cannot get out due to money. Okay, staying in a unhappy marriage is not doing you, him or your kids any good, so if you leave he has to help financially support the children. This does not mean he has to pay for everything. You will need to get a job and daycare. Start working on yourself right now and figure out exactly what you want and how you want to live your life and then make up your mind to figure out a way to get it. Best of luck. Take good care of those kids.

Answer 7

Totally hear you, I've seen firsthand what this is like, almost scary how much this is like what my parents went through. Ok, you need to find counseling. Tell your husband this relationship means a lot to you, and ask him to come up with a list of 5 local marriage counselors that sound good to him, just out of the phone book or from friendly references, and promise him you'll do the same. Both of you compare your list and see if you have the same contact on your list. Call each person on your list, take a few notes, and ask a few questions of them to see if they are any good, and then compare notes with your husband. Prioritize your list, and if you guys can't agree on anyone in particular, find the one that is closest to the top on both your lists. This will only take about 1/2 hour, but it could help you start making a lot of progress.

On a side note, if you do get the ball rolling here, surprise your husband one day by baking up a bunch of some dessert he really likes, and get the kids to help you. Tell them you are making a surprise for daddy, and when you offer it to him, tell him it's a little celebration for taking a step in the right direction and a thank you for considering making some positive change.

Hope this helps, and just let me know if you want me to pray for you.

Answer 8

You should read this book "the proper care and feeding of husbands." Obviously you were in love with him once, you have three children. I know it sounds terrible right now but you should re-learn how to communicate with your spouse. Get the book... if you don't at least have a new perspective on a friendship with your husband in 3 days I will be shocked. No one says you must stay with him, but until you can afford to leave him, you should try to get along for your kids.

Answer 9

what do you mean you can't make it on your own if you divorce? you sure can cause there is child and spouse support and living this way is not good for the children when they get older the will think this is how a normal marriage is spoused to be is that what you really want

Answer 10

Well, since divorce it out of the question and you can't afford to move out you're just gonna have to stick it out until you save up your money. Tell him to help you out. If you taking your 3 kids with you he needs to cough up some dough so the burden won't be all on you.

Have ya'll tried EVERYTHING to make it work? Couseling, interventions, romantic evenings, etc. My fiance and I actually wrote a letter to one another once. It sounds stupid but it really helps get your thoughts organized and to see how he perceives certain situations. try it. If you stil want to go....leave! You gotta be happy.

Answer 11

The question really is "Can I afford to stay?"
You may need to live more frugally; you may need to depend on decent child support; but you can afford to get by without someone you can't stand. Your emotional wellbeing will certainly improve if you don't have to see this person every day.