Could you please read "Desolate Me...." and let me know what you think?

Question

{Thank you truly for reading, I've been trying so many different ways of writing but, still seem more comfortable in the dark *^_^*}

All the Best, Shad @)~>~


Desolate Me....



Desolate world,
it seems to me
An invisible barrier,
no one can see
Where wicked souls,
outside they’d be
From my desolate world
And desolate me

Desolate world,
running free
Taunt through the barriers
no one can see
Would fill spare time
sarcastically
In my desolate world
For my desolate me

Desolate world,
maybe others could be
With in the barrier that
no one can see
The others who were
forsaken like me
In my desolate world
A community...

Answer 1

It has given me much pleasure
to read your new poem,
and I see you put much work in
writing this out.

it describes the world of barriers
it doesn't matter if the barriers are visible or not
this is well written.

Answer 2

The few poems that I have written just appear from some- where in my mind. But,it just comes to my mind and it is just there. I do not consider myself to be a writer of anything,wish I did have the talent. My question is,when you write a poem,do the words just come to you and flow right out of the pen? I would love to know what motivates so many excellent poems from you? Desolate ,is again, I think amazing. How and when can you write with 5 kids?

Answer 3

To me your ideological concepts are great. And your audience's should show a huge differential. For there is nothing there that should offend anyone... But your ending seems like you did not complete all that you had to say..... So it is hard to feel complete after reading it... It is good to leave them wanting more.. But you also want the audience's to fill full up after absorbing what you filled up their plate with... please add feel free to join me in my community or something like that to make your poem complete... I do hope that I am making sense............
Lang (short for lanxter)

Answer 4

Very clean satisfying read.

Good ending. Loved the second strophe. I liked how your final two lines worked in each strophe.

Answer 5

unlike the word desolate? you are full of talent.
thats very nice

Answer 6

crisp, clean, well constructed. Change "with in" to "within", otherwise extremely well done and polished.

Answer 7

nice , i like it