How'd you like SHOPPIN' (AS TOLD BY A FIV3 Y3AR OLD)?

Question

{Trying something a bit different, let me know what you think kk? I really value opinions as it's very inspirational to me personally *^_^*}

All the Best, Shad @)~>~




SHOPPIN' (AS TOLD BY A FIV3 Y3AR OLD)









I W3NT 2 TH3 STOR3 2 DAY
2 SP3ND MY DOLLAR BILL
I HAD IT IN MY POCK3T
(I THOUGHT IT WAS TH3R3 STILL)
MOMMY WANT3D 2 HAV3 IT
SO IT WOULD NOT G3T LOST
I SAID “IT’S IN MY POCK3T
I WILL B3 CAR3FUL, HON3ST!”
BUT, WH3N MOMMY AND I GOT 2 THE COUNT3R
SO I COULD BY MY GUM
I R3ACH3D INTO MY POCK3T
4 MY DOLLAR AND FOUND NON3!
MY 3ARS W3R3 G3TTING SO HOT
MY FAC3 WAS TURNING R3D!
I WAS SCRAMBLING 4 MY DOLLAR
BUT, GOT POCK3T LINT INST3AD!
P3OPL3 W3R3 IN LIN3 NOW
I FROZ3, I GOT SO SCAR3D!
TILL I F3LT MOMMY TAP M3 AND SAY,
“I HAV3 YOUR DOLLAR H3R3”
WH3W, I AM SO LUCKY
2 HAV3 A MOMMY LIK3 H3R
IF SH3 HAD’NT FOUND MY DOLLAR
I WOULD’V3 CRI3D, I WAS SO HURT.
SO N3XT TIM3 W3 GO SHOPPIN’
MOMMY CAN HOLD MY MON3Y
CAUS3 2 A FIV3 Y3AR OLD, MISSIN’ A DOLLAR
IS’NT V3RY FUNNY!

Answer 1

I liked it a lot Shad. It felt like reading a foreign language yet understanding it. I thought it was a really nice experimental poem. I like how you always seem to push the boundaries. You are very creative...never boring to read.

Answer 2

I think it's cute but has limitations. I.E., it is almost along the lines of a modern day Ogden Nash, more a lyricist in text than actual poetry. It lacks the imagery I normally associate with poetry.

This may be your preferred style,and I think I can understand why, but since you are so clever, it would be so interesting to see how you would respond to the challenge of real words in the traditional sense.

Answer 3

i thought it was a cute poem. I liked how it was told in the eyes of a little kid, i think it was creative.
Seriously, though....dont ever use 3's as e's or any kind of chat speak in a poem that you want opinions of.
Its kind of annoying and its eaiser to read without it.
Otherwise i liked it alot.

Answer 4

I like it very much without the text-message language.

Answer 5

I think this one is cute,
3s replacing the e's
As I read this poem
I laughed again its cute.

Answer 6

its really really nice

Answer 7

I have been there and done that with nephews and nieces..................................................