Let's hear your thoughts on *~*S*N*O*W*S*L*E*D*~* please?

Question

{I really appreciate all your feedback, thank you so much in advance *^_^*}



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~*S*N*O*W*S*L*E*D*~
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*I *remember *my *old *snow sled*
*I *got *it *at *age *five*
*It's *first *use *was *in *a *blizzard*
*then *I *was *hospitalized*
*My *little *dog *named *Skippy*
*was *taken *to *the *vet*
*cause *my *sled *and *I *ran *over*
*my *best'est *family *pet*
*Well *after *hitting *Skippy*
*that *sled *and *I *slid *on*
*and *crashed *into *a *dumpster*
*who's *trash *was *not *yet *gone*
*We *were *taken *to *the *dump*
*and *left *behind *in *trash*
*I *crawled *out *and *grabbed *my *sled*
*but *it *was *bruised *and *bashed*
*So *I *left *it *at *the *dump site*
*and *made *my *way *back *home*
*but, *I *never *did *make *it
*Paramedics *found *me *froze*
*Well, *Skippy *and *I *later*got *back *home *
*tucked *tightly *in *warm *beds*
*And *the *snow *outside *got *heavy *again*
*I *don't *miss *that *old *snow sled*

Answer 1

Entwesting...

Use of snowflake once again innovative and creative.
Simple and descriptive as to remind one of childhood.

You sure have lots of memories, eh?


thumbed uppendance

Answer 2

great memories , good poem I see it illustrated . A book or an animation.for children sleds and dogs and hills and snow suits and snow flakes , Dumpsters and dump sites and ambulances and medics, PJ's and hot chocolate and , and and.
do it! It 's wonderful!
Have it come out for Christmas.

Answer 3

Shad, that was really innovative and fun. I loved the following lines:

My *little *dog *named *Skippy*
*was *taken *to *the *vet*
*cause *my *sled *and *I *ran *over*
*my *best'est *family *pet*

Really funny. best'est was a great choice.

Answer 4

Very clever, good use of imagry with the "*" snow, good choice of rhyme style, it matches the subject and context of age.

comments:

"It's" should be "Its"
"Who's" should be "Whose"

try, "left behind with trash" instead of "in"
and, "but I never made it" instead of "never did make it", and "tucked tightly in a nice warm bed" instead of "tucked tightly in warm beds" (the beats are more consistant with the final line and it doesn't change the meaning).

Again, nice job!

Answer 5

I remember snow sleds
they would get played with in snow
that was many years ago
as far as I know
I no longer have this
playing in the snow
going down hills
then getting covered with snow

Answer 6

I like it. It's a catchy poem/story. I think I would like it better if you said "I sure do miss that old snow sled."

Answer 7

A lot of rhymeing keep it up its cute and funny good entertainment keep on writting!!!!!

Answer 8

thats funny.
wish theres snow here in our country

Answer 9

That's great, its funny and cute. I think that its Awesome!

Answer 10

That was very enjoyable. Thank you!!