to partying every week. He is a wonderful father and great provider. We have a great home financially are doing ok! For some reason he feels the need to go out with his buddies about 2-3 times a week to have a few beers he comes home about 10-11 o'clock. I have tried for years not say anything about it so we wouldnt fight but now it seems like this is all we do only because i'm calling his cell like crazy to get his butt home. I have even threatened to imbarrass him in front of his friends. Every Saturday he apologizes and says he wont go out anymore but then in the same week here comes Wed. and out he goes. I"M madly in love with my husband but dont think hes in love with me anymore when i confront him he says I'm crazy hes in love and the sex well thats about once or twice a month he says I'm to blame for that because I rejected him so often he got used to doing without it. Is my marriage over? He also told me as soon as he walks in the door i start complaining about everything.
2007-07-09 15:14:50 · 14 answers · asked by mmedina96 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, i don't think it's over. You shouldn't have let him go out to begin with. You been trying not to say something for years? How about giving him a big fat NO the first time he attempted to go out? Well, that was years ago. There's this saying, "a man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you". I think you two need to be more dedicated to each other & your family, he also needs to dedicate his time more to you, not his friends. A married man should be home with his wife & kids, not his friends, otherwise he has no business being married to you. He's living a life of a single man here. You need to start saying NO more often, as far as the complaints, well.....what girl does not complain? seriously....??? LOL. we all do that, but tell him maybe if he changes his way, the complaining might go away. Try talking to each other rather than bitching at each other. It's true, he's wrong for what he's doing, the going out & drinking, going out with friends, tell him that married men don't do that. If he's gonna go out drinking, then you should be there with him. You have the right to be mad about this. Don't let him do this to you anymore. The more you say yes, or the more you keep quiet about things, the worse it will get. If you don't like something then SPEAK UP. A closed mouth don't get fed.
2007-07-09 16:21:51 · answer #1 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have put up with his acting this way for a long time, he doensn't see why he has to change now...You have accepted his comings and goings and you say you love him and he's a good dad & provider.
I think you should consider going to therapy- alone. If money is not an issue, you should invest some time and money with a professional counselor, someone who is trained to listen and to help you out by making you think and verbalize things you have inside. (Once you know yourself better, you will be better equipped to make changes you consider are necessary.)
Every marriage is different, and what works in one doesn't work in another. You have to evaluate the pros and cons in your marriage and see how the balance stands. If one side far outweighs the other one, then you'll have to make decisions.....Change hurts but sometimes it's necessary.
Good luck.
2007-07-09 22:29:40 · answer #2 · answered by Nena S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think what you need to do is to really sit and talk with him, ask him to tell you how he feels towrds your marriage, and what are the real reason for him saying smthg and doing smthg else. Tell him you want it to be frank, and tell him you love him and you need to know what he is thinking as you feel that this marriage is possibly falling apart.
Men are insatiable when it comes to sex. Try not to reject him so often, increase it a little, try to make luv to him at least once a week n see if it helps. Sometimes surprise him by taking the initiative to arouse him. Or if you really insist that you can only do it once/twice a mth, buy smthg kinky, or sexy, to spice things up so that he would at least have smthg to look forward to each mth.
Good Luck
2007-07-09 22:57:18 · answer #3 · answered by Kizheart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband has another life going on--he has a partying/drinking problem and you do not trust him--this causes you to fight and then that drives him further away. Having sex 1 or 2 a month is not good--dont believe him when he says he can do without it. You need to try to save your marriage before its too late, both of you need to admit that you need to fix this, if you really want your marriage, and start working on it.
2007-07-09 22:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by skyward 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's full of B.S., he's a liar, and a poor husband. You've contributed to poor behavior by making two mistakes: 1) by allowing his beer outings to go on for years out of fear of fighting and 2) by allowing him to be an adulterer and still keep you. Basically, you've taught him that you are more than willing to settle for whatever B.S. treatment he gives you. He's probably doing every whore in town. The only way you can stop this crap is by cracking down and hard. Tell him directly that if he goes out, you are gone.
2007-07-10 01:08:59 · answer #5 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he doesn't seem to care about what you think because he is doing it anyway. That is not good. Ask him if you can go out with him see what he says maybe he is not where he says he is. But don't try to check up on him men hate that. Maybe he really just needs some space.
2007-07-09 22:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by jusayg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he take responsibility for anything he does? Either he is immature or has an alcohol problem. Stop calling, stop complaining and get yourself a therapist. You cant deal rationally with an irrational person ( which clearly he is ). good-luck.
2007-07-10 03:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask him what he is prepared to do to save your marriage - if he says and/or does nothing then there may not be much hope. Complaining and following up on him will just cause him to continue doing what he's doing.
2007-07-09 22:21:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't really say anything towards this.
But, you should probably read this book, it really helped my parents alot.
"Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus" by Dr. John Gray (I think that's the author, anyway. Something like that.)
2007-07-09 22:19:01 · answer #9 · answered by Verity Black 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to get therapy for yourself. You seem to be obsessing with him. If he's going out and doing whatever he wants to, then you should be doing things you like to do as well.
2007-07-10 00:52:43 · answer #10 · answered by Lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋