We have gone through a very acrimonious split, and are currently divorcing. Unfortunately he now has terminal cancer. I am sad, I just dont want to go to his funeral because I hate his family for what they have done to me and our children. If he dies before the divorce is finalised, is he still my legal responsibility? Because if I take control of the funeral arrangements, it will be family only to protect my childrens feelings, knowing his family it will become a three ringed circus. We were married for 25 years.
2007-07-09 14:06:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
SmartyPants, thanks for your input, but you have totally missed the point. i am not evil, nor mean spirited. I stayed with my husband for 25 years. he left me and our two daughters homeless and penniless in a foreign country, to pursue other relationships. He was a violent and vicious man who treated us all badly. it's just that his family think he's a demi-god, we know different. I am not keeping our children away from the funeral, they are old enough to make their own decisions, I just don't want to be at their mercy, as I have no family to back me up, and his family tend to bully people, especially quiet people.
2007-07-09 14:39:38 · update #1
Ah yes, don't you just love judgemental people? But that's what you get here, the food with the bad. As far as the legal and financial responsibility goes, I'd ask your attorney. I'd say stay away from the funeral, you dont need the extra aggravation of dealing with his family. Your kids don't need to be exposed to it either. I'd find someone else to make the arrangements if you have to do it. Leave them to his family, foot the bill if you have to. Finally, don't rely on the cancer being "terminal". Many times people beat the odds and live much longer than expected. Some go mre quickly. My sympathies on both fronts, that makes a tough situation even more difficult.
2007-07-10 03:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he dies before the divorce is final (which I am by no means hoping for) then you and the children are his heir. And yes, you would still be responsible for his medical decisions and funeral arrangements. Financially, you may come out better if you're his widow and not his ex.
If it is at all possible, talk to your husband about what his wishes are. It may be that he has concerns about you handling the funeral and will hasten the divorce. Or it may be that in all practicality and given the grim nature of his prognosis he will have softened and you two will be able to have an adult conversation about you and the children's future when he dies.
Having come through a very difficult divorce, I realize it may be difficult to muster up some empathy here. However, you must think of your children. And you don't want to be remembered as being cruel and heartless. You will not regret doing the right thing.
2007-07-09 21:18:32 · answer #2 · answered by Jdub 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you signed any papers and have the two of you been to a lawyer. If you have been through all that and all your waiting for is the papers to come then you are divorce and not responsible for the funeral arrangements If i were you i would go to his funeral only to show his family you are a better person then his family. Another thing you were married to him for a very long time and you two had kids together so for that reason and for your kids sake and your own peace of mind you really should go.
2007-07-09 21:24:05 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would actually suggest putting the breaks on the whole divorce. For benefits reasons, it is better for you and the kids if you two stay married. You don't have to live together, just be legally married. You would be the #1 for the legalities, including funeral arrangements. I would hope for the sake of the kids there would be no fighting at their father's funeral, but if you are that sure then do as you think you should and not invite them. I am so sorry for you and your kids.
2007-07-09 21:11:57 · answer #4 · answered by msims52 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to go. Listen, there are other people to consider, namely your children. If he dies before the divorce is final, then you will have control of the estate, just give the arrangements over to the funeral home and let them take care of everything. You could even have seperate services. Have one for you and your children and have one that is open to the public.
2007-07-09 21:16:32 · answer #5 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can handle this ahead of time. Tell your future Ex to name someone other than you to handle his arrangements for the funeral. His part of the estate (you splitting it with him after he's gone) will take care of the expenses and the person he names as beneficiary will handle his half. There are soooo many ways not to have to go through this. Talk to him and plan this ahead of time. No, you do not have to be there. .....hmmmm on the other hand, how much life insurance does he have?
2007-07-09 21:15:15 · answer #6 · answered by pawpawpatch4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. If you do not go to his funeral, you may regret it. It is ok to have these feelings, but, he is the father of your children, and out of respect to your children, i think you should go. Imagine if you don't go? You will never be able to take that back if you wish too. You may feel better saying your own private good bye, afterall you were married 25 years.
2007-07-09 21:26:17 · answer #7 · answered by puravida_3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would cut his family out of HIS funeral? What are you...nuts?!? The day is not for only you and your kids to grieve...he has others who care for him too! You pray every day that he makes it through this divorce (nice on the timing by the way) and if he does not...you deal with it. HAve the funeral and allow any who want to come to be there! You have to be an adult sometimes...no matter how childish you feel.
2007-07-09 21:17:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
For the funneral, it is very much up to you, but be prepare for the critics that follow.
Nevertheless, while he is still alive at deathbed, I will feel that you should at least see him for the last time with the kids, afterall, you have spent some wonderful time with him in his life, and for the kids, he is the biological father. Sad that he has come to such ending, but life need forgiving and giving.
Forgive other as you forgive upon yourself. Till death do us part is very much truth, not for the sake of his lousy family but for the sake of once upon a time, we were husband and wife.
Behold, i prayed, Amen
2007-07-09 21:36:38 · answer #9 · answered by butterfly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then don't go, ask a friend to take your kids to the funeral instead. Since you don't like his family I would be afraid that someone would say something nasty to you at the funeral. Comments like "she got a nerve turning up etc" So don't go.
2007-07-09 21:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋