My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We've had some great times and some really sucky times. The entire relationship can be described as a roller coaster ride. I think I'm ready to get off of the ride. We seem to have no conversation, no physical intimacy or do any fun activities together anymore. At one time we had all of these things, until his porn and cybersex addiction became such a problem. He says he will never do it again, and I want to believe him, but I just have no more trust in him. He has said, "I will not do this anymore," several times. I've always given him another chance, once again to discover he had not given up his addiction. I cannot get past this. I really don't know if I even want to try to anymore. I just want to be happy, and I keep having this reoccuring feeling that I need to move on with the rest of my life without him. I feel like I'm stuck between the past and the future, but am unable to live happily in the present. What should I do?
2007-07-09 13:12:31 · 14 answers · asked by rachel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you give up now, you will get nowhere. You have had 12 years together -- don't just drop it. Work on it. Give it all you have got and THEN and only then if things still don't work can you even begin to think about ending the relationship. You promised "For better or worse until death do us part" -- well addiction is the worst.
Try counselling. Try talking to a minister. Take some time for yourself and work on healing the you that he hurt.
2007-07-09 13:24:34 · answer #1 · answered by mj69catz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you choose to stay or leave is, of course your decision, but just how much cybersex and porn are you talking about" If it is a few times a month, that's not much... If it is every waking hour he is not working, that is something else.... That is a sex/porn addiction, and let me share with you that addicts are not available ---- they are already in a relationship, it just ins't with you, and it never will be, nor for long with another woman should the two of you split. Ask any counselor.... less than 20 % are ever cured of an addiction... alcohol, drugs, sex addiction, porn, gambling you name it. Call AA and ask them what their cure rate for two years is?? It is not very high.... If your marriage just needs a spark, lots of things around, sex counseling for one... If the guy is hooked on porn, good luck, hon
2007-07-09 20:34:43 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have already decided. But here's the real question: What do you want out of life and is your current circumstance letting you achieve that? If the answer is a partner who you can have conversation with, physical intimacy and fun with then you need to move on. It sounds like you have put the ball in his court and though he may want change, he hasn't. You have done a lot of soul searching, talking and trying. Now go live you life your way, you only get one. God speed.
2007-07-09 20:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by Karmakitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's an addiction. Don't give up on your marriage b/c he's addicted to something. My question is is the lack of physical intimacy b/c of the porn (meaning are you withholding b/c of it or he's no longer in the mood b/c of it)? It sounds as if you need counseling. An addiction such as porn is one that needs counseling, patience and support. He's already admitted that he needs help, so what are you going to do to help him?
2007-07-09 21:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by King H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be time to go, but this could just be a phase. Try counseling first. If he balks, then leave. If you aren't comfortable with it, then try to incorporate the porn into your sex lives. I mean, I have to believe that he'd rather be intimate with you than with the porn. Ask him if something is missing in your sex life. If so, try to see if it's something you feel comfortable with doing. You should be the one having cybersex with him. He should be looking at pictures of you! Maybe if he focuses his sexual attention onto you, the rest of it will come back.
But if that's not your thing. It's not and maybe it's over. But I'd first go to a counselor.
2007-07-09 20:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by Blade_III 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've already answered your own question.
You don't want to 'try' to 'save' your marriage anymore. Well first-off it isn't a marriage anymore. Marriage implies partnership. He left you when he went for the porn instead of nurturing the love he should've had for you.
So do yourself a wonderful favor by moving on with your life. Do it with confidence too. No matter what went on in your marriage, there is never an excuse for dishonesty or for risking someone's health and life (HIV/AIDS).
2007-07-09 20:27:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can help make or break your relationship. Love is an action and to get the love back, you can start with..you. Start showing him love, do things he likes, go out...bring back the love you once had. Try this before you let go...It's not so great being alone.
2007-07-09 20:17:39 · answer #7 · answered by mizzgrizz01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try temporarily moving out see if space helps. Do you have children? Try marriage counseling.
Good luck
2007-07-09 20:16:54 · answer #8 · answered by ofsoundmind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wondering about the situation you have gotten yourself into....Stop... and walk away. Hell, if you have nothing in comman, have nothing to do with each other, No SEX.... Then leave.
This relationship can't be saved....It's to late, your to far gone. Get out and move on.
2007-07-09 20:21:16 · answer #9 · answered by Petunia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to save it, he has to as well. And I would suggest the best way to do that is to get into marital therapy ASAP....
Best to you, hon.
2007-07-09 20:17:14 · answer #10 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋