need some advice please?

Question

My husband cheated on me with a young girl and got her pregnant .I left him and moved about 15 hours away he has sinced moved down here to try to work things out for are children .At first i thought we may be able to work out but now it seems i am unsure but here is the even more complicated part i had started seeing this guy before my husband came down here and i really like this guy but i know it is more of just something to do because i know he is in the military and will be leaving next year so do you think i should leave this guy alone or should i leave my husband alone or should i leave them both alone?

Answer 1

You are no better then him, just because he cheated on you doesnt give you the right to cheat on him, now you are in a deeper hole, you both need counseling.

Answer 2

You moved 15 hours away from your hubby. Hopefully he is aware that is a huge long shot for getting back together. there are unsaid factors to consider, how long you've been married, how long you've been seperated, your age, lifestyles and your childerns perception and well being. As far as going back to him, by you going back to him and forgiving him for cheating in the first place, you're basically giving him permission to do it again. (once a cheater, always a cheater).
Without know some of the details, I'd say continue seeing the new guy, but be aware and tell him he is probably a stepping stone. Chances are he won't be too upset since he knows he is leaving soon. Make sure you take the time to find who you are, what you want and the best way for you to get it. No matter what you do, keep your kids as the center of your attention. They are the ones that will ALWAYS be the ones you love the most.

I could write you a couple of pages on this subject, but.......
The fact that he got the other girl pregnant is a whole other topic! (what a pig!)

Answer 3

I say leave them both alone. The husband has betrayed your trust and you have to determine if you will ever be able to trust him again. If u have agreed to try to work things out, then the feelings for the military man are very weak.
The military man helped u through a very difficult time and you can be grateful to him for that. Its hard to go through what u did and keep your sanity.
You sound like you are a bit confused at this point. You know you dont care deeply for the military man, and after trying to rekindle the flame with hubby, thats not working for you either.
Take some time for yourself. Busy yourself with a new hobby, or try some new things. Take this time to reach inside yourself and get a good idea of who you really are. Far too often, us women become a wife and mother, and then just start flowing in that cycle. We forget who we were before we became a wife and mother. We consume ourselves with taking care of the household, hubby and the kids. We forget what makes us truly glow. Take this time to find that glow and then when u are whole again, allow someone else to share your world with u. You will get lonely, but self reflection can teach u alot when u take the time to do it. When u are comfortable with who u r, you will not feel an emptiness and need to fill a void with "Mr. Right Now". You will want to find "Mr. Right" and you wont settle for anything less. Its a wonderful thing. :)
Good luck to u hun.

Answer 4

The long term side of me says that you should leave them both alone. As has been said here before, YOU won't be able to do any real healing/growth until you are able to just focus on you. IMHO, the new guy is just a rebound. A feel good cuz you were hurt and he paid some attention to you. As real as it may feel right now, experience shows that most relationships of that beginning don't last. So, the practical side of me says to play with them both. Have as much fun as you can while you can. Good luck.

Answer 5

I would definately leave your husband alone. If he could have an affair with a young girl, get her pregnant, and move 15 hours away back to you, he obviously only cares about number 1 - himself. He has not thought about his children with you, and he obviously isn't thinking about the child with the other girl. He's looking what's best for him. If you are not into the military guy, then don't be with him - it wastes both your time and you could be looking for someone who is more suitable. Don't settle for just anyone.

Answer 6

Leave them both alone for now. Your husband cheated and now there will always be a constant reminder of his cheating. The child! The new guy is just someone you hooked up with on a rebound. Do yourself a favor and take of yourself first.

Answer 7

I think your marriage and your kids should be more important to you than any other thing. If you want to give your marriage a second chance, you need to lose your boyfriend, but if you strongly, and I mean strongly believe that you are not going to have any thing to do with your husband ever again, you need to drop both of them and look for someone who would always be there for you and your kids.

Answer 8

I'd say leave them both alone and work on yourself for awhile. And I'd tell your husband to stay away except for when he sees the kids.

Answer 9

I think you should leave your husband alone deviorce and stay whith the military guy but just know he could be hert or worce but if you love the new guy then you should stay with him no matter what happens olny if you love him good luck I hop you find your way

Answer 10

Tuff call. Continue to see both of them and let THEM prove to you THEY are worthy of your attention. Let them wine and dine you and fight over your time......I don't mean fist fight...just let them each know they have some competition! And, shame on your husband.....I know we all make mistakes but you need time to heal and live YOUR life....don't make any rash decisions...have some FUN!!!!!!!