I emailed my husband pretending to be another woman, Opinions?

Question

ok shame on me but I went ahead and emailed my husband pretending to be some other woman. I made it a short flirty email on purpose hoping he would ignore it since it was obviously sexy and not just some innocent hi hello how r u? But, he did actually reply. We've been together for 7 years, married for 3 and have a beautiful baby girl. He always claims he is good to me, would never do anything behind my back and would never cheat. So I was pretty hurt that he is actually so easily tempted. I don't really know what to think to be honest. He will be going away soon for bootcamp and training for the us coast guard. I was in the Air Force so I know exactly the kinds of things that go on. I don't really think I can trust him. I don't think he would go out looking for trouble but if it came to him.... is every man a cheater? does every man flirt to other women? I mean this is my husband you know? I never thought he would be talking to other women in a sexy way. is any man different?

Answer 1

you know, it may be that he senses a familiarity with the email. what i mean is, no matter who you pretend to be, you write with a certain feel, almost like a fingerprint, and since you've been together for so long, he may be inadvertently drawn to that feeling. after all, you trapped him. he is not a cheater. you turned him into what you think is a cheater. if i were you, i would ignore the response, and leave the whole thing alone before you make this any worse than it is. if you admit it was you, he'll be hurt for you thinking he was cheating, and as you've already said, you were hurt by his response. you've already created a problem where there wasn't one. just leave this one alone and let it die before it becomes more serious.

Answer 2

I get all the question that you have and why it bothers you, but let me give you a little advice here, you don't have to accept it,but hope you will think about it. My husband was and now retired from the navy, I was in the navy to for just 2 years and change my career path.
Now my advice, your husband is playing with you, why because before my marriage fell apart, my husband send me some explicit email not from the ship but from a library so I will think that it's from an admirer, but because I know better, I investigate where the email came from and how this man got my email address. And what do you know from the library and yes from my husband checking up on me, its very easy to find where the email came from and how this person got your email address. So just think about this, I think your hubby knows who that woman is that is why he respond to that email. Don't you think your husband is just smiling at you because he got you back and you thought of someone else??Go talk to him and tell him what you did before he goes to boot camp,..........kiss and make up is a lot better than having this suspicious that you have,give your hubby a break OK!!
And to answer your question, not all married man will and can cheat..........

Answer 3

I take it your husband is not responsible for his actions? He feels the heat and cuts things off but prior to that he was in contact with her to the tune of 900 texts a week. This is your husband's doing. He is culpable. If the situation was reversed, would he be at ease with you contacting your ex 900 times a week? I think not. He has history with this woman. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Whether or not this woman is trying to sabotage your marriage is irrelevant. Your husband continues to have an inappropriate relationship with her. He's having an affair; either an emotional one or a physical one. most likely both. You need to come to terms with reality.

Answer 4

It's amazing that people have such mixed opinions about relationships and your actions.
Remember - they are just opinions - some of them made me feel apalled and some made me feel condemned just reading the responses.
All people want an honest faithful relationship and to know that it could be different is a heart stopper.
I do know that men like that 'moral booster' when it comes to being flirted with or knowing that someone other than his mate is showing interest in him.
I stumbled upon my bf's profile on several dating sites by accident when a gf was showing me some guys she winked at - what a slap in the face.
I reacted - hurt, anger, rage, humiliation.....the works....before I confronted him about it.
Before I did, I gave him a relationship that no man would want to stray from....passionate kisses that started in the kitchen and then led to awesome love making, I complimented things about him that he didn't think I noticed or cared about, I whispered in his ear "wow" after we made love......I'm not sure if I was grabbing on to what I didn't want to be replaced with or if it was something we both needed to flourish and express in our relationship but didn't.
Either way, he clung to me and wanted more of what I was giving him.
When I did confront him, I saw the shame of embarrassing and hurting me come out on his face. He admitted to me that he liked the attention he was getting with the girls that responded to him....but also teared up and told me that what we had was more than he's had in a woman but always wanted.
We were able to talk deeply like never before and our relationship improved immensely.
I believe you need to tell him that you did send him an email and why - then tell him how it made you feel and don't hide your true feelings of how you love him deeply and would be devastated thinking there was even a chance that someone else could put a spark in him when that is something you would want to do for him if he ever felt the extra need because if anyone should do that, it should be his mate.
It's time for a little heart to heart - but don't react harshly, it makes for a threatening experience for both of you and defenses come up.
You were just being flirtatious without giving yourself away. He liked it. Keep his moral up and ask for the same in return - it should be between the 2 of you and only the 2 of you.

Answer 5

You messed up. You have to have faith in the person you are with or your relationship will suffer. From what you are saying, your husband was good to you and he has never cheated or done anything behind your back. Why would you go behind his back and play games with him just to see if he would cheat or talk to someone else? You are making the relationship harder for yourself. If he was actually doing something and never told you, than shame on him. Until you actually had some proof, other than what you did, you had no reason to believe he was doing anything. What a shame...you set up your own man for failure. This is why relationships don't last. No trust and no faith. Do you do this to every man you are with?

Answer 6

Were you looking for a way out? So much for trust from you. This is not like he did anything wrong. You wrote a email of a woman and the woman was you. You make sound that this woman is real, and bad thing about is this, he don"t know who she is or he knows that it is you. What you did was wrong because you cross the line of trust. What if he did this to you.

Answer 7

Don't worry - I did the SAME thing to my ex-husband. I found his profile on a few dating sites while I was pregnant. I am so glad I decided to get away from him. I don't know about all men being pigs, but I don't think you deserve to be betrayed by someone who says they will forsake all other women.

You must have had a reason to doubt him in the first place if you decided to do that. You need to go with your gut feeling on this one. You will be miserable worrying about him cheating on you all of the time if you don't.

Answer 8

We trust other people because we chose to. There is no gurantee that anyone is trustworthy and that includes you.

You are so convinced that he will stray while away from you. How does he know you will not stray while away from him? You already proved how devious you can be. So can he. So can anyone. Drive yourself nuts if you wish but what you did should never be done.

I trust until there is no longer a reason to trust. Unless he actually does something and unless you actually do something you both deserve the same level of trust. If either of you cheats, then you don't.

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Answer 9

Is there any chance he knew it was you? If he really thought it was a another woman, I'm sorry. What made you think it was okay to e-mail and act like another woman. Do you not trust him? Not all men cheat, but I think alot do and they flirt too. I to know what it is like in the military. I was in the Army for 4 years, people get pretty wild, especially when they are overseas.

Answer 10

First of all that it is an underhanded, manipulative thing to do. Second of all, most people, male or female would probably feel flattered and intrigued to get a flirty email. You really have no right to feel hurt, if you had serious concerns you need to talk openly with your husband and not try to entrap him. I would also suggest you think about the maturity of your actions, it's something more like a jr. high girl would do.