No confluence to the last one. But hey, I'm no expert. I just make these up on the spot, no drafts.
My eyes are worn with the tears of strangers
I look out upon my world with despiration
We are blind to the problems of the past
On this ride of life, locked in repetition
The world is in turmoil
And for what?
They say peace
Forget that
The blood of young men cannot cure us
Give youth the reins
We have a mind and you will see
A world of "freedom" and "liberty"
oops, my rhyming is off... oh well.
2007-07-09 11:26:57 · 9 answers · asked by rawrrr! 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Bravo! Good vibes and structure.............!
2007-07-09 11:55:04 · answer #1 · answered by Knarf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would re-organize this poem this way:
the blood of young men cannot cure us
the world is in turmoil
Give youth the reins
we have a mind
and you will see
a world of freedom and liberty.
It's a start....and then go from there. Good start!
2007-07-09 19:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anna Lynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are an inspiring youth. Send Donald Trump a copy and wait to hear back. If not, you at least still have talent.
Good luck.
2007-07-09 18:30:12 · answer #3 · answered by littleblanket 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not bad, although politically, we don't agree. But that matters not. Your poetry is good, but needs a little polishing around the edges. Touch it up a little.
2007-07-09 19:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Emily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NICE.
John 17:3
2007-07-09 18:32:39 · answer #5 · answered by itsmissjackson 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nice but heres a tip never ever put something you write online someone can steal it and get it published and there would be nothing you could do.
2007-07-09 18:29:57 · answer #6 · answered by bookthief17 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Why do you look upon your world with desperation?
2007-07-09 18:38:43 · answer #7 · answered by elgil 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good job!
2007-07-09 18:42:27 · answer #8 · answered by Wandering Mind 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, it's pretty tasty if you ask me...
2007-07-09 18:30:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jesus is Real 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋