he cheated last year and we got married in february, i havent been able to forgive him and it's been many times where i feel like leaving him and going back to my parents, but when i tell him this he starts crying begging me that he is a changed man and that he is never going to cheat on me again. I loved him before he did that, but after that things have been different and i feel like i don't love him anymore, i want to try to love him again and i know i can do it but im afraid he will do it again. Everytime i tell him im going to leave he says he will go and get drunk and i know that he gets extremely depressed to the point where im afraid that he might commit suicide.
I don't know what to do sometimes i think im just with him because i worry too much for him, but what about me??? who worries about my feelings?? what should i do?
should i try to work it out or just leave, deaf and blind not caring what he does after.
ps im 3 months pregnant.
2007-07-09 10:55:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Seek a professional counselor certified in couples/marriage counseling. There are many issues here.
A year is not long enough to be recovered from the emotional trauma of infidelity. If you didn't look for help then and if you and your H have many unresolved issues, then you still need help in dealing with this. Stop threatening him that you are going to leave, at least until you are ready to do so. Instead, demand from him what you really need to heal and rebuild your marriage, or at least try.
Does he also have problems with addictions, alcohol abuse?
It sounds like his behavior is manipulative. You threaten to leave, he throws out the guilt trip. He may need help for his depression also, professional help. It maybe part of why he cheated also, to boost his poor self esteem.
It may not work, but it's worth a try. You are pregnant now and your family deserves healthy parents. You will be dealing with this man for many years to come as you now share a child. Counseling may help you regardless of whether or not your marriage survives this.
If you cannot afford counseling, then maybe something like a Retrouville weekend with the follow up sessions. They work with you on cost. You do not have to be a member of any church. I know some couples who have benefited from this.
2007-07-09 13:33:30 · answer #1 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I'm not clear on something. Did he cheat on you before or after you got married? Some people do cheat and never cheat again, you have to learn to trust your husband again, because if you continue to doubt him then he will almost for sure will cheat on you because you are almost all but shoving him towards another woman because you are not meeting his needs as his wife.
If you are having trouble learning to trust him again and getting passed this, then maybe the two of you should see a marriage counselor, because you should want to be with him because you love him and because you want to see your marriage work, not because he might become depressed or do something worse. You have to be in it for all the right reasons. Otherwise you are making the situation worse for the both of you.
But I would honestly, seek help. A book that might be a good idea for both you and your husband to read, that is very good is called: Reinventing Your Life: How to break free from negative life patterns and Feel good again by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko.
2007-07-09 11:12:08 · answer #2 · answered by Linds 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get into counseling, if he goes and continues going then I would say he is trying to save your marriage. At the first sign that he won't do that, then when he is at work I would just go home and stay with my parents, and see what happens.
You cannot stay with someone who is like this, makes idle threats if he doesn't get his way. You will soon have a child and it must be a safe and sane environment for you both.
Good luck!
2007-07-09 11:25:08 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ ♥Be Happi♥ ♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling to deal with the cheating. It's possible to get the marriage back on track, but you will both have to work hard at it. You owe your child at least that. Give the counseling a try -- if you can't work it out after that, then move on, but try first.
Good luck.
2007-07-09 11:00:31 · answer #4 · answered by leysarob 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He cheated and you married him anyway? You have answered your own question. You are a glutton for punishment and the grand martyred one.
When you point an unloaded gun at someone it is an insincere gesture. When you point your I will leave threat it is also insincere and rotten.
You both need to go to marriage counseling and find if you can get over it or if you need to leave!
"The sky is falling, the sky is falling! and the boy who cried wolf are stories you need to read. If you were my friend and you were constantly threatening me with something you know would hurt me I would have two choices...duct tape your mouth and/or beat you to the door...never to be seen again.
2007-07-09 11:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You both have problems. You need to forgive him and he needs to quit blackmailing you with his emotions and threats. If he cheated before you were married, you should forgive and move on. But he has to grow up. If the marriage is to work, then you both need to be friends and partners. You should check into marriage counseling and work on this together. Or you're doomed. And for gosh sakes, get it resolved before the baby comes.
2007-07-09 10:59:41 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, if you ask me i would suggest going through marriage counseling, start with that, learn how to communicate without an arguement, learn how to trust, learn how to see the warning signs before they actually happen, you need to listen to his feelings and when he is through he needs to listen to your feelings,if you are going to get through this then you will have to go to see a therapist. as far as being pregnant goes, dont stay just for the baby, when you stay in a marrage just for children its 10 times harder on the kid then a divorce is. but like i said, if you both want to make this work, and i mean you have to really want it then you will have to see a therapist and you both have to give 100% effort 100%of the time or its not going to work, good luck and i hope that i have helped
2007-07-09 11:07:54 · answer #7 · answered by polorbear2003 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. Please get counseling. I was cheated on but he left me. I would have done anything to save my marriage given the chance. If your counselor believes that you'd be better off apart, so be it. You've experienced the worst betrayal possible and this will be very difficult for you. Good luck to you.
2007-07-09 11:37:34 · answer #8 · answered by wc2ketey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you married a cheater? Hmmmmm...now you are questioning if you did the right thing. It appears that he is holding you emotionally hostage. If someone truly loves another they would not try to guilt them into staying with them. You would do wise to get out of the marriage YESTERDAY. You would be doing yourself and your unborn child a favor.
2007-07-09 11:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋