How to go about entertaining straight friends.....?

Question

So two of my best friends and I are planning a vacation for them to fly out here to visit me in San Francisco. They are both straight and although they were EXTREMELY understanding, supportive and open-minded when I came out to them....they have very little exposure to the gay community. I do want to introduce them to a few gay events out here, but I don't want to overwhelm them. How can i go about this easily without it being much of a shock to them? When i say they have little exposure to gays, i mean NONE. lol. Also, how can i ease myself back into straight society?? I know it sounds funny, but honestly, I know they're gonna want to go to straight clubs, etc.., and im REALLY not into the straight scene.

THANK YOU to those of you who aren't being preachy and feeding me the whole dont make it us vs. them line. I would never make ANYTHING myself versus my friends, but it's rather UNrealistic to believe that we all have the same interests in everything when our interests are sooo scattered, and yes many of my interests do revolve around the gay community. That is why i need help trying to balance things out for my straight friends.

Answer 1

You have them as friends for a reason, they like you, who you are, and have unconditional love for you. Stick to the formula that has made your friendship work all these years and you will be fine. I'm sure they will be excepting of your choice of entertainment, depending on how extreme....you might have to spend a couple dollars at the liquor store. :-)

Hey the summer time is for memories. I'm guessing that these are females, one simple rule always applies to all women, "girls just want to have fun". If its guys, ust get them a couple drinks, down play the situation a little and just roll the dice. And don't leave them and take off and do your own thing because you are in your environment.

But be fair, if they can kick it with you in your world, don't complain when they want to take you to their world.

Answer 2

There are night clubs these days that cater to both gay and straight. Might find some and start there. Nothing wrong with some regular restaurants that cater to everyone, or coffee at the 'local' (anywhwre in SF) chit chat cafe'. SF is definitely not all about night clubs. There is SO much more. Hey, gay, straight, nightlife, it's all mixed up these days too. Just stay away from the all man or woman bars and scenes to avoid freaking them out their first run with the gay community. By all means introduce them to all your friends, no harm bringing them into your community and showing them around, now that you're 'out', stay 'out', and take pride in your lifestyle. You'll find they won't find it much different than any other. If they're hip as they have been about your orientation this far, they probably would fit right in with your friends, and make them their new friends.

I think people get nervous about differences. They worry too much about the 'separation' between gay and straight 'culture', like it's two entirely different planets. Sure there are differences socially. But you're worried too much. Chill out and 'meld' the two worlds as SF has for the most part, and just make it fun for your friends and for yourself. Don't worry about cultural crossings. They'll absorb what they will and probably leave content that they were fortunate to experience life outside the 'box' of their hetero existence. People grow from that, and appreciate it. SF is a good place to show some friends a good time and leave happy.

Answer 3

I'll answer your second question first - it's not about being into the straight scene, it's about being into hanging out with your friends. If you take them to a straight club, you're hanging out with them. Don't allow the fact that the other people there aren't gay distract you from having a good time with your friends. Even if you were at a gay club, you wouldn't be there for any reason but to have a good time with your friends. You wouldn't ditch them to go home with anyone, or spend all night chatting someone up - you'd spend time making sure your guests are having fun. A good host is a good host no matter the venue.

Which helps me answer the first question. If you’re being a good host, you’ll be aware of your guests, and you’ll leave a venue that is making them noticeably uncomfortable, and you’ll refrain from activity that makes them uncomfortable. If you take them to a gay club and they tell you they feel awkward and stupid, and feel that they stand out as the token straights, then leave. Take them somewhere else. Introduce them to some of your friends, have a small party at your home.

Be a good host.

Answer 4

I live in the straight world, though I don't identify that way, and my husband is definately straight, and my family is all straight etc. etc.
I have plenty of friends who are gay. We live in the suburbs, some of us live in chicago, some of us live further out, but most of the people in my life have been diving in head first to the gay community and the gay lifestyle. My husband's first "gay" event was the Pride Parade this year. While he's always been a political supporter and a friend to our gay friends, he's never been to the neighborhoods, the clubs, the bars, the shops, etc.
He insisted on dressing up in full fabulous regalia and had a WONDERFUL time at the parade and enjoyed the atmosphere, the cross-dressers, the party, the condoms and the scene. I think your friends want to see you, and your life and there isn't a need to find "straight" entertainment for them.

Pitch it to them. Give them the option of one of your favorite clubs, and a neutral club, and if they seem enthusiastic about seeing your club, go for it, and don't look back.

Answer 5

I am straight, so if this were me, you need to take it slowly. Go to a gay event that has less flamboyant gays/lesbians. If they feel comfortable with that, then take them to an event that is known for more flamboyant gays, but if they can't deal, make sure they know that you're willing to leave. Make sure to also mix in some other activities, such as going to a show, out to eat, etc. where sexual preference doesn't matter. You don't have to ease yourself back into straight society, just go with them, and have a good time. Drink a few beers, talk, joke, and just hang out. Possibly bring a gay friend so you have someone to chat with, while your two bf's are checking out the hotties of the opposite sex.

Answer 6

I sort of understand how you feel! I've gotten that way sometimes myself!

I'd start with looking at the entertainment pages in the general newspapers, or asking a straight work friend or neighbor who you click with what they enjoy. Also, don't underestimate the value of being able to plan your own time--they'll want to do that, too!

I'm sure they know they'll be seeing some gaiety, being as how they're visiting a gay person in San Francisco!

Answer 7

What about just taking them to the 'normal' tourist spots in SF ... Golden Gate Park (which can take DAYS if you do it right), Fisherman's Wharf, the beach, Alcatraz. I'd also take them to one of the 'transvestite bars' for tourists ... and then to your FAVORITE bar/club on ONE NIGHT. Also let them go to a 'straight club' by themselves on a couple of nights ... the rest of the time, you should just 'sit around and gab' about 'old times' and have FUN together. This is a VACATION and not a 'learning experience' for them, and they want to be WITH YOU, not with 'a bunch of gays' they won't ever see again. HAVE FUN TOO, and then you won't have to 'ease into the straight scene' and you can go back to being your own 'gay self' when they're gone ... but you ALL will be much happier!

Answer 8

Strictly speaking, if you're hosting them, then it's your obligation to find things that are mutually entertaining. You may not be into the str8 scene, but then they may not be into sitting around in gay bars, etc. THAT could be really uncomfortable for them.

So, work a little compromise with yourself, and avoid the overwhelming gay stuff, and plan on going to str8 clubs (or whatever) as well. That shouldn't be too hard in SF, you guys have a beautiful city that's FULL of wonderful restaurants, clubs, etc. I live in Dallas, and I love to visit SF! Heck, take em to Fisherman's Wharf, have dinner, wander around on foot & drink too much, laugh, giggle, just...you know, have fun!

Answer 9

San Francisco is pretty great & gay on its own without an itinerary.

Take them to the Castro. Goldengate Park - the De Young Museum is great. Dim sum in China Town. The Metreon is really cool. SFMoma. There is so much there, that whatever you do with be great exposure.

Take them to places that you know. I think it sounds like great fun. Enjoy yourself!

Answer 10

Hmm.. well you can go to the straight clubs and you can just dance and hang out don't worry about it it will all work out if friends are really understanding. At the club don't worry about anything you guys are there to have fun!!!!!!!!!! Someone asks your number say your married and hubby is away or maybe just saying you have a boyfriend will work.