My husband has friendships with attractive woman and i'm questioning his commitment? Am i overreacting?

Question

My husband is very funny and charasmatic and that's what i love about him, however, lately I've found out mostly by accident that he has long conversations via phone and text with attractive woman. He says they are just friends and that he only loves me, but this intimacy makes me question his commitment and makes me feel very insecure and jealous. I feel like my new jealousy pushes him away and the last thing I want to do is push him towards these new friendships. I myself have male friends but don't speak to them to the extent he does to his female friends. I don't want to overreact but i find myself questioning his every action and feeling very insecure about myself.
I am a fairly mature girl who is attractive but I feel like i've been punched in the stomach with this new peice of information about my husband.
Help.....?!!?!?

To answer some of the questions, we've been married for 6 years, and we got married in our early twenties. To be quite honest, it does bother me more that these new friends are attractive because i know what im worth and i know my husband is very much into the initial appearance as most men are. Additionally, i say this is recent because i just noticed the same number come up on our cell phone bill but i have no way in reality to determine if this is recent activity or not. One of the ladies is married and we know her husband, however, she has always been very flirtataious in nature and never once even mentioned to me how good of friends my husband and here were.

Answer 1

If it bothers you that much, tell him. If he doesn't respect your wishes, then maybe there is something more going on.

Answer 2

He's already cheating on you.If not physically , then mentally.He should be thinking of you when he's out and about.I know I like to look at a pretty lady in a sun dress on a sunny afternoon standing on a street corner or walking down the street too but,if I made the commitment of marriage I owe it to my wife and to my self to keep it platonic and have respect for the woman that is investing her life into me.If he continues to be buddy buddy with these woman it's only a matter of time before they go have a drink some night and one thing lead to another and I don't know how it happened honey,you know? On top of everything else these woman friends of his ,if they know he's married and I assume he's telling you that they do,are disrespecting you because they know he's a married man.I would never advise anyone to get divorced,so I would say that you need to have a heart to heart and not let him brush aside the importance of your concerns.Do what you have to to keep you relationship working ,but let him know where you stand.This is really a lot more serious then it seems.Good Luck

Answer 3

Cautious isn't a bad thing here. He's your husband and he's suppose to be your "one and only". That means you're his best friend, not women that he talks to at length and offten. Not to say he's out looking, but I've know some women who are (and I'm a woman to keep this clear). If he's talking to them about THEIR relationships and he's talking about his...this is a tough spot for him to be in if the woman starts making advances. I lost my 10 year marriage because a woman he worked with just thought he was the greatest..and she did chase him in a "friendship" kind of way. Once she stated complaining about her husband and started getting my guy to complain about me and tell him how "lucky I was and I just must not know it", then she made the moves and he followed (that's why emotional relationships are dangerous no matter what anybody says). I found this all out by the email account I located after I kicked him out with the continual denial "they were just friends". I should have put a stop to it when I saw the warning signs. Good Luck

Answer 4

Well the fact that you didn't know about this makes me kind of wonder if they really are just friends! If so why would he not mention this to you? I think you do have a right to confront him. He is your husband! I don't agree with friendships that need to be hidden from the wife and long conversations etc. What the heck is that all about. He is acting immature and not considering your feelings. If they are his so called friends, why not invite them to dinner or go out with them as a couple. Are these friends married or single? You need to put your husband on check girl!

Answer 5

First off... your feelings are valid. Any women would feel uncomfortable with their husband acting like yours. I mean it's one thing if it's in your company and you see him acting a little flirty, or whatever. It's taking the extra step of texting and calling girls that I don't like. That just isn't necessary. It's not about being a jealous girl, it's about a common respect in the marriage. It's fine if he's friends with girls, as long as you are friends with them as well. He'll try and make light of the the situation and that's a normal reaction for a man. However, don't let him. Tell him it bothers you and you don't like it and find that it's inappropriate behavior for a married man (which it is). Again, as long as he involves you in the friendships it's fine, if not, it's not okay. You mentioned that you didn't know about this until recently... how did you find out?

Answer 6

My husband sounds very much like yours. He also has many female friends and colleagues that he sends text messages to all the time. However, I know that he's committed to me. I think you need to stop being so worried. Like you said yourself: you don't want to push him away. Let him have the friends he wants to have. You can tell him that you feel threatened but you can't make him disconnect with his friends. That wouldn't be fair. If he says he only loves you, you should believe him. He's your husband - and he must have married you for a reason! Good luck

Answer 7

No, and yes. Yes, because there is probably nothing going on but "conversation". So the jealousy needs to go. But, that he is spending time in long conversations indicates she is providing something that you are not... some kind of non-sexual fulfillment. Try and figure out what that is and then see if you can be the conversation source. He may just be lonely in a certain area. It may not be huge at all... for example, maybe he wants to talk about politics and you don't, or maybe he wants to share catty stories but feels funny about sharing with you. Have a conversation with him and ask him. In any case, don't be jealous because that will make it worse.

Answer 8

Wait, we don't know enough to let you know anything. On the surface, one would advise caution and suggest confronting him about this and letting him know that you are not comfortable with his 'booty calls'. BUT, hold the truck up! When did this start? How long have you been married? Was he always like that? If so, then you need to question why you never said something BEFORE you got married. Finally, I ask how long you been married because maybe he his getting the 'itch' and you guys need to reunite - try a honeymoon in Jamaica or something (www.fourpalmsuites.com) has a special for couples...

Answer 9

Well why don't you tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him talking to them the extent he does. You don't mind that he has friends, you just think that with conversations like that, it seems a bit more intimate than just friends. Every person has limits on what they will handle from their partner and maybe this is too much for you. But you need to be open and honest with him about it or you will end up pushing him away.

Answer 10

Not good. If he isn't yet, it only a matter of time. He wants female attention and it is disrespectful to you. If you pretend it doesn't offend you, it will bother you more and more, until you lose your mind and are living in a mental hospital. You need to get a hot new guy friend and flaunt it in his face if he does get the point the first time, hire a private detective to nail his ***, then go to a good lawyer. Seriously do you want to wake up forty in a marriage with a wandering eye.

Answer 11

First I like your screen name it's fun.
Now to the serious issues here. Who are these women and does he do this instead of spending time with you? If so be very concerned and get proactive don't just sit there and wonder. Try telling him how you feel so he can perhaps explain the situation better so you can decide what your next move needs to be. Good luck and remember that honesty never hurts anyone.